Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Charliefox (44896)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Friends Divorce - not I related
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Frustrated  Posted: 10:11 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have this wonderful group of friends who have formed an unrelated-by-blood family (I mostly like them better than my bio-family).

We do lots of things together - we vacation together every year as a group and then we break out for a guy's trip and a women's trip. Some have children and a couple of them are graduating from high school this month.

Anyway, one couple in our group who weren't officially married, but had been living together for 12 years, broke up last fall. It has been really hard for our little family to watch this because we love them both very much. The breakup was very ugly - lots of nastiness on both sides.

Now we know that no one knows what goes on in a relationship except the people who are in it. They were falling apart for a LONG time before we even knew - in public they put on a very good face.

They have both started dating new people, but we have only met the new girlfriend, briefly at a public event. We put out email invitations to the group when we are planning a get-together and we have been including both of them on these invitations.

The man is very upset about this. He insists that she has hurt him so badly that he can never be around her. He wants us to drop her. She has never made the same demand about him. He just wants her to go away, and gets very mad at us because we continue to include her.

He has even gone so far as to say he cannot do any of the men's only functions because he feels that leaves his new gf out of the loop and that she is "his life."

Periodically he comes at individuals in the group with his demand that we cut his ex out. Today it was one of the mother's that has a daughter graduating. She is vulnerable right now as this is her only child and needless to say, the confrontation didn't go well. They are both very angry.

On one hand, I understand his need to avoid her. On the other hand, his insistence that we drop her feels too much like grade school bullying.

Don't really know what I'm asking - just needed to put it out there to people who don't have an investment in the situation.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7690 | Registered: Aug 2005
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, that kind of shit would get him dropped from my group of family/ friends... She's not making demands but he is, shows that he's more concerned about the " ha ha they chose me" aspect than what the group wants. I'd tell him sweetly he doesn't get a say in who you personally hang out with and if he can't control his actions or behavior then you will not want to spend time with him. He needs to put on his big boy pants and suck it up.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 867 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SO says he understands this guy's need to not be in the same space with her. But I think he needs to work that out with her directly and quit putting us in the middle. If this is how some children of divorce feel, then I have sympathy for them.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7690 | Registered: Aug 2005
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you should drop him from the group. He can't force people to stop being friends with someone. There's no reason he can't attend the men's only activities.

Does he do his own events? He can choose to exclude his ex that way, but he can't tell you who to not invite to your events.

Any chance this is coming from his gf?


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't know anything about his gf, other than she is a hospice nurse and he seems to be crazy about her. They started seeing each other very soon after the breakup. I think it might be a rebound relationship, but I really don't know.

SO & I have offered to have dinner with him and new gf - just the 4 of us, but he has turned us down. He says he can't be friends with anyone who is still friends with his X.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7690 | Registered: Aug 2005
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SO & I have offered to have dinner with him and new gf - just the 4 of us, but he has turned us down. He says he can't be friends with anyone who is still friends with his X.

His choice. Buh bye.

Seriously, that is really immature, ok I get not being around your former partner but to say I can't be friends with you because you are friends with her is F'd up.

He can either grow up, or find a whole new group of friends.

Sounds like he could use some therapy to figure out his anger issues.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8428 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Obviously, we don't know what happened to them, but I can't imagine a situation where I would allow someone to tell ME that I can't be friendly with their X. I can understand his wanting to bow out of the group, or at least be privy to the fact that his Xwife was coming to an event, but to tell you to cut her out is rude and obnoxious.

Even in my own situation, old friends have stayed friendly (or at least tried to stay friendly) with the X, and I have no problem with it. In the beginning, I would have been terribly hurt if they the OW but I think I'm over that.

Why are you trying to hard to placate him? He sounds like he has his head firmly up his ass.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 6:31 PM, May 12th, 2014 (Monday)]


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20142 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.