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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: dealing with childish behavior
AlwaysBeenStrong
♀ Member
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So the stbx lost his job, less than a month ago. Come to find out he hasn't paid any bills for the last 3 months since I have kicked him out and all the shut offs are starting. He was already ordered status quo and is responsible for all the bills. The tool won't answer my calls, only hides behinds texts which are not conversations at all and doesn't give me any answers that I really need. Gas was already shut off, he had it restored.

Well, I went on a mini vacation, just to get away from it all, visted my best friend in another state to celebrate my grades and getting the long needed break from my chaos. All I had to pay for was my gas and food, which basically the whole vacation cost about $200.

Now mind you, it was glorious, NOT ONE TEXT nothing the whole time I was gone. Well thanks to FB, I have him blocked but forgot...just because I deleted him, doesn't mean everyone did, he found out. I get the pity text "Must be nice to take a trip to PA, I guess I cannot ask you for help with getting the bills paid" All I responded was "if you would like to ask me to help, you need to call me like a normal human being."

I hate the fact that I am living in constant stress of what will be shut off next. The only way anything gets resolved, is if I call his mommy or stepdaddy and then shit gets done. My son and I are scraping up money for our phones and cable not to be shut off, I know I will have to save for my car note.

It just amazes me, how he has just abandoned all his responsibilities and here I am saving him again. How is this fair to me? How is it fair that my son has to help pay his parents bills? I cannot believe after being with someone for 23 years, he is a complete stranger...someone I am beginning to hate, because he can do all that he wants to me...but now his children are suffering and how is that fair??

Thanks for reading, just needed to vent, off to work my waitressing job...hopefully we will be busy so I can get all the bills paid. STRESSED TO THE MAX!


BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was already ordered status quo and is responsible for all the bills.

I wouldn't pay him a cent until you check with your L. I would not be saving him. Let mummy and stepdaddy do that - he fired you from that job, remember?

If he is legally required to do it it is his problem. I'd take him to court and make sure to seek costs because he is in violation.

It stops when you say it stops.

The stress must be Unbelieveable - do not add to your burden to help him out. FTG. He doesn't get to remark on your life anymore BTW. I'd ignore any reference he makes to it. You don't have to justify or defend yourself to him. If it comes done to it you have more than you need to prove yourself to a judge.

This guy just doesn't matter anymore. Repeat until it sticks.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5440 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto what SBB said. You don't have to defend yourself. You could be jet-setting around the world and he is still responsible for the bills. Any changes have to go through the court. That's what your lawyer's being paid the big bucks for.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1545 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay for going on your mini vacay!! It is so important to carve time for yourself.

I'm confused. You say he is kicked out yet you are worried about "saving him"? Why? If you are separated, then your focus should be on YOU. You say that you and your son are scraping up money for phones and cable so why are you even considering helping stbx? You are right ... it is not fair to you so choose to not make it your responsibility because he isn't your responsibility any more.

Crickets would probably have been the best response to his text but if it was me, I would have texted "It was glorious!"


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2117 | Registered: Oct 2012
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it possible for you to switch whatever household utilities/bills he's supposed to be paying into your name, paying them yourself, keeping track of what you're paying, and then making him *settle up* through the divorce decree? I'm not saying to let him off the hook right now -- absolutely notify him of what is due when and how much and give him *credit* for what he DOES pay.....but at least this way you'd know the bills are paid and you won't have a sense of dread every time you flip a light switch or turn on the oven.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7706 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Smashedat58
♀ Member
Member # 41705
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is so unfair that your WH is becoming a wasted space, and in the meantime you and your son have to suffer. Your WH needs some mental help. He is not just making you uncomfortable, but he is ruining his own credit. Can you opt off his account, and open your own? You would build up your own credit while his goes down the drain. I am having some of the same difficulties, where my STBX is forgetting to pay bills, and I am getting notices from third parties. I have no source of income, but we have plenty in investments. It hurts STBX pride to have to take money out of them. Another waste of space!

Posts: 162 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Upstate New York
AlwaysBeenStrong
♀ Member
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By paying the bills, I will be saving the ex. He was supposed to pay my attorney fees and they are already hounding him. He goes to jail if he is in contempt and technically the gas getting shut off was contempt. As soon as he switched the phones around "to save money", contempt. Him going to jail, would be useless to me...need him working, ya know.

I am keeping track of every penny I pay out. I will get that back. I cannot even find out what is due, to whom and by when, he has gotten all the bills from the mail. Just like GonnaBe said, it's stressing every time I switch on the light...I just want the divorce, so if I am struggling, it's because of me...and not him anymore!

Going out now to have a few drinks with the ladies from work...it's beautiful out and I now have a little time for life, now that school is done until August


BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Him going to jail, would be useless to me...need him working, ya know.

He's not in jail now and he's pretty useless to you. Perhaps a stint in jail or the threat of it might motivate him to actually DO something about paying the bills.

Why would he be motivated to do anything when you or his mummy save him every time?

[This message edited by SBB at 12:54 AM, May 11th (Sunday)]


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5440 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Smashedat58
♀ Member
Member # 41705
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, May 11th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with SBB. You are just reinforcing his behavior. Get him locked up. You probably have a friend or relative that can help you with the bills in the meantime. Don't try to hang on to him, or his bad behavior. My attorney told me that I was the one who allowed the bad behavior of my husband, and let him manipulate me. She was right. Put your foot down, he is no longer in control.

Posts: 162 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Upstate New York
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, May 11th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You mentioned he lost his job a month ago. Looks like he has the free time to spend sitting in jail. I'd let it happen. Maybe then going to work would seem like a better option to him.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 844 | Registered: Aug 2011
AlwaysBeenStrong
♀ Member
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No family members to help. Times are tough. My son and I did it...I made enough to help him pay the bill. Work has given me another shift since school is out for the summer.

I am a true believer in Karma...he's digging his own grave. I just want this chapter closed, I am not hanging on to this man, I want whatever I am going to get out of this 17 years of hell. I am just physically and emotionally drained from the drama this waste of my airspace creates for me and my children. The newest rumor is, if he doesn't keep his job...he will kick the kids out of the house (they were staying with the house basically) and rent it out.

Supposedly he starts with a roofing company today and needs to come to the house for tools. Lucky me, my day off and I get to see him yea...smell the sarcasm?!?!


BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
Topic Posts: 11

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