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Newest Member: shewassocold (44320)

Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: OM wins...I'm done.
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OM seems determined to blow himself up. Give the a-hole a hand by getting that email forwarded to the right people and let them deal with him.
I trusted him around my family and he had keys and alarm codes to my house.
Please tell me you've had the doors rekeyed and the alarm codes changed?
How could I have been so blind?
I don't have any experience with law enforcement, but my understanding is you HAVE to trust the guys you work with, right? People like this? Are masters of disguise. They fool even trained mental health professionals. That's not a failing on your part.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24440 | Registered: Aug 2011
Jeaniegirl
♀ Member
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT, concerning the OM, not sure if I've overlooked it but has there been any repercussions concerning his actions? Has he been suspended from his job? Will you have to see him when you return to work? That could be very dangerous for all involved.


"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 925 | Registered: Feb 2005
toby
♂ Member
Member # 10337
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this guy really stupid or has your WW been leading him on?

SWAT, you've been through a lot...and I hate that your in this sitch again, but what the fuck is going on???

What was really said during their meet-up?
What about the "I can't" responses to the emails?
Again, were they still in contact during the time of your injuries and dday?

I don't think your WW has been fully honest with you!!!


Posts: 1536 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Texas
Mercilesslynuked
♂ Member
Member # 42997
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Re your earlier post - there is a point in life when we realize we cannot control other people, and that in the end the decision about reconciliation isn't in your hands, it is in your wife's. In mine I realized if she could make changes, I would reconcile, if she didn't we wouldn't.
I took the same path as RSN, and let me tell you... releasing the outcome and knowing your lines in the sand... Probably the most freeing feeling one can experience.


BBF 29
WGF 24
Dday 1 - 1/6/14 EA Day
Dday 2 - 1/23/14 PA Day

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Colorado
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW is not gonna be happy with me when she gets here.
You mean because of you reading her text or email?

If that's it, just tell her you did it to protect her and your family. With a nutcase like this, you can not be too careful. I would hope she doesn't take that as an insult.


Posts: 3565 | Registered: Jun 2002
Gipper
♂ Member
Member # 32232
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've never been a stalker, so I don't know the norm for them but something seems off here. The tone of that email seems too "familiar" if that makes any sense. Don't drop your guard, you may be in for some more surprises. Maybe not going on now, but in the time between when she broke it off and when you caught them together.

Posts: 717 | Registered: May 2011
whipmorgan
New Member
Member # 43393
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT,

The OM's tone in the email strikes me as far too casual and light-hearted for a man who was just arrested. The physical affair supposedly ended after you were injured, some months ago. The email does not sound like a guy who has been shut out for months on end. And it certainly does not sound like someone who is angry at the person who had him arrested.

Yes, I'd say there is a mental breakdown somewhere in the OM's mind. And people here can say that OM wants to sound like a nice guy who isnt angry so he can work his way back in with your wife. However, thats not the gut feeling I get from that email. Combined with your wife's most recent replies of "I can't," I think there is a lot more that you dont know and that she is still hiding. There is still something way off here.


Posts: 26 | Registered: May 2014
needadvise
♀ Member
Member # 43218
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat I think there's more to this. Sorry to say that.
I would have played the game with him and acted like I was her to get more info from him.
Something doesn't seem right.
Very sorry your going through this. Sorry all of us WW have to go through this.
I guess we all live and learn.
There's a brighter day some where in all of our futures


BS: 48 Me
WH: 46 him
DD 17 Ours
DS 23 Mine

DDAY 4/17/2013 my father's anniversary death date.
2013 to present: TT big time
1 PA/EA
9 more women PAs all of our 17 years of marriage. Never had a clue until TT in the last year. Showe


Posts: 98 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
AppalachianGal
♀ Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This guy sounds totally CRAZY. I'm not sure I believe that your wife is still leading him on like others say. To me, he sounds totally off balance, scarily so!


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with AppalachianGal. This guy sounds totally torqued. Like he's in some sort of abstract reality. Ripping up SWAT's yard sounds like a guy that is being denied contact, not someone who is getting contact. This latest I think is probably him trying to smooth it out with her to try and get contact back.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1867 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Hey baby I'm sorry for how I acted. You where ignoring me again and I missed talking to you. Call me. "

Straight out of an abusers handbook. Substitute the words *hit you* for acted and how many here have heard *exactly* those words?

Personally, I doubt there has been further contact. Not my call to make though. Her actions since DD 2 seem to indicate at least a level of remorse.

Strength Brother


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2578 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
AppalachianGal
♀ Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This latest I think is probably him trying to smooth it out with her to try and get contact back.

Exactly. First thing I thought of when I read his email was that it eerily reminded me of someone that abuses their spouse. He's trying to smooth it over as if the drunken yard destroying never happened.

5454Real-- Great minds!!! :)

[This message edited by AppalachianGal at 7:40 PM, May 19th (Monday)]


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well WW came over and I gave her the email. Told her do with it what you will and told her I had to leave. Went to the gym and lifted like a maniac. I'm gonna be sore tommorrow.

Came home and she said she called the police and is pressing charges. I'm glad for that. Didn't show much emotion to her though and told her it would be good for her to take the kids to her parents. She tried to apologize and I cut her off. I just told her I don't want any more apologies. I can't take them anymore as it seems that is all she is doing lately. She looked sad and just said that was alright and I helped her pack up the kids. They were a little confused and I told them daddy had something to do tonight and they were staying with mommy at their grandparents. Very brief conversation and five minutes later out the door.

Right or wrong I'm going out and getting drunk off my ass. I'm still pulling for her to get better but sometimes I just can't take it. I want her to get better and fix herself. I just don't know how much more of OM I can take. I think he has seriously gone of the deep end. I look at my WW and see her distress and pain. I didn't cause it she did but I want to help her. I know I can't she has to fix this not me.

I don't think she is hiding anything else. I'm not sure I can take another hit if she is. OM is trying to smooth things over and tying to get her to respond.

I'm still in the not divorcing camp. But I've got to get past this anger I'm feeling.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.

Divorce was filed, but I'm willing to give her one more chance. I'm watching.


Posts: 313 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, I doubt there has been further contact. Not my call to make though. Her actions since DD 2 seem to indicate at least a level of remorse

I totally agree with this. I don't think that SS17 did anything to instigate this.
I think the OM is a delusional and bat-shit crazy guy who lives in a *reality* that is all his own.

SWAT you don't have to *do* anything about OM. OM is going to cook his own goose. You and WW just need to watch your backs, circle the wagons, and enforce consequences for every breach that he makes. Hopefully it doesn't take him long to realize that his only 2 options are to leave you both alone or cool his jets in a jail cell.

Have fun tonight -- make sure to have a designated driver or call a cab! ( I'm a mom, sue me......)


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7706 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Swims
♀ Member
Member # 30992
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Read the book "The Sociopath Next Door" by Dr. Martha Stout. It was recommended to me by my MC (because of people my FWH was associated with). A frightening but fascinating read.... I think that you are dealing with this with the OM. It's a game to him and you and your WW are the pawns. The title of this thread makes me shudder...OM wins. And that's what the sociopath wants. I'm so sorry. You have been dealing with this with amazing strength and compassionate understanding. Keep on with the good work, SWAT

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: East Coast
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right or wrong I'm going out and getting drunk off my ass

BTDT. Take someone *in the know*. Someone smart enough to know if you need the shoulder to cry on or lean on cause they put that damned door in crooked. Realize that you could release a *shit ton* of emotion. Take someone prepared for that.

She did good with a shit situation.(Yep of her own making). Actions, not words.

Be safe tonight


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2578 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
k8la
♀ Member
Member # 38408
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be careful too - OM is just as likely to be someone you run into on the way to getting drunk. If you're not in control of all your faculties, you might do something you regret.

Remember - this man intentionally lied about you, sought out ways to destroy you in a very personal way. Don't be in the same proximity as him while under any kind of mood altering influence!


Posts: 122 | Registered: Feb 2013
needadvise
♀ Member
Member # 43218
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be careful tonight. There are cycles of emotions that us bs go through. It doesn't seem to end.
I've been through this cycle and still continue to go through it.
It's very painful. Give it time no matter what you decide.

[This message edited by needadvise at 8:10 PM, May 19th (Monday)]


BS: 48 Me
WH: 46 him
DD 17 Ours
DS 23 Mine

DDAY 4/17/2013 my father's anniversary death date.
2013 to present: TT big time
1 PA/EA
9 more women PAs all of our 17 years of marriage. Never had a clue until TT in the last year. Showe


Posts: 98 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
Twitchy
♂ Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat, my read on this is POSOM Is trying to hurt you the only way he can, now. He's trying to take away your honour and your career.

He's thinking that if he gets you angry enough, you'll do something that'll land you in jail and he have ruined your life like, in his warped thinking, you've ruined his.

Take whatever steps you need to prevent that outcome. Don't let him win that way.


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 611 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
Chicky
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

.....POSOM Is trying to hurt you the only way he can, now. He's trying to take away your honour and your career.

He's thinking that if he gets you angry enough, you'll do something that'll land you in jail and he have ruined your life.....

Yes, yes, 1000 times YES!!! Do NOT let him bait you, I don't care what he does, don't fall for it.


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 522 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
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