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Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: OM wins...I'm done.
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 3:42 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((SWAT70)))) I hope you don't mind the virtual hugs, SWAT70. That is all I can think to give you right now. Just letting you know you have been heard and understood.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9713 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 3:47 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone I think 5454 asked what the emails she received said. They were all saying how he needed her and had to see her. He had some very important things to talk about. Her replies were pretty short, but unfortunately not the right answers. She repeatedly said "I can't". Not I won't or leave me alone. She just couldn't. That is until she said alright.

Funny thing is when I called work I asked if she had made a complaint for him violating the PO. LT said "umm nope..is that what's going on?" I told him its personal and to not worry about me. My LT is a good guy and knows what's going on and be just asked if I would be alright. I told him I'm fine and will check in if he needs me to. He asked that I do contact him on his personal cell phone so he knows I'm alright. I promised him I would and he knows I keep my promises m


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 335 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
CantSeeInTheDark
♀ Member
Member # 43231
Default  Posted: 3:48 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, we've got your back.

((SWAT))


Me 35y
Him 48y
1 Awesome son 3y

DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014

Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little


Posts: 110 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Gloucestershire
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 3:51 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sister at this point I'll take em. I'm sitting here crying like a baby and I appreciate everything y'all have said. It means a great deal to me. I'm sorry that I freaked a lot of people out earlier. It was just so raw and I didn't explain myself well and I would like to apologize to everyone who thought the worst. You guys and gals have been great and I don't want you to worry about me too much.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 335 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No apologies needed, SWAT70. Of course you were raw. I am so sorry, I wish I could take away the pain. It is good to cry and let it all out. It can be a helpful release.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9713 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still here listening brother. I hate only being able to give the virtual hug. I'm very sorry it has come down to this. I want you to know that I'll be thinking of you. (((SWAT)))


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2154 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 4:00 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

now that you've explained the emails she and he engaged in, I can see why you're done. instead of worrying about your feelings she was worrying about his. she betrayed your trust again, to help him. she lied to you again, to help him.

you can text her, the same thing. "you should have been worrying about my feelings instead of his. no matter. we're done. i hope you're happy."

but I wouldn't allow her to communicate with you. let her stew. let her family know what she's done. in fact, maybe you really should be done. she clearly doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry man. This stuff sucks.

[This message edited by mike7 at 4:03 AM, May 10th (Saturday)]


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2013
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 4:31 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat, I'm so sorry to read this. I've been following your posts and had hoped for better for you. The biggest issue here is that regardless of what your wife's intentions in meeting OM are, she is still putting his feelings in front of yours and she is still lying to you. When OM approached you in the park shouting that your wife was 'lying to you all' and had met him just days before, did you have proof that it was him who was doing the lying that time? If not be careful Swat because I don't want you to get hurt any more than you already are. You sound like such a good man so, please take care of yourself and give yourself some time to process what's happened. Personally I would probably hear what they all had to say before weighing it all up and making my decision, but you've got a lot of people caring about you, and there's a lot of support here for you whatever you decide to do. (((SWAT)))


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent her this text. " I'm fine you don't have to worry about me. I'll be in touch soon so you can stop texting me every five minutes. "I can't " understand why your upset. You had ample opportunity to tell me what was going on and could have spent the last couple of months with him. You never had to lie to me I would have done anything for you. I'm sure you saw all the papers I left on the counter. I signed them all you have to do is sign it and your free. I'll call tommorrow to talk to the kids. If its an emergency have BIL text me please. I don't want to talk to you right now. "

She still sent about 15 more messages asking me to call. I haven't responded. I sent my in laws a message to contact me if there is an emergency only. They all replied they understood and just asked if I'm alright. It sucks because my phone is vibrating like crazy. I'm going to get a pre paid tomm and turn mine off.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 335 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 4:36 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sins on that day he was lying. WW was with me all day the day he claimed she was with him. Since I saw those emails I noticed something. It's in her wording with most things she said. Instead of I will not its I can't. Never noticed it before but now it seems so obvious.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 335 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 4:38 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pre-paid is a smart move Swat)))
It will help you allow access only to those who are not toxic to you.
It will help you detach from drama & help things calm down.
You've got good instincts brother.

Take the battery out too.


Posts: 6617 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 4:42 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct. Thanks sometimes I can get it right. I'm actually tired so in gonna try to get some sleep. Thanks again everyone.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 335 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Instead of I will not its I can't.
Yes that must hurt. That choice of words tells you a lot.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if you're even considering any chance at all, you need to make this hurt.

text her something like "that was the last time you will ever betray me for him. it was the last time you will ever lie to me for him. please don't call me anymore. i can't take it anymore."

you can say these things, because they're probably true.

And then turn off your phone and go for an emergency vacation. tell your BIL or in-laws where you are if you feel like it.

hang in there man. there IS life after D. In fact, it can be great. I'm sorry you are going through this. it's obvious she is fucked up.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I saw this last night, but was on my phone and couldn't reply. I hope you were able to get some sleep.

How was she acting in the bar?



BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7503 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
soulshattered
♂ New Member
Member # 43101
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat, glad to hear you're safe and sound brother, thanks for letting everyone know. Stay strong and take care of yourself - you will get through this. Much love brother ...


BH - 53
DDay - 4/4/14
Together 21 years
Completely Devastated and Trying Hard

Posts: 47 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: NS Canada
bigskyblues
♂ Member
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 6:27 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT70 I wish you the best brother, I was there not long ago and made it out the other side to a better life.

On a side note enjoy police memorial week. I haven't made it to the DC event yet but a number of friends have. I have some friends on that wall and we will be celebrating their lives here on Thursday.

Strength!

BSB


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 249 | Registered: Sep 2012
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure if you're going to be reading for a while, but JJ said something I think will be helpful.

Get a new phone and try to enjoy yourself on your trip. I think you said your kids were safe and that your in-laws have a way to contact you in an emergency.

just de-stress. don't talk or communicate to your wife at all. take the week or so to relax, think about things, and just "be." You need a break from this nonsense.

When you get back you will have a clear head, and you may know what you want to do.

Please don't drink heavily. This is precisely the time not to drink alcohol.

Have a nice dinner, exercise, relax....

wishing you the best my friend. I think with a little distance you will feel better.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2013
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat, I am glad you are safe. I am just heartbroken for you.


BW: 41
WH: 48
Married 18 years. SD: 25 from his 1st. M. DS: 20 from 1st M. DD: 16 (autistic)

D-day: Oct. 2013 with ongoing revelations.
6 affairs, 1 OC, My sister was OW#5 with countless attempted A's.
Considering R but fully ready to D.


Posts: 300 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
crisp
♂ Member
Member # 34236
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad you are "done." It serves a great purpose, regardless of your ultimate path. If it is a straight path, your journey toward your freedom from marital commitment to her (and the prospects of finding someone worthy of you) has begun without delay. That would minimize suffering.

If you eventually find a set of circumstances that allow for you to reconcile, being "done" and ready to move on shows everyone in your life that you are not a doormat and you have real boundaries. Stick to your guns (poor choice of words) and continue the D process. You can always change your mind down the road if appropriate---and I do mean down the road.


Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY

Posts: 386 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NE US
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