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User Topic: Instagram pics of OM and his BS
Steve55
♂ Member
Member # 41621
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a hard time figuring this out.

How can my W-exGF's married OM keep posting Instagrams of him and his BS, often in romantic poses.

I often wonder if my ex WGF ever sees the pictures and what she thinks when she sees them. It's obviously not enough to make her cut this creep out of her life, but then she is as guilty as he is. Afterall, she's been happily sleeping with a married guy for at least a year and a half now, even though she knows it would be career suicide if anyone found out.

I know infidelity is all about self-entitlement and not caring what their selfish actions do to those around them, but the depths of which some WS' go never fails to amaze me.

[This message edited by Steve55 at 10:18 AM, May 12th (Monday)]


Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: West Coast
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He does it because he is portraying himself as a happily married man. He's able to do this because no one has told his BW that her husband has been having an affair for the last 18 months.

Why hasn't his wife been told?

ETA:

Nevermind..I found this posted a month ago, by you:

"No worries.. We had a debate about that on here a while back.

I believe the BS deserves to know. I did a lot of research and found her work email address (She is a marriage and family therapist).

The problem is, I have no idea if the A is still on going. My ex took this way underground and I have not seen the OM around here in several months.

The last time I read texts on her phone (She now locks it), she seemed to be expressing frustration to him about a lot of issues in her life, including "us". That was about two months ago.

I made a decision, for my own healing, which hasn't been going well, to stop looking and try to distance myself from this as much as I can.

I know and understand that the BS should know and by not telling her, or our Christian school, I am in effect facilitating the A. I'm not totally 100% decided on this. The problem is, I confirmed my suspicions by invading her privacy when I read texts on her phone. I'm not sure what the legal ramifications of that could be to me.."

As I said...he...and any other WS...does this because other people don't want to get involved for whatever reasons. I do feel bad for his BW. It seems everyone knows but the wife...and when she finds out...she will feel like fool. I know I did.
One thing...clearly you haven't stopped looking.

[This message edited by confused615 at 10:31 AM, May 12th (Monday)]


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7298 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Steve55,

How does this focus on your xGF help you? Why wouldn't it be much better for you to detach yourself? What's keeping you in this drama?


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9982 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Steve55
♂ Member
Member # 41621
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are right, I do need to detach myself and I have been trying to do that. I have made a lot of progress from where I was, but I'm not there yet. It's very hard because I was so emotionally involved with her and I saw her as a possible life-companion and then the shock and awe of discovering the A, espcially the way I did. To complicate that, we work in the same office suite, so I see her every day here at school.

That said, I've kept myself distracted by getting back into golf in a big way and also reminding myself of two things; One, I dodged a bullet because this could have been much worse if we'd gotten married, 2. I remind myself of how I felt when I saw the sexts and what an idiot I'd been for months, being in love with her, thinking we were in a committed relationship, all the while she was sleeping with a married man.

[This message edited by Steve55 at 3:59 PM, May 12th (Monday)]


Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: West Coast
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are the chances of you moving on to a new job?


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6356 | Registered: Jan 2011
Steve55
♂ Member
Member # 41621
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are the chances of you moving on to a new job?

I've been looking, but there's not much available in my field in academia here. I keep looking every day, though.

A higher probability is she gets promoted to the Dean's Office and that solves the problem, at least as far as I'm concerned. Hopefully, with that being a possibility she'll drop the OM.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: West Coast
IWantDoOver
Member
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Steve, Didn't you break up with this woman last summer? If you've been OUT of this relationship longer than you were IN it (despite hopes for marriage) I strongly encourage you to seek Individual Counseling.

“Neurons that fire together wire together.” Are your thoughts stuck Steve?


Peace

Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she'll drop the OM

Remember, you're detaching. If you aren't going to tell his wife, this isn't your issue. Let it go.

I was just curious on the job thing. I think it is going to continue to be an uphill battle until you are away from her. A transfer? A move out of state?? Dunno. Just spitballing. Sometimes we have to take drastic measures for our own health.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6356 | Registered: Jan 2011
Steve55
♂ Member
Member # 41621
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Remember, you're detaching. If you aren't going to tell his wife, this isn't your issue. Let it go.

I was just curious on the job thing. I think it is going to continue to be an uphill battle until you are away from her. A transfer? A move out of state?? Dunno. Just spitballing. Sometimes we have to take drastic measures for our own health.

I think the best thing to do is to continue the process of detachment and hope she gets the promotion, which would really help me to move on.

If she doesn't get promoted, though I am pretty sure she will, then I need to work elsewhere because, as another respondent pointed out, it's been over a year and, while I am making progress, I'm not where I need to be yet emotionally. I had a great date on Saturday night with a woman I'd been seeing a few years ago. There's a good chance that will start back up.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: West Coast
Steve55
♂ Member
Member # 41621
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just an update on this.. 1. She got the big promotion. She starts her new job here at school on 8/1.
2. Their affair is still going on, but at least she will be away from me and maybe then I can make more progress healing.

Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: West Coast
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sure it has been asked before, Steve, and I am sure you have a good reason, but why aren't you letting the BS know what her WH is doing?


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9533 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
SpecialK
♀ Member
Member # 42372
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too would like to know why you haven't shared your knowledge of the affair with his wife? Do you think that's fair? How would you have felt?

Posts: 224 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Florida
Steve55
♂ Member
Member # 41621
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

No, it's not fair. My heart goes out to his wife and four kids..I'd want to know.

That said, there are factors here that have precluded me from telling the OM's wife. I would not put it past him to physically harm me or threaten me. He is basically a thug. As a campus cop, he could possibly trump up some charges that could get me fired.

Also, I work with my wayward ex-GF every day and she is in a superior position to me. If her career were threatened by disclosure, I would not be surprised if at the very least she'd make my life so miserable here I'd want to quit and I can't afford to do that.

In any case, selfish as it is, she is moving on and out of my life. I need to end this drama and leave whatever happens to karma, God, whatever. I can't go on living under this cloud.

He was fired by the school a few weeks ago and there is some sort of investigation going on. It doesn't have anything to do with my ex's promotion, but I wouldn't be surprised if she gets implicated somehow before they wrap this up.

[This message edited by Steve55 at 3:49 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: West Coast
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In light of all that drama...
his getting fired, she is your ex, he is married, I say just stay out.

You need to worry about yourself. You are obviously in a lot of pain. Find yourself a good therapist. Talk about this with him or her.

I would also say continue to look for a new job... your ex being your superior is toxic like an oil spill, it will keep you from moving on, if you meet a nice new girl she will likely not be cool with the situation... basically just keep looking for a new job.

As far as the married guy and his wife? Who knows. It's impossible for you to know. Maybe she knows and she stays anyway. Maybe she suspects and doesn't want to confirm. He may have had affairs before. You are not the affair police. Stop looking at their online stuff and take care of yourself.

Best wishes.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
Steve55
♂ Member
Member # 41621
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Absolut,

Thanks so much for your response.

Her promotion is in a different part of the campus. It's a major promotion too. I am certain not seeing her every day will boost my healing. I've already made progress, but I've decided if her move doesn't help to put this behind me, I will seek therapy.

I am pretty certain he's had affairs before. They have four children, two are from relationships previous to his BS. I wouldn't be surprised if he is a serial cheater. It's also possible that his BS cheated with him while he was with the mother of his second child.

It could very well be that she is aware of his cheating, but tolerates it because of the kids or something else he is holding over her. I am sure as well that my ex thinks she can change him, which we know is nonsense with a creep like that.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: West Coast
Topic Posts: 15

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