Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: adamsr (45456)

Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: OM wins...I'm done.
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today just sucks. Here I am about 200 yards from my house. I'm home but not. Got out of work at 8:00am and have spent a good part of the morning with the kids. I'm just so tired. I'm tired of work. I'm tired of lack of sleep. I'm tired of reminding myself it isn't my fault. I'm tired of then thinking maybe I could have done things different and she wouldn't have cheated. I'm tired of WW trying. I'm just tired of everything.

I mean its a beautiful day out and I can't enjoy it. I spent time with my kids and made them breakfast. But I've got to work and so they are with their mother. I've got six hours until work and I haven't slept. I can't. This whole thing just takes up so much of my time and energy. My kids seems mad at me today, they wouldn't say what was wrong. I'm not even sure there is anything wrong or if they were mad. I'm not thinking straight today.

This just sucks.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 336 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please try to get some sleep, SWAT. We aren't at our best when sleep deprived. What always helps me sleep and turns off my mind is to put something really boring on tv, try to watch it and before you know it, I am asleep. (((SWAT)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9852 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It totally sucks. I promise promise promise that you will get to enjoy beautiful days again. (((SWAT70)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17909 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This just sucks.

Only for awhile. Hang in there. You will be amazed at how wonderful life really can be.

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will echo the other's SWAT. It most definitely will get better. Everyone is in different states of shock. This eventually will get better.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2225 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea, that four letter word and what you do with it. Blackout curtains and sleep aids?

Honestly, the kids will be alternately *mad* at both of you. They are going to be going through a wild range of emotions. Try to keep them isolated as much as possible from the interactions between SS17 and yourself as possible. This is confusing enough for them.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3035 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things will get better. Just follow up on what the counsellor suggests, and continue to show them lots of love (like I'm sure you already do), and it will get better.

In the meantime, I agree, have you thought about sleeping aids? Chemical, herbal, ...?

Also, keep in mind the possibility of becoming depressed, it's a realistic possibility, unfortunately.

And there isn't a single thing you could have done to prevent her from cheating, except for chaining her up. It's natural to wonder, but there really isn't.

Best wishes!

P.S.: We're proud of you!


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 256 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Swat70)))

Try reading to help you sleep. I know how obsessed we are at this point, so I will recommend the one that really, REALLY helped me:
Not Just Friends. It is excellent. I read it on my Kindle and keep underlining more and more of it.

You will have better days ahead - I promise you. You deserve so much better than all this crap...


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 431 | Registered: May 2014
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat, when my dad was working midnights, he got a window air conditioning unit. Provided "white noise" which really blocked out other noises and helped him sleep. Not much help in the winter here, but for 6 plus months a year it was a blessing. It also let us kids know when he was sleeping and not to be disturbed absent genuine emergency,

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you have an easy quick shift and get to take the chance to sleep soon. If you must, take a Tylenol PM to help you.

We all feel for you. The befuddled sleepless mind zombie sucks.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Hidingmyhurt
♀ Member
Member # 43525
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat, I've read this thread but not had the words to say to provide comfort, but your last post is so how I was feeling right after the last D Day. I was not sleeping but 1-2 hours a night, not eating, losing weight...and much darker. I went to the dr and was put on an antidepressant (not a sleep aid). It has made an incredible difference in my ability to tolerate life. I'm sleeping, able to talk and watch tv without breaking down in tears...and my kids and I are having wonderful times together. Even though I'm in the mix of making some major choices and changes, I have some calm. Just something I would pass along as I know you have to be hurting so much more than I was.
I hope you are able to get some rest and calm soon.

Hidingmyhurt


Me: BW 39
Him: STBXWH 47
Married 10 years
2 sons, 14 and 9
DDays 2004,2008,2012 and 5/8/14

Posts: 60 | Registered: May 2014 | From: USA
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 4:20 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

one thing to consider is to go to a dr and get sleeping pills. another thing to consider is anti-depressant/anxiety medicines.

im on both. before the whole infidelity train wreck hit me i was one of those with no sleeping problems, could sleep through ANYTHING and fall asleep within seconds. i never even took asprin or anything. it took me about 6 months of 2-3 hours of sleep a night and assorted problems before i finally "admitted" to myself that i needed some form of help. i still struggle with that because ive never "needed" help and took pride in standing on my own two feet. but facts are facts, i guess everyone needs help at some point.

especially considering your job field ... its VERY important that you get sufficient sleep or else it begins to impair your judgment.


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 555 | Registered: Jan 2014
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swat

I hope today was a better day than yesterday.

Of course the kids are mad. They are upset. They are confused.

Their perfect world is changing and they do not understand why.

And you are just as hurt as they are.

And so is their Mom.

So focus on assuring them that you both love them. Do things together so they see Mom and Dad still loving them.

It is all you can do as parents.

One day at a time buddy. One day at a time.

HM


Posts: 906 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT

Your safety depends on you being alert. We need you to stay safe out there. Try you best to decompress a little bit and get some rest


Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Melatonin and white noise (fan) and sleep with windows open!

definitely consider meds if this is effecting you too much. you have to sleep. Have too. And eat. I don't care if you have to set a timer on your phone that says "eat" "drink water", do it. Even if it's snickers and koolaid. Eat and drink.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SWAT))))

I hope you have gotten some sleep since your last post. If not please talk to your Dr about this. You are not someone who should be out there working if you are sleep deprived.

Try to use work as a break from the shitstorm. It was actually my saving grace. It was where I couldn't allow it to be the center of my thoughts and concentration, thus the fight/flight response would abate, and I would be able to eat a bit then.

This will get easier. This will get better.

Keep those lines of communication open with the kids. Let them know if they are angry that's ok, let them know that no matter what you are always an ear to listen, a support they can lean on, and their soft place to land.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just so tired. I'm tired of work. I'm tired of lack of sleep. I'm tired of reminding myself it isn't my fault. I'm tired of then thinking maybe I could have done things different and she wouldn't have cheated. I'm tired of WW trying. I'm just tired of everything.

I was saying the exact same thing this time last year, SWAT. It's a feeling that probably all BS on this site can relate to. Mental, emotional, exhaustion. This is heavy stuff. And there's no miracle cure.

What helped me: exercise (if you already do it, step it up a notch and make new goals), activities with the kids (this time last year I was teaching my boys baseball and giving my daughters driving lessons), and reading. And when I felt like it, diving into work.

It will get better my friend. And the feeling will come back from time-to-time, but it starts to become more manageable. Hang in there, lots of people here are rooting for you!


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1462 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sleeping makes everything seem worse, if that is possible.

Exercise, melatonin, valerian root. If those fail go see your doctor. BTDT.

Sleeping will help your brain deal with everything. Yes it does pass, but it doesn't go away overnight.

Hang in there. If you can weather the storm the clouds part and the metaphorical sun shines again.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2570 | Registered: May 2010
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. Guess I was on the down slope of the ride this weekend. I'm feeling better today.

Made some cosmetic changes recently. I don't know if I've ever told you guys about my tattoos. I've got a few and they are all very tasteful I might add. My kids names, military unit and some law enforcement stuff. Before we got married WW didn't have a single tat, but liked her piercings. She kind of got hooked after one though.

I had her favorite flower with her name hidden in the stem over my heart. That one is gone, or should I say covered up with the NLEOMF emblem. We HAD matching Celtic wedding band tattoos. I'm no wimp, but laser removal hurt a lot worse than the tat.

I haven't seen a doctor for my lack of sleep and I skipped my IC appointment. I tried but it just isn't for me anymore. Sleep has been better the last two days. Maybe I was just exhausted enough. My PT regiment has picked up thats for sure. I'm trying to eat right and stay hydrated but its hard with my appetite loss. I've lost some weight but I'm feeling better.

Right or wrong I will handle this like everything else. I'll keep moving forward and deal with obstacles as they come. So I'm off of work for two days and didn't have any plans. BIL stopped by. Haven't talked to him much lately and that hurts. He has always been my best friend. I took someone's sage advice and spent the morning with him. We grabbed some guns and shot some shit up. And not one word about WW or her affair was mentioned. Got home and had a beer with him and he left about an hour ago. Time for my power nap before the kids get home. WW and I are only in contact for the kids right now and she sent a text she needed some time tonight. So I'm thinking some volleyball in the pool and anything they want grilled. It's the only way I know how to cook and yes you can grill anything. Or at least that's my motto. I've even grilled a pizza.

So I'm back to marking the days. Today I think is a win for me. I haven't wasted any time on OM, my WW on the other hand..meh.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 336 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've even grilled a pizza.

You sound better today.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jan 2010
Topic Posts: 969
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Lock This Topic is Locked
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.