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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How could he bring the OW to our house?
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had this experience, it is the worst feeling ever. My WW had more than one man in my home, the betrayal and disrespect is beyond measure. I took beds out tossed out anything I knew they touched. I wanted to move as well, but in the end it is not the fault of the home itself, it is the falt of the one granting access to it.

What you have to consider most is, the person defiled (your spouse) is much worse than the home. If you can be intimate with him, you can be intimate with your home.

Yes violating the sancity of a home is really unforgivable, there is never an exuse for that. It shows the fantasy of the WS is also way beyond understanding. Only someone completely dilusional would do such a thoughtless thing such a selfish and horrible thing.

It was and still is unfathomable to me. How could he be with another woman in our home with our children's pictures everywhere? With our wedding picture on full display? Again, we will never understand it because it simply is surreal and illogical

Yes, when the AP saw our family pictures my WW told me he said, "woah, this is getting out of hand we need to stop, i dont want to mess up your family" What a F-er!! He knew me, he knew we were married and had kids, why did he have to see my home and my pictures before coming to that brilliant conclusion. These cheaters, I tell you, worthless...someone please tell me why I bother to give my WW another chance?!!

[This message edited by steppingup at 12:17 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)]


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 411 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
BlueBlueEyes
♀ Member
Member # 43949
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stepping up,
I think you're asking the same question as the rest of us. Why are any of us fighting for marriages with selfish, lying cheating spouses? The answer is because WE took our vows seriously and don't throw in the towel when the going gets rough. I don't see where the affair happened as contributing anything that can't be overcome. I'd change some things and reclaim. I had this overwhelming urge to throw out all of my wS underwear!! Ok crazy maybe but when I visualize doing it and him having to go replace all, I do laugh a little. Every laugh counts! I didn't do it though. Still enjoy the thought!


BW - 49
WH - 50
Married 30 years
Beautiful Son, Daughter and 2 Grandsons.

OW - multiple, just found out about ALL of them, Husband coming out of years of fog due to multiple childhood and military events.

Hopeful but cautious


Posts: 194 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Texas
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To Blue Eyes, after my WW first affair I had her toss out ever piece of underwear and lingerie she shared with AP. Those items many of which i bought her were personal and a part of intimacy, she understood why, and did so immediately.

I was a hard time, she took out many items I realy liked, and this was not the cheap stuff either...100s of dollars in fine garments, right into the trash can.


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 411 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
shatteredheart12
♀ Member
Member # 43567
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were building a new home and I found out a month after it happened that WH had taken OW to the house and showed her around. In a conversation with OW months later, she told me they would have stayed at the house that night if there had been furniture in it, Thank God it was still unfurnished!!!!!! so they stayed at a hotel that night

It took me a long time to feel good about being here, 2 months after their "visit", my dd and I moved in, WH has spent time here but hasn't officially lived in this new house and its been 2 years since we moved in

The chesterfield that we have is one WH got from a friend who I suspected was actually the OW, although he kept denying it. I knew the truth and even had OW tell me it was hers and that they had had sex on it, , but I claimed it as ours long before she shared this little tidbit with me, maybe I should have said that we did too

I look back on the past 2 1/2 years and wish I had said this or done that, but in the end, I will be the one to win, no one can say I did anything against them, although OW likes to play the victim, that I am causing problems for them, trying to come between them

My advice is to strip the room of everything, change the colour of the walls, change the flooring and if you don't need it to be a bedroom, turn it in to a home office or workout room, anything but a bedroom


Posts: 53 | Registered: May 2014
steadychevy
♂ Member
Member # 42608
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW took her POSOM to our house as well. We had talked about how our house was our santuary against the world. How we could go home, shut and lock the doors and be safe. It was our refuge. She took him there with out regard. She was always going to his place (he was separated because his wife caught him committing adultery but not with my WW). I guess she wanted to spread the love around.

The first time they had sex (they had been physical for six months) she took him to one of our pastures along a small river to a meadow that we both liked because of its beauty. I was away looking for more land for us to expand our ranching operation. She took him there.

I did not know any of this until 8 to 10 years later. The pasture DDay 1 and our house DDay 3. Lots of denials before all of that. Explicitly said she had never had him to our house on several ocassions after DDay 1. We moved from the house before I knew and moved our ranch so were not using that pasture any more either.

However, it sickens me to think that she could do such things without regard to us and our memories and pleasant times. There is much more but that is enough for now.


Ted


BH(me)63
WW-57
M 37 years
DDay1-09/1/13;DDay2-10/13;DDay3 12/19/13
LTA-09/02-11/02 EA;12/02-?/06 PA
OM -COW
"dates" w/3 former lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment;years of lies, denial

Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Canada
Hopefuldad468
♂ Member
Member # 44143
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry....my WS also admitted to having the OM at our house...but never in our bed. I left this one alone because I want to believe this ( I have a really nice bed).

She did admir to the couch, etc....but since it is nice leather i just gave it a good cleaning and decided what is done is in the past.


Remember these things are just things...we want to be mad and discusted at something so we take out on the poor house and furnature.. In my case the OM ran a business, so I burned everything with the logo or signature in my house. This was only for me and my mind to feel good.

For you I would make a negative into a positive...redecorate the room and get new furniture if you must...make this a safe place for you and a fun place for you and eliminate the trigger.

It is just a romm like all other rooms...the rest is in our heads.

Be mad at what he did and not where he did it.

Redecorate your life with things you enjoy...show him you are a strong person...

Good luck


Posts: 65 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Midwest USA
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two weeks ago I found out from friends that he was seen with a young woman

I applaud your friends. This must have been difficult for them to share with you but thankfully they did. I would want friends like this!

My WH brought POS MOW into my home, my bed, my car. What did I do?

GOT RID OF ALL OF IT.

-Bought a new house.
-Bought a new car.
-Made him buy a new car.
-Bought new bed/mattress/bedding.bedroom furniture.
-Tossed all wine glasses (alcoholic, so I know she drank out of them...just not sure which one so I dumped all)

If I thought her skanky ass touched it I tossed it!

And I have NO regrets.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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