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Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: OM wins...I'm done.
redrock
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT.

Whatever happens, you have conducted yourself with grace and love throughout this terrible ordeal. You have reached your limit. And if that is what it is or it changes in the future, you have my full support.

I am so very sorry. You will get through this. Sending strength to you.


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
Hurthalo
♂ Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely sympathise Swat, and I know the debilitating rage that comes with TT. When I found out that my fWW had really made out with the OW over 8 times (and not the 'innocent' once off mistake she inferred), I went over the edge. I remember standing near my front door clenching my fists while I hyperventilated. I ashamedly punched my fist through the dry wall, tearing my hand to pieces before jumping in our car and screeching up the street, my only goal being to drive to OMs house and leave his face a red ruin. That level of anger and hurt still scares me to this day. The point is, I had reached my limit.

It sounds like you have hit yours mate. This is the lowest you can fall my friend, and I hope that you take solace noting that things WILL get better for you. We're here for you mate.


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 138 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
titanfour
♂ Member
Member # 26750
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was really sorry to read the latest on this. Nobody won, everyone lost. Frankly, having everyone of your friends and coworkers know about this really is already humiliating. Adding this is basically a perpetual trigger. This is absolutely a whole new dimension of the betrayal.

Everyone has a point of no return. FWIW, I don't think you are making a rash decision at all. My guess here is that WW did not disclose that these pics were taken to you before. It is still collateral damage, but as you see the size of the impact increase, I think its easy to get where it is just too much. What a douche he was to distribute these pics, but no loss in honor to make a decision move on.

You have to do what you think is best for you and your kids. Sound like you are, so good luck.


ME: FBH
HER: FWW
many kids now, 1 then
DDAY: 1987

Reconciled; Sometimes still have hard days, but getting by. Still dealing with feelings I buried,but finally getting them out.


Posts: 264 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: USA
DecimatedWorld
♀ Member
Member # 36889
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The lies probably more so than the actual cheating are what killed any chance of R in my marriage. You asked if she sent pics and she said no. She looked right in your eyes, no doubt full of the pain she put there and lied right to your face to protect herself... I get it. I know that feeling all too well SWAT. Hugs to you and your children.

I know it doesn't seem like it right now but you are made of tough stuff and you really are going to be ok. Your character and decency shine through each and every one of your posts.


BS-36
WH-38
DD-13 DD-10
DDay-Aug 1st

Posts: 54 | Registered: Sep 2012
Hurthalo
♂ Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's exactly it. The lies during the affair are one heinous thing, continued lies after the fact are even worse.

I got the 'IDK, IDR' regarding very simple affair details that were easily confirmable, and my fWW's continual misleading of me in regards to my continued discovery of new and more disturbing facts drove me to filing for divorce. I pulled it in the end, but I know exactly how SWAT feels.

How they can compartmentalise and pre-meditate affair details to spy-levels of covertness before magically forgetting all details of it on discovery just amazes me.


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 138 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SWAT)))

I have a tremendous amount of respect for you and awe at the way you've handled things so gracefully. I fully support whatever you choose in this situation. I'm sorry it has come to this, though.


Posts: 11742 | Registered: Mar 2008
saveus
♂ Member
Member # 43251
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hats off to you SWAT. Whatever's next, you have my full support & admiration. Following your story has helped me with mine. If only I could find your strength.

All the best.


Me: BS/39
Her: WS/37
Together: 15 years
Married: 7 years
1 amazing little boy, 5, the love of our lives
D-Day 1: 14/4/2014 (EA/one night PA)
D-Day 2: 30/4/2014 (sexting/PA longer & ongoing)
D-Day 3: 4/5/2014 (earlier PA, another OM)

Posts: 258 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: UK
HeBrokeVows
♀ Member
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT, I've been following your story and wondering how this was all going to play out. I agree with whoever said everyone has a point of no return, you had yours. I had mine. Once I found out through his secret email account that I finally read some horrible things he did financially and starting a home together, I had my point of no return. Some day you will thank her for giving you the gift of finding happiness. We don't see this now, a good friend recently told me that and I see how that can be in the future. Take care of yourself during this time. Maybe this was the door slammed you needed.


Dday March 12, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.

Posts: 467 | Registered: Apr 2014
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT, checking in on you.
Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2978 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending prayers and strength.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5256 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Twitchy
♂ Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat, how are you doing? We're worried about you, man.


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 644 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((( Swat and kiddos )))


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6520 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
saveus
♂ Member
Member # 43251
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope you're doing OK, SWAT.


Me: BS/39
Her: WS/37
Together: 15 years
Married: 7 years
1 amazing little boy, 5, the love of our lives
D-Day 1: 14/4/2014 (EA/one night PA)
D-Day 2: 30/4/2014 (sexting/PA longer & ongoing)
D-Day 3: 4/5/2014 (earlier PA, another OM)

Posts: 258 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: UK
Tom67
♂ Member
Member # 42664
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat you did all you could.
Come back when you are ready and take care of the kids.

Posts: 235 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry...your kids need you...make YOU and your kids your priority...YOU are the adult in this situation...


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 613 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I again want to thank everyone. Your kind words and support have been tremendously helpful. Tuesday morning I attended a third funeral for a LEO. All three were in the county I was born in and I feel for the entire community there.

Well I spoke with my lawyer today and she has put together the proposition for WW to look at. I want nothing from her other than she needs to keep her hands off my pension. I worked for it she didn't and that it all I'm going to have to live on later in life. I changed the beneficiary on my life insurance from WW to my kids. I changed my "your dead" packet as well. My kids get everything and if I died tommorrow they are going to be alright financially. About three weeks ago now WW got a huge inheritance. And I do mean huge. So she doesn't need my money. I'm going to have to pay child support, that is a given and something I gladly will do. She really won't need it but that is not something a even care about now.

Today I'm just kind of sad. So much has happened in a short time and I'm just barely keeping my head above the water.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 336 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
saturnpatrick
♂ Member
Member # 35989
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After all you've been through, you have this to say:

Today I'm just kind of sad

Are you related to Chuck Norris? (The greatest bad-ass ever?)

Are YOU Chuck Norris?

Good to hear from you.

[edited for those who might not get Chuck Norris jokes]

[This message edited by saturnpatrick at 11:35 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


BH
I typo therefore I edit.

Posts: 196 | Registered: Jun 2012
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what to say my friend. I know you are hurt. I guess the only thing I know is that time heals. You have three beautiful children who love you and need you. And you have a good job. In time you will recover and be you again.

please keep in touch here. You and your story have touched a lot of people as evidenced by the size of your threads.

Hang in there friend.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, that's a heavy load. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this at the same time.

How are you? Are you in IC? You're a prime candidate for PTSD. Have you seen an IC recently? You're carrying a lot on your shoulders. A little help wouldn't hurt.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2978 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do have an IC. It helps some. It is difficult for me to open up with people. Which is kind of weird as I seem to spill my guts here. I'm just at a point where I feel a profound numbness about everything. When it rains it pours ya know.

Some people where asking about the pictures and the PO and all of that. To be honest I don't care what or if she does anything about it. It doesn't matter when or if OM sent them and to who he sent them. There was only one time those pictures were sent that bother me now. When she sent them. The fact that OM friends are showing off her pictures just shows the class of people they really are. I hope WW is happy with just about every cop in the department seeing her T&A and what's in between. It sucks but most of the guys and gals I work with are genuinely good people and they understand what I'm going through. OM, WW and his friends are burning bridges faster than they can be built. My department sent us to a funeral for a NYS trooper. Several people were authorized to go, but OM friends asked to go since it is a work day with no actual police work. They were all denied and no one wanted them as travel partners anyway or so I have been told m

Yes. Chuck Norris is a bad ass and I wish I was him right about now.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 336 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
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