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Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: OM wins...I'm done.
whipmorgan
New Member
Member # 43393
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, reeling myself back in.

Swat, a feeling that I believe is common to is betrayed is somehow we aren't enough, especially after this instance where you caught her again wjth her OM. I know your a strong dude, but I think it happens to us all.

The only way through it is through it and you have a good support system in place. I'm pleasantly surprised by the support of your inlaws. It's awesome that your friends came down to see you. Are they aware of what happened ?


Posts: 26 | Registered: May 2014
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I'm in IC and she is a rock star. My IC let me vent to her over the phone and she agrees I just need some time away and to "forget" about everything for a while. My IC had meet with my wife a couple of times before. While she believes my wife is remorseful and does want the marriage, she is selfish and often inconsiderate. IC said to enjoy the week.

whipmorgan. My coworkers are aware of my wife's affair and our subsequent R attempt. They came down to hang with me and haven't once mentioned my wife or what has been happening. For that I'm grateful. Their wives on the other hand are giving it to her with both barrels. No disrespect intended, but they are not to be played with. They are kind of scary. Two of them were at my house when my wife "confessed" to the spouses and they are pissed off.

While my situation really sucks. I'm so glad I made this trip. I'm now a firm believer that any LEO should get here for this week. Not only can you see the usual sights but there is such a huge amount of support for law enforcement. Cops are everywhere and there are tons of events not even on the official schedule. You walk down the street and there are pipe and drum bands playing impromptu concerts. People are taking pictures and I've meet several surviving family members, they see you with your badge or uniform and just walk up to you and thank you. It is humbling to say the least.

I'll be attending the candle light vigil tomm and watching the honor guards and bag pipers on weds. Thurs is the memorial service and wreath laying. I just found out this morning the Nationals baseball team is playing Fri night and LEO can go with discount ticket prices.

My friends and I are going out for a while but I just wanted to touch base with y'all. I've always been the strong one, the warrior, the fighter. But I've learned I can also be a victim and that is kind of hard to swallow. I've cried more since Fri than I have in my entire life. Your support and well wishes have been my lifeline and I'll never be able to thank you all enough.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.
Divorced


Posts: 341 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT...I want to address what you said, about your WW not posting here..and why.

The fallout from her affair has been VERY public. All your coworkers know. Then there was the dramatic confessing/weeping at your feet scene in front of the wives and your attorney. And the scene OM made in the park.

All so public.

That your WW can not humble herself enough to post on an anonymous forum, seeking help in fixing the damage she has caused, speaks volumes as to her remorse.

You sound strong and determined. Tears are ok, and expected.

I think you will be one who not only survives infidelity, but thrives.

[This message edited by confused615 at 9:29 AM, May 12th (Monday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7915 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you're doing relatively well!


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 342 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT

One day at a time. You are smart and strong, you will make it through.

Allowing yourself to feel, hurt and be vulnerable is so hard but also so healthy on the road to healing. You have to feel it all as tough as it is.

Enjoy your YOU time and D.C.

Thank you for your service.

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1289 | Registered: Apr 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IC said to enjoy the week.

Agreed. You are doing all the right things(IMO). Your own *built-in* 180. Get your feet under you solidly. Find yourself brother.

While she believes my wife is remorseful and does want the marriage, she is selfish and often inconsiderate

Granted, R may or may not be the road you are taking, but will your WW be willing to do the hard work of changing? Even if you D, it would be in her best interests to do so.

They came down to hang with me and haven't once mentioned my wife or what has been happening.

You have some incredible friends who....

Their wives on the other hand are giving it to her with both barrels. No disrespect intended, but they are not to be played with. They are kind of scary. Two of them were at my house when my wife "confessed" to the spouses and they are pissed off.

have some incredible spouses. What a great IRL support network.

I am very glad that this event was available to you at this time. What a positive influence.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3172 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Fireball72
♀ Member
Member # 20152
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT:

As a fellow law enforcement professional that actually works IN the D.C. area, I agree with you that National Police Week is an enjoyable, yet very humbling experience. I thank you on behalf of myself and all of my colleagues for your dedication and service to the profession it is hard, exhausting work, but it is also some of the most rewarding, knowing that you are responsible for the protection and safety of the lives of many Americans.

I walk through the Law Enforcement Memorial every day to reach work, and I always stop at the wall and silently thank our fallen brothers and sisters.

I have no advice re: your marriage or your wife, but I wanted you to know that I, as well as many here, are pulling for you, no matter what your final decision might be. Once you return from D.C., I think that you will have a better idea of what and where you will want to go with this.

Thank you again for your continued service.


XBS - 42 and fabulous :D
Remarried happily in 2013
A relationship is built for two. But apparently, some bitches don't know how to count!

Posts: 602 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: The Chesapeake Bay
whipmorgan
New Member
Member # 43393
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is good that no one brings it up. Time to unwind (for lack of a better term). There is nothing else to say for right now.

It just so happens your in luck - the Washington monument reopens today for tours. History nerd time!


Posts: 26 | Registered: May 2014
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear SWAT, I am really, really sorry to see what has happened here(You and I share the exact same D-day, by the way). Listen to the good folks in here. Don't act too hastily. Believe me, I know how tempting that is. I know how wounded you feel being betrayed again when the old wound is still so raw. I really do. Stay strong, my friend. And be as wise as you can be.


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 446 | Registered: May 2014
gutfeeling
♀ Member
Member # 41652
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT - Just wanted to let you know that I keep coming back to check on you and am thinking of you.

You honestly sound like you are doing as well as can be expected in the circumstances. DC sounds like it has been a nice break and I love hearing all your stories about the people you are meeting.

Rest, breathe, eat, take time to feel what you feel.

You've got a lot of people here rooting for you (even if in their own ways) and I do know that I can say that everyone here supports YOU.

Thinking of you and keep up the good work of taking care of yourself.


Posts: 155 | Registered: Dec 2013
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi SWAT

I just wanted to add another voice of support. I think you are doing incredibly well and showing your strength and resilience. Wading through the fallout of D-Day is the hardest most painful thing most of us have ever known. It's a long and hard journey and we are with you all the way--no matter which direction your journey takes you.

I am so glad to read of the consistent support you are receiving from friends and family. That will make a huge difference in your own personal recovery. Feeling the love and support of those individuals will bolster you through all the hard times yet to come. It is definitely one of the things to be grateful for in this process!!!

Glad you are enjoying your week in DC. I too would like to add my thanks to all LEOs and military personnel for your service to our country.

Stay strong, SWAT. You've got this!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 741 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT - I was unable to read this thread until just now.

I just want to say, you are doing an amazing job putting you and your needs first. Hopefully that will help you to stay on track, and get strong. It sucks so much when we give our WS's every opportunity to get it right, and do the work. Unfortunately you know as well as I, the choice was hers to make.

Thank you for what you do for all of us in your professional life. Too often it is overlooked, or portrayed as the bad guy. You and your brethren keep us all safe. Thank you for that.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8792 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just finished this entire thread. Wow. I'm beginning to suspect that she is a drama queen worthy of an Oscar to be able to produce such a dramatic and public confession and apparent remorse yet be leading a double life. OM seems to like drama, too. You,on he other hand, demonstrated Cool worthy of Steve McQueen.

Good job on the trip -- I don't know what I'd be under like circumstances but a mass,of quivering protoplasm. You firm stance looking out for yourself is the ultimate 180 and will knock her out of the park, not just off the fence.

[This message edited by Schadenfreude at 2:54 PM, May 12th (Monday)]


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That your WW can not humble herself enough to post on an anonymous forum, seeking help in fixing the damage she has caused, speaks volumes as to her remorse.

Looks like there is now a post in Wayward from Swat's WS. I guess she read Confused615's comment.


A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13838 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Tickingtock
♀ Member
Member # 41411
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just hope she knows that people wills stop bashing her so that she can post fully and honestly. The regs in that forum are pretty awesome. I hope they can help. As long as one is willing to confront their own demons head on, there is hope.


Me: 31, exBGF, now married

Posts: 226 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: West Coast, USA
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, SWAT, I am glad you have this time away to think, and you are having a good time at that. Thank you for your service.

My WH made one "oops" after D-Day. He sent the OW's friend a copy of his business cell phone bill, which I had been asking for. Obviously, it reflected communication between my WH and OW. It infuriated me and sent me into a spiraling tailspin back into hell.

But....he threw OW under the bus on D-Day, and not once ever looked back. She tried to contact him a couple of times on his cell and through bogus email accounts. Crickets. He found another job, she did the same thing sending bogus emails. Crickets. What I am getting at is the actions of a WS who understood what he had to lose. Period.

If there had been any other contact with OW after he saw the excruciating pain I was in, I would have packed his sh*t up and thrown it out. There was no way in hell I would accept any more disrespect. Dealing with the A and the TT is one thing, to have a WS knock you to your knees again is callous and cruel. Even though I did not find this site until about four years after D-Day, I used the Shock and Awe approach almost immediately. My WH knew I meant business, my way or the freaking highway.

Stand your ground. Take time to think about how you want to live your life. Only you can make the choice for you.

Enjoy the rest of your stay. DC is awesome!



Posts: 7632 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat,

Although I think your wife needs some damn serious consequences I will leave your guidance to others.

I just wanted to say THANK YOU, and all your co-workers for your service. It takes a special person to do what you people do, day in and day out.

I never knew about this week, but I think it is something I will put on my bucket list. To be able to acknowledge LEO's sacrafices would be so amazing.

Take it in, and soak it up. You deserve it!!

Sending strength.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1330 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
reallyscrewedup7
♂ Member
Member # 30825
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT

Sorry I am late to the show, but I just wanted to offer my sympathies and support for your course of action to move forward with divorce. I know you love her. I know you don't want to break up your family, but SHE IS NOT SAFE. I know the majority opinion is it was just one mistake seeing OM again. But she professed to the world she would make this up to you and not hurt you again and then, without a hint of having a soul, runs off to see him again.

I guess she is posting now, so prepare for the spin. She will, undoubtedly, get a lot of sympathy for her current plight. But she has made choices that clear show that she has little regard for you, her kids, or her safety. All she really wants is a "hit" of the OM.

Who knows why?

I am sure you will get a laundry list of excuses and more promises to make it right. Fantastic. But all of it is worthless until she fixes her horribly broken self.

And right now, she ain't safe to you or your kids. She has let the snake back in the door. Intentionally did not pursue the order of protection. And lied to you, point-fucking-blank.

I am not saying that she can't change. But right now, with this crazy-ass OM who seems quite intent on destroying YOUR life with her help, I fully support your decision to GET THE HELL OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN. Who know what will happen as she keeps this snake in her life? But it won't end well. And she doesn't seem to give a shit about that.

That is so very, very sad.


Infidelity sucks shit

Posts: 903 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Finding my way
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stilltoosupicious. I've know about it since I was a teenager and always wanted to go. I'm so glad I did it is amazing to me. I've always believed there is a brotherhood and the Thin Blue Line existed. It is truly heart warming to see it in action though. I've been to LODD funerals and seen officers from both coasts attending, but my god to see them all here is awesome.

Yes my wife has indeed joined SI. Admin sent me a PM. I've resisted reading her thread so far though.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.
Divorced


Posts: 341 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
reallyscrewedup7
♂ Member
Member # 30825
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT

Questions for you

1. Did she tell you OM was constantly reaching out her and that she had not blocked him?

2. Did she tell you she would get that order of protection?

3. Does she know anything about protection orders, blocking cell phone numbers, or having harassment charges brought?


Infidelity sucks shit

Posts: 903 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Finding my way
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