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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How important is your relationship to you
morethantrying
♀ Member
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been thinking about this and trying to put everything in perspective. On a scale of 1-10 (one lowest) how much importance is your relationship to you in the picture of your whole life?

For me it is quite high...For me God is highest (of course) and then my relationship with my husband because together we can become a better him, me and we.... I also see a marriage relationship as a way to strengthen who I am and become a better me and to be there for someone (with support and advise and forgiveness) as he/she becomes and works to be a better them.

About an 8...so then I should let it go, forgive and grab all that can be positive in what I have chosen to be so important in my life...how about you?


Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 55
Him: WS 62
Married 32 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 276 | Registered: Sep 2013
kate0421
♀ Member
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess right now I would say it depends on what day you ask me...
Pre DDay ? definitely a 10. I couldn't see my life without him, he was my everything.
Post DDAY ? It really varies anywhere from 1-9 depending on which part of my roller coaster I am on. The last month has been a huge shift for me though. I feel like I can finally catch my breath. Think a little, analyze things (too much sometimes). I feel more in control, despite the few roller coaster dips I've had.
Most days I would say 7. Which is still pretty high.


ME: BS
HIM: WS
Together over 9yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 272 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Tampa Bay Florida
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My relationships with my friends, Kids, sisters and parents are now more important and marriage is less important than it was. My relationship with MYSELF has been the most significant change. That I rate now as a 10. Before it was about a 5.
Lost faith in God through this so that has changed as well but may change again.,,


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4696 | Registered: Dec 2010
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

10, only slightly higher than the one with my son. Other things are taking a back seat right now. Before the affair I'd have said 8 or 9, but in practice it was less, because I thought it/we was/were a given.

It was partly that thinking that got us both in trouble, although he made the destructive decisions.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 8:51 PM, May 12th (Monday)]


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1858 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The relationship I have with myself is most important, I need to nurture and love myself before I can love anyone else.

I hold my marriage close, my children and extended family, friends.

I don't think I need a number, I love the people I love, without reservation. I don't think there is a scale.



“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3792 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Crushed15Feb13
♂ Member
Member # 38846
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Lost faith in God through this so that has changed as well but may change again.,,

Sorry for the t/j but this is reassuring to hear. I thought maybe I was unusual in this way. I feel like I've lost the part of me that included things like faith and imagination. That is where one of the holes in me currently exists. I also recognize it mat change again.


Me: BH, 54
Her: WW, 54 4 yr LTA
Married 31 yrs, 2 college age boys
DDay #1: 15Feb13 - LTA 2008-2013
DDay #2: 27Jan14 - ONS, same AP 2007 - turns out it was a 5 yr LTA
Trying to understand

Posts: 205 | Registered: Mar 2013
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The relationship I have with myself is most important, I need to nurture and love myself before I can love anyone else.

I hold my marriage close, my children and extended family, friends.

I don't think I need a number, I love the people I love, without reservation. I don't think there is a scale.

I agree with the above. The relationship with myself is most important now followed by fWH and family. I used to put fWH and family first and after the A I will never come last again.

My relationship with friends has significantly improved since I started placing my needs first too!

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:06 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The relationship that I have with myself is the most important. That relationship is peak when my spirituality is first.

My faith in God has been strengthened in that I have survived this mess. I have my freedom, my dignity and my integrity.


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 407 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Self, kids, friends, W. In that order. For me a M is an agreement, not a relationship. My W is creeping back into 3rd place lately. Used to be self, W, kids friends. Casualty of war I suppose.

The most interesting change for me has been with my kids. It was very good before and I was and active parent, but it was with my W. Now I have build relationships with each of them, less as a parental unit and more as an individual. This may be due to them getting old and that being possible, but I wonder if it would have evolved differently.

I really do look at the M as mine now. I have mine, my W has hers. Occasionally, I ask how hers is going.

take care...



Posts: 1427 | Registered: Jan 2012
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Myself and my kids are tops now. Marriage with him is way down on my list. His list has restoring our M as the top priority. Yeah, I am not there and most times don't care about the"us" factor at all. It used to be a strong priority, though, before I knew.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
Filed, but may R after

Posts: 844 | Registered: Dec 2013
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm. Can't really assign a number to it but it's sure way lower than it was prior to his affairs.


Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1448 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 11

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