Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: PTSD (44945)

Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: OM wins...I'm done.
PhoenixReborn
♂ Member
Member # 22135
Default  Posted: 2:48 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From what I remember, the OM blames you for ruining his life...

It really sounds like he is just trying anything he can to ruin your life.
Be careful, He sounds revenge driven now, if he now has nothing to lose, then remember desperate people can do desperate things, especially if his is intent on destroying you and/or you family.
Collateral damage (your kids and their intact family) are likely not even be a consideration.

IMO it seems your WW is awestruck by the Pandora's box she has opened and the fallout that continues from it.

I wish you both well.

PR


Me - XBF 40 (Fiance)
Her - XWF (who cares)
# Always trust your Gut - I didn't and am now regretting it. #
-Only give up when you won't regret giving up.-

Posts: 1118 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Australia
spond
♂ Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Came home and she said she called the police and is pressing charges.

It's nice to see SS17 showing you with actions and making the right choice.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 402 | Registered: Dec 2013
redrock
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still pulling for her to get better but sometimes I just can't take it. I want her to get better and fix herself. I just don't know how much more of OM I can take.

You need to separate the actions of OM/WW. For all of the shit she has done, she didn't drive all over your lawn and write that email. He did.

Did she invite him into your marriage? You bet your ass she did. She has much ownership to take and work to do, but she didn't write that email. This guy was invested, at her invitation, in taking over your life. It hasn't worked out and he doesn't have much to show for it. He is going to try to fish and get his edge back.

You don't owe anyone an explanation a to why you are done.

All that she can now is start from where she is. It is drop in the bucket to make that call. Perhaps your are not willing to wait for her to make the 1000's more deposits in the trust but verify bucket. That is your choice.

However, it is my opinion that she is making that effort. It may be too late, it may not ping on your radar of give a shit. Again, your choice. That drop doesn't mean much yet. Perhaps all you can do in the 'not divorcing' state is wait to see if any of it makes an impact over time.

I'm sorry. This sucks.


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
redrock
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still pulling for her to get better but sometimes I just can't take it. I want her to get better and fix herself. I just don't know how much more of OM I can take.

You need to separate the actions of OM/WW. For all of the shit she has done, she didn't drive all over your lawn and write that email. He did.

Did she invite him into your marriage? You bet your ass she did. She has much ownership to take and work to do, but she didn't write that email. This guy was invested, at her invitation, in taking over your life. It hasn't worked out and he doesn't have much to show for it. He is going to try to fish and get his edge back.

You don't owe anyone an explanation a to why you are done.

All that she can now is start from where she is. It is drop in the bucket to make that call. Perhaps your are not willing to wait for her to make the 1000's more deposits in the trust but verify bucket. That is your choice.

However, it is my opinion that she is making that effort. It may be too late, it may not ping on your radar of give a shit. Again, your choice. That drop doesn't mean much yet. Perhaps all you can do in the 'not divorcing' state is wait to see if any of it makes an impact over time.

I'm sorry. This sucks.


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just don't know how much more of OM I can take. I think he has seriously gone of the deep end. I look at my WW and see her distress and pain. I didn't cause it she did but I want to help her.
He IS the problem now.

In 99% if affairs, once the WW is remorseful, the affair is over and she is trying hard to R, the OM goes away, he is out of the picture.

It is very unusual for the OM to continue to contact and bother the WW, especially like this.

This OM is certainly making it very difficult for your wife to stay on the original course and R. Without all of this interference from the OM, who knows how much better things would be.

Saying she is sorry all of the time, is about the only thing she can say at this time. It is just not often the OM is such a nutcase.

I would say try not to let him ruin the change at R. That is obviously what he wants.


Posts: 3954 | Registered: Jun 2002
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad WW handled it by pressing charges. OM has definitely gone off the deep end. I'm afraid anything less than pressing charges each time will only serve to encourage him to continue his attempts. OM got away with emailing in the past so hopefully this will let him know that any attempt at contact with your WW is not going to be tolerated.

I do hope you are able to get your kids into some kind of counseling. All of this can't be easy on them.


BW: 41
WH: 48
Married 18 years. SD: 25 from his 1st. M. DS: 20 from 1st M. DD: 16 (autistic)

D-day: Oct. 2013 with ongoing revelations.
6 affairs, 1 OC, My sister was OW#5 with countless attempted A's.
Considering R but fully ready to D.


Posts: 294 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just checking in with you brother. I hope it was a good evening.

strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
TXMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28857
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you had a good night… and all is ok, or as ok as possible at this point.


ME - BS - 33
WH - 30
Married 9 years, together 11
2 kids: D8, S2
D-Day: June 10th, 2010
Trudging through R.

Posts: 593 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: TX
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope you're chugging water, eating a few aspirin, and wishing that you had had about 2 less than you did. And that you had an epic night!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Surprisingly good this morning. Called the wife very early and made sure she and the kids were alright. Got up early enough to get in a run and ended up at in laws and saw the kids before school.

Took the wife to the station so she could sign yet another PO
Form. OM was arrested early morning for PO violation and DWI.

Then I took her to the DA's office and spoke with ADA prosecuting. OM has numerous charges and is being offered another plea bargain. This one gets him convictions for PO violation and DWI and a 10 year PO for wife. If convicted any other PO violations or DWI in the next 10 years is a felony.

When we left my wife just grabbed my hand and apologized for hurting me and bringing this mess into our lives and she asked if I needed her to do anything. For a short time I had the wife I always thought I had back.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
FrmrBH80124
♂ Member
Member # 42967
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat,

Glad to hear you had a good day! Just take it one day at a time and know that we have your back!


ME - BH 45
Her - XWS 30
D - April 2010 - never looked back and good riddance.
Happily remarried!

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are


Posts: 164 | Registered: Apr 2014
TXMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28857
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear your day has gone well. Still praying for you, and your family, SWAT.


ME - BS - 33
WH - 30
Married 9 years, together 11
2 kids: D8, S2
D-Day: June 10th, 2010
Trudging through R.

Posts: 593 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: TX
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT I have read through most of your thread and wow; just wow! I am so sorry you are here, but hoping it gets better soon.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 969 | Registered: Dec 2013
hardtimesinlife
♀ Member
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been reading this thread and I can't help but think that the OM's main goal with having an A was to hurt you, and not because he wanted to be with your wife. It seems like he has always felt like you were the better man and he took this opportunity to stick it to you. His fantasy was that he would humiliate you and take your family thus proving himself to be the better man. Your wife fed those delusions and now that she's not playing the game anymore he is going off the rails. Be careful. He does sound like a sociopath.

You have handled everything amazingly well. Of course it hurts but you have maneuvered this shitstorm with grace and courage.


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6102 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When we left my wife just grabbed my hand and apologized for hurting me and bringing this mess into our lives and she asked if I needed her to do anything. For a short time I had the wife I always thought I had back.

I hope you answered her question with something like this:

"Never let go of my hand and be the woman you promised to be and took the same vows as me."

Keep fighting Swat. Your family is worth it.


Posts: 855 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
Chicky
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Never let go of my hand and be the woman you promised to be and took the same vows as me."

That just made me cry and the only explanation I have is PMS.


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 549 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really hope you didn't say anything like what was posted above. It's way too soon to trust your wife with that much of your emotion. That would be a great line in a movie, but this isn't a movie. The reality is that your wife is still acting on a mixture of fear, adrenaline and self loathing. She is still in self preservation mode. She may very well be remorseful and working hard to change herself into the person you deserve to be married to but it's at least equally likely that her actions at this point are purely self preservational.

She seems to be saying and doing the right things but she did prior to her meeting with the POSER at the bar as well. Hope for the best, but it's far too soon to let your guard down.


Posts: 1681 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
needadvise
♀ Member
Member # 43218
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope I don't cause you anymore pain than what your already going through. Do you mind if I ask what the relationship was with you, your WW and the OM before you and your wife got married?


BS: 48 Me
WH: 46 him
DD 17 Ours
DS 23 Mine

DDAY 4/17/2013 my father's anniversary death date.
2013 to present: TT big time
1 PA/EA
9 more women PAs all of our 17 years of marriage. Never had a clue until TT in the last year. Showe


Posts: 112 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
Chicky
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree and I disagree. Here's why. SWAT's wife has made progress. It's obvious he loves her and wants his marriage to survive. She appears to love him and she DID follow through with pressing charges. Would it be so wrong to express the way he feels even if it is early in the game? Obviously there is a lot of work to be done but sometimes positive encouragement is a good thing. Then again, as in my case with multiple DDays, I had to kick mine to the curb before he "got it". <shrugs shoulders>

eta: needadvise - if you read his wife's (SoSorry17) thread in the wayward forum, you'll find the answer to that.

[This message edited by Chicky at 11:33 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 549 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The history is this. When I was early teens I moved into town and became friends with my future BIL, who was friends with OM. We all became very close and grew up together. After HS I joined the military and left town. OM actually dated my wife briefly before I came home. We eventually started dating and I married my wife. OM was supposed to be one of my best friends and he was one of my supervisors at work.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
Topic Posts: 969
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Lock This Topic is Locked
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.