I'm so afraid of going to those old coping skills, it's giving me anxiety attacks and chest pain. I don't think I will, but I just don't feel like I can trust myself. I try to journal it, which has been infinitely helpful in the past, but even the thought of it makes my heart race and I break out in sweats. When I'm in my ic appointment, I feel like we work through this, but then, just 24 hrs later I'm back to the depression and panic attacks until the next week.
Antidepressants are out of the question, as they bring on hypomania, and I do have some ativan I can take when it gets really bad, but I'm uncomfortable taking it as frequently as the attacks come. I do take a mood stabelizer, and it has been increased a bit as the symptoms have started to progress, it's just not enough.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to work through this. I really can't live this way! It's wreaking hell on my mind and body. I'll be scheduling an appointment tomorrow with my med doc, and I have an IC coming up, I just don't know how to get through until then. It could be up to a week to see med doc, and then it takes some time to adjust to new meds/dosages. I'm just at a loss here.
Also, it's the idea that you will fall back into old habits and coping skills that gives you anxiety attacks?
Have you discussed the idea of you taking a small break with your IC?
[This message edited by cinnamongurl at 12:50 AM, May 13th (Tuesday)]
It is something that I have started and it is helping me with some of the things that cause me anxiety.
[This message edited by cinnamongurl at 1:06 AM, May 13th (Tuesday)]
Do you really think that you would go back to that person after all that you have learned?
Also, something my IC tells me a lot, try not to live in the future. Live in today. It lessens the anxiety.
Something my IC tells me a lot, try not to live in the future. Live in today. It lessens the anxiety
[This message edited by cinnamongurl at 1:26 AM, May 13th (Tuesday)]
I don't think you need to worry about going backwards. You have come to far to do that.
EMDR has really helped me, I hope you are able to find someone that can do it with you and that it helps.
I know how the terror of going back to past coping mechanisms and numbness. I often feel the same way (though not as much as I used to), but I trust my IC to track that and let me know if I am shutting down again. It is a common topic in our sessions, and she also says to focus on the present and not think about "what if's". You know you are committed to healing, and you can trust yourself.
For right now, do all the self care things you can, even if it feels like they won't work - rest, exercise, healthy eating, nature, music - whatever has worked for you in the past. Since writing has worked, you might want to try that again. What I have found most useful is writing out a dialog. It can be between parts of yourself - your discouraged part and the part that knows how far you have come, or your panicked part and the part that trusts your perseverance. You can also write out a dialog between you and your inner wisdom, core self, etc., or, if you have any religious or spiritual beliefs, with a Higher Power, God, Universe, Divine Source, etc. You are doing a good job. Be gentle with yourself and just keep moving forward on your path.
I can relate to the anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. One thing that has helped me A LOT has been mindfulness. Part of mindfulness is staying in the moment.
I'm going to PM you a couple of apps that help with mindfulness practice. They remind me on a schedule I set to do a quick mindfulness check (sort of a instant thought exercise). You will be surprised how much this can help.
We discussed EMDR and med changes, and in the end decided to take a different path. We've stepped back from recounting my traumas and into thing more immediate and present in my life. I expressed to her my concern about this becoming rugsweeping, but she assured me she would never guide me down that path of destruction! She said in due time we can always revisit the traumas, but at this point, I was so overwhelmed by it that it was becoming counterproductive to my healing. Makes perfect sense!
First off is self soothing and learning to work my way through the panic. Of course that begins with journaling and learning to express these feelings as they arise instead of trying to push them away pretending they don't exist, until my heart and head both feel like they will explode! She suggested fresh air, exercise, and a hobby. (I spent most of the winter, jan-may, in a surgical boot with a badly broken toe and this became my excuse for not exercising and feeling bad for myself, and allowing myself to slip on down the rabbit hole into the darkness) Now that I'm mostly healed and the weather is getting beautiful, I've started spending a lot of blissful afternoons out in my garden getting in my exercise, fresh air, AND my hobby.
We've decided to meet less often so I can practice what I learn from her. This idea scared the crap out of me, but the reason for that is what leads me into my next point... We've begun to delve into my codependency. Wow! I knew it was there, but... just wow! I don't even know where to start with that one, but it's #1 on our list when next we meet. (We cut back from every week to biweekly)
So there's my update. I'm back on the path to healing, and just learning along the way that bumps and setbacks are going to happen, and not to fret so much about the unknown, but to learn to take each bump as it comes, and look at it, work through it, learn from it and just keep plugging along.
Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.
The Ic can be so helpful, and yet I too think I am dependent on it. Its my release its my place to be free to say what needs and to explore without being judged.
I to am going through separation from my IC, she has not to call unless I need her cause she says I got it, now Ihave to live it. However I too have the anxiety , night sweats, heart palpitations etc. not as bad but still there. The difference today compared to before Dday, I know why! And each time you have walked away from Ic session you have gotten stronger. and yes toomuch of anything is never good. Moderation is the key word.
t/j mindfulness is something I have seeing more about , I would love to know more. Thanks
Keep going you are doing great, and too like you the idea of drugs, they do strange things to me and we have so much addictions in my family I am terrified to try.
Keep posting and doing what your doing. your doing great.