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Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: OM wins...I'm done.
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are the prize

^^^Exactly what Sistermilkshake said.

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, your knees want to buckle, but YOU are the better man, YOU are the honest and faithful man. A great dad.

Keep posting, SWAT, if you have a TRUSTED friend you can lean on, make the phone call now and talk.

((((Hugs))))


Posts: 7524 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IDK, SWAT, your in-laws sound like good people. I have heard of in-laws being supportive of the BS's even when they are divorcing their own child.

If we lived near you, we would be happy to give you a ride, though.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9650 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
kansas1968
♀ Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so, so, sorry, but I am glad you are leaving. I just can not believe the cruelty of these WS's. You are right to go. She does not deserve your love.
You are wrong about one thing though. The OM did not win. No one won. There is no winner in an affair, but you will end up being the most well off. You go forward with your integrity, your honor, and the knowledge that you gave her every chance in the world. Those two have none of that. They are losers in the very real sense of the word.

Good luck, hugs, and keep us posted.


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1311 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So,sorry it's ending like this, but I too have been through the farce of a cheater lying to me..

IT SUCKS.

You will be ok one day, I can assure you. Come on down to the Separation/Divorce board... We are good peeps down there and have tons of helpful advice.

Really sorry it didn't go down like you had hoped. Your stbxw is the fool, SWAT70, not you- and don't ever forget that!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3582 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
CantSeeInTheDark
♀ Member
Member # 43231
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Swat)))

I'm still feel new here but I just wanted to say ive been following your thread. I'm sorry it came to this. But hold your head high, your children have a father to be proud of. A father that fought for his family.


Me 35y
Him 48y
1 Awesome son 3y

DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014

Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little


Posts: 110 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Gloucestershire
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The irony of it all is this. I've already gotten phone calls and text messages from my in laws, every single one of them. My BIL is on his way here now. I've gotten a lot of responses here and some PM's. WW hasn't even tried to contact me yet.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.

Divorce was filed, but I'm willing to give her one more chance. I'm watching.


Posts: 329 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you EVER, EVER, call yourself a food for doing what a husband is supposed to do, love and trust his spouse, then I am going to call a curse of bedbugs into the lining of your Kevlar vest. Do not think for a moment that I won't!

You gave her every chance. Every change to woman-up and do the honorable thing, wither it be to re-commit to you and your family 100%, or to say that she wanted out of the marriage. You were true and you gave her the chance to be true as well. She chose not to. She decided to lie, cheat, and whore around. SHE decided. So be it. She has shown you who she is and now, you believe it. As horrible as this discovery is for you, I'm glad that you found out and that you have the documentation/photos. You now know exactly where you stand.

I hope that you can fast-track this D and get your custody settled ASAP. If your lawyer thinks that it's best that you leave the house, then follow his advice, but get yourself setup for custody of your children as quickly as you can so you can have them as much as possible. Please head down to the Separation and Divorce forum as well and introduce yourself. You'll find a lot of really great and helpful people there.

As horrible as this is, this is also a beginning for you. You now know the path that you're walking and can focus on that. The indecision is over, which in of itself, has to be a relief.

Hang in there, man. We got your back.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4802 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

no irony brother. there are truly good people on this planet. I also thought your in laws sounded like good people.

as always, sending you strength.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2826 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto to everything everyone has said...take care of yourself. Your kids need you!!!
Keep posting and like sister said YOU are the prize!
I wish you peace....


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 514 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. Your ww is a fool. Wow. Please know you are a wonderful man and husband. You gave her a gift of R and she blew it. (((((Hugs))))

[This message edited by Faithful w/Love at 5:03 PM, May 9th (Friday)]


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. She just started texting me. Apparantly "It's not what I think!" She is coming home right now and doesn't want me to leave. BIL texted me to not leave he needed to see me. Which confuses me. I texted them that I had already left and was on my way to the airport. My truck is loaded up and I'll be gone before anyone gets here.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.

Divorce was filed, but I'm willing to give her one more chance. I'm watching.


Posts: 329 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

where are the kids in this? and if you are moving, who will watch them and such? I so hope you are not up and leaving them.
if I were in your spot I would need a vacay to think too but Im just hoping your not leaving everything this second.

this feeling sucks. Ive been there MANY times. and you are right, letting them go is the best.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to DC for police memorial week. I would never abandon my kids.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.

Divorce was filed, but I'm willing to give her one more chance. I'm watching.


Posts: 329 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Apparantly "It's not what I think!"
Of course it isn't. I am sure there is a perfectly logical reason that your WW went behind your back, against a restraining order, breaking NC, to go to a bar with the OM.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9650 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amen sister.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.

Divorce was filed, but I'm willing to give her one more chance. I'm watching.


Posts: 329 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What was in the emails?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2826 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm off to the airport. I'll touch base later. I made sure I brought my charges for my phone and iPad. I have a feeling I'll need them.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.

Divorce was filed, but I'm willing to give her one more chance. I'm watching.


Posts: 329 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SWAT70))) Godspeed, SWAT. Please keep in touch.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9650 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"It's not what you think" - are you shitting me?

So she lied and said she was home, was emailing him the second you left, and is at a bar with him all afternoon - but it's not what you think.

Some people just aren't worth the second chances that are given. You have a good time in DC. You don't need her bullshit spraying all over you. She just showed you what she thinks - that she can sneak, and lie, and it's all fine because you're a fool and you'll believe her. She thinks she's so clever. Riiiiiiiiiiight!!

Ditch the Bitch. You can do better, and you definitely deserve better. Throw her skank ass out. Tell her you'll be home in a week, and she needs to be OUT by then.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course it isn't. I am sure there is a perfectly logical reason that your WW went behind your back, against a restraining order, breaking NC, to go to a bar with the OM.
And lied and said she was at home.

I'm so sorry SWAT.

((( SWAT70 )))


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
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