Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 2yr anniversary of A and I thought I was over it
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I'm here to say that I was wrong. A initiated in May 2012 and it's been 2yrs. I did good the first couple of weeks of the month and didn't think about it much till this past Saturday. Boy did I trigger hard. Still trying to get back up. Hurts like a MOFO! I hate it. Definitely set us back. I can't help it. It's like a black cloud that pushes you down flat. A hole in your heart that you wish you could scream out or vomit, but it just stays there. Truth is said that you do not need water to feel like your drowning. It's happening to me. I'm trying to get up as the week has started and I'm back at work. Today is suppose to be our anniversary of getting married. Oh well. Bad mother's day for my FWW.

Advice?


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
eachdayisvictory
♀ Member
Member # 40462
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You may or may not want to hear this, so if it's no good for you; ignore.

Have you ever considered what you said about drowning? I know EXACTLY what you feel and unquestionably felt that too. What took me back to myself (slowly over a long time) was my work in IC to realize that I was, in fact, not drowning at all. To realize that I had the power to choose to breathe, to be happy, to get out of the water.

Are you in therapy? I am still at 15 months, and I'm not sure when it will end - giving up on an 'ending' has been important in my healing.

Another thing that has helped me tremendously is to let myself feel sad instead of fighting against it or feeling like a failure all the time. It's not a failing, it's human. You are experiencing the pain of trauma because you are human! You are not alone, and you can feel better sometime if it's what you choose (intended to be hopeful, not a judgement on your feelings).

I'm stuck in sadness today, that's why I came here, to work it out, read about others going through the same thing, and hopefully move forward after I've honoured my shitty feelings as much as I feel like I need to. I'm going to start by having lunch right now in the staff room instead of by myself in front of the computer pretending to do work, but really cultivating my sadness.

You can do this, do what's right for you.


me, BW: 34
FWH: 35
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 3 and 6
Reconciling

Posts: 380 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nova Scotia, Canada
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I echo what eachday says in terms of advice. My own feelings at 2 years sound like they weren't as difficult as what you describe, but it was a tough period.

Roll with the pain, bro. I believe that feeling it releases it, so I also believe the worse you feel now, the better you'll feel sometime in the future.

(((2m2q)))

[This message edited by sisoon at 9:47 AM, May 12th (Monday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10362 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
bytheboard
♀ Member
Member # 37741
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just really wanted to send some love and support your way. It is so hard to continue moving forward with such tremendous pain weighing on you. My husband and I just celebrated four years together and it was so hard to push aside the pain of all the lies starting even from the moment we met, but we did get through it. I really relate to the feelings you described here and I am wishing peace for you as you find your way through this.


BW: sparrow 34
WH: 45 SA(regretswhatidid)
DDays: 9/3/12 ,9/10/12 ,9/12/12 ,10/01/12 ,12/03/12,more TT same events 2/24/12
3x ONS= 2CL hook-ups,1 on TDY
46 Craigslist Ads, AFF, chatrooms,
4EA w/past partners
4 kids

Posts: 55 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Virginia
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys. I'm struggling. Feeling VERY sad and depressed. Every day this month has something attached to it.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Mom-of-4
♀ Member
Member # 29927
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi. I'm 4 1/2 years out. This time of year usually catches me by surprise. It's like my subconscious brain remembers and that black cloud you were talking about suddenly appears over my head. I have 2 toddlers at home and 3 at school. The toddlers and I are having a "lazy day". Which means, mommy doesn't want to be around anyone, or talk on the phone, or see or talk to WH. I just need a break from the emotional turmoil and pain. I have been angry for days, but today I am just tired. Today is my WH birthday, and for the 1st time ever I just don't care. I bought a bday card for the kids to give him. I bought my card a while back. It was on a "good day" that I bought it and I still had a hard time finding the right card. You know, one that doesn't say, "you have always been faithful; there is no man I respect more; i would do it all over again; i'm happier now than I have ever been; I can't imagine life without you" blah blah blah. I actually caught myself saying out loud "yeah right" after reading one card. I never thought I would ever be dealing with an affair. NEVER! I think I will pass on a card this year.

BTW- this is the time of year when I found out I was pregnant with baby #4; I bought him a bunch of great looking clothes for his birthday- which must have really impressed OW- because they started there affair shortly after.


Me- BS 42
WH-43-5 month PA- outed when I was 28 weeks pregnant with baby #4
Married-13 yrs
Children- 5 children under the age of 10
OW- his boss' wife, a "friend"

*Winners never cheat and cheaters never win*


Posts: 213 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: The South
Restartting
♀ Member
Member # 32825
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Roll with the pain, bro. I believe that feeling it releases it, so I also believe the worse you feel now, the better you'll feel sometime in the future.

^^this. I also thought I was past triggering ....until this weekend. The whole past week is filled with some tough dates, and honestly, I thought I was past it. I had a really tough time, but I rolled with it. Let myself cry, let myself feel the pain, FWH listened while I vented. And it sucked.

But, a few days later, I actually feel lighter. I think I dealt with some really deeply buried emotions (the most surprising of which was some serious anger at my former rug sweeping self)and that I was able to release them. I recognize it won't be the last trigger, but I think looking at it as a cathartic release of emotion can help.

[This message edited by Restartting at 2:48 PM, May 15th (Thursday)]


Me: BS 35
Him: FWS 43
DDay 7/1/2011
I'm sad there's a typo in my username. I write on my ipad and edit for typos.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.