I woke up in the middle of the night last night it full panic mode with vivid memories of how I didn't trust my gut at this time last year. I woke WH up, he held my hand and he went back to sleep.
This morning he had to leave early. I was still shaken and was exhausted after sleeping less than 2 hours. WH seemed annoyed.
He was upset because he was already cutting it close to get out of the house and he felt I wanted to talk at a really bad time.
In reality, I was well aware of his time constraints and just wanted a hug, an apology, and a quick reassurance that all the cheating is behind him and we're going to be OK. What would that take, 30 seconds? No need for a long in-depth conversation.
We finally talked hours later. I assumed once we talked we'd be OK. Nope. He's still defensive and I've progressed from hurt to incredibly pissed off. He dropped a bomb on our marriage and I'm supposed to stifle my pain because the timing isn't good for him. FTG! 30 seconds shouldn't be too much to ask for.
He has totally owned his shit with regard to his past behavior, so crap like this really throws me for a loop. I have reminded him repeatedly that when I trigger, I need a couple of very specific things from him: I need an apology, I need a hug, and I need him to tell me that there will never again be secrets and lies in our marriage.
It's a pretty simple formula and it works. I'm at a loss as to why we need to have this conversation again and again. I'm even more confused by his reaction to this.
Right now we're at a bit of a stalemate - both with our heels dug in. Neither of us is feeling heard. He is gone for a week so we're facing a some really awkward phone calls or just avoiding each other.
I need some SI perspective here because I'm honestly not seeing it from his side at all. Bring the 2 x 4's if you need to, I really need to understand how something so straight forward in my mind turned this ugly.
Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids
Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9