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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wearing your rings
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to where I proposed 20 yrs ago. Took it off and chucked it into the pond. It's just a piece of metal now.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was hard for me, too. People would comment on it because I wore it so long. One person checked every time I used to visit...I don't visit him anymore.

I still have the rings but what helped was a replacement I bought with my own money.

When the first occassions came around, I went and picked out a ring for myself that would be valentine and b'day gift combo on the first anniversary. It helped with that transition.

I may give my engagement ring to my daughter some day. Or sell it. Right now it feels like it's on fire if I touch it. So it stays in a drawer and I do not look.

ETA it was always a symbol for me of being in a couple. The weight of it reminded me often that I was part of something bigger than myself.

But, I still am. I just have to look harder in life to find where I belong. I think as a single person, it's harder to do.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 7:36 PM, May 10th (Saturday)]

Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2365 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^ yep - one of my questions was did you wear your ring while fucking her?

Asked same question. He told me he wore it so she would know that he was never going to leave his wife. It was like he was proud to tell me he had put up these boundaries while he continued to fuck her for over 6 years. Well, thank you! That was a damn comfort for me.

As for my rings I sold the false R ring. The original engagement ring is too puny (well that is somewhat symbolic)to be worth much!

There is a wonderful life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1709 | Registered: Mar 2004
♀ Member
Member # 43226
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the teenager was still living with her mother when they started. I asked him if he wore his ring in front of her mother. He insisted that he did, but admitted to his sister that he didn't.
there was a point in this mess after DDay that I was trying to make it work, and he was insisting that he had to have both of us that he lost his ring. I knew right then that he was taking it off with her. how else would he not notice it missing for hours? (ironically, it turned out to be in the garbage)

BW early 30's

Separated March 2014
Kintsukuroi: the art of repairing broken pottery with gold and silver laquer, and understanding that it is more beautiful for having been broken

Posts: 63 | Registered: Apr 2014
♂ Member
Member # 35901
Default  Posted: 4:47 AM, May 11th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought that toilet was a good place for mine. Flushed it that night.

Posts: 210 | Registered: Jun 2012
♀ Member
Member # 36781
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, May 11th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These posts are incredible. Thanks for responding.

I took my rings out and wore them. I left my house with them on. I felt like an imposter. All this time I felt so naked without them. The rings were symbols of the vows and the love. All broken now. My nakedness was really me starting this new life he forced me to live. The rings aren't a part of it anymore.

So, the rings are beautiful. Always were. Always will be. They are worth quite a bit of money. I can never wear them again because, in truth, despite their monetary value, they are worthless to me. And the genuine value to me was that my wearing those rings represented to the world that I was married and loved and I loved someone enough to commit my life to him.

The solid genuine value is me being true to myself. I will never, ever, ever let someone treat me with such disrespect and disregard again.

I don't need to wear a ring to know that I was faithful. I'm worth so much more than that.

me: BS
him: WS

D Day: July 27, 2012
Day of first suspicion: 6/7/11
DD#2: November 2, 2012


Posts: 105 | Registered: Sep 2012
♂ Member
Member # 41999
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, May 11th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sold mine back in January when I knew it was over. I have the funds saved to buy something or celebrate when D is final. I just took what the jeweler offered. I just didn't want to prolong the process trying to get a better price someplace else. Strange thing is that WW wanted out but is now prolonging the process because she does not want to split our assets 50/50. She is driving up legal fees mindlessly.

[This message edited by WestMonroe91 at 7:22 PM, May 11th (Sunday)]

BS-60 (me)
DD-25, DS-21, DS-20

Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2014
♂ Member
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, May 11th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wore mine, but because of the weight loss for the divorce diet. It slipped off while floating/swimming down a river. I didn't notice it till I got out.
I didn't even have the chance to pawn it off

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 241 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Florida
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, May 11th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The solid genuine value is me being true to myself. I will never, ever, ever let someone treat me with such disrespect and disregard again.

Nice, IslandGirl. You get an A+

Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous

Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ Member
Member # 43241
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, May 11th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and I still haven't officially publicly declared separation and divorce except to just a few friends and family. So I still wear mine when on lunch dates with old mutual friends and to some school and sport events, but honestly it feels tight and uncomfortable. I feel like I'm lying wearing it. I don't wear it when I work out, so people haven't asked since I'm in yoga or hiking pants a lot. I noticed WH took his off more lately too. I'm not sure what I will do with it. It is valuable, being listed as an asset. I did chuck it at him early on in our discovery, that felt good.

D-Day 1/24/14
D-Day2 04/08/14, false R
17yrs married, 23yrs together
Two kids 13, 11
Divorced 10/2014

Posts: 201 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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