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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: "Sisterhood"
mozzchops
♂ Member
Member # 42896
Default  Posted: 3:31 AM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ww cheated with my friend and her friend's husband.

If your friend did this would your friendship suffer or continue?
I question what type of person would still want to be friends with someone who would have done this to them !

This is not the other BS, its other friends who know about it.

[This message edited by mozzchops at 3:35 AM, May 13th (Tuesday)]



The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2014
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 4:25 AM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If a friend of mine cheated with my WS behind my back, that friendship would be over. Plain and simple. And if my friend was married, I would make sure his/her spouse was informed as well. This would not be up for debate. This would not be considered "friendship".

Posts: 887 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
mozzchops
♂ Member
Member # 42896
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Not the BS or the OM, friends that know what happened.

If one of your friends cheated with one of your friends husband, would your friendship still be intact ?



The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2014
RockyMtn
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a friend who cheated on her H with someone the rest of us don't know. So long as she continues to take responsibility for her actions and seeks the intense therapy she is, I plan to remain friends.

If she had cheated with an H I knew? Nope. No friendship. I believe that cutting ties with offending parties is important and I would support my friend who was cheated on by keeping the cheating friend out of our circle.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah my friend was the ow.

That friendship died the day I found out. I have come a long way and found forgiveness. She remains lost and broken, I don't welcome those traits in my home anymore.

We will never be frIends again.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3763 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
mozzchops
♂ Member
Member # 42896
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she had cheated with an H I knew? Nope. No friendship. I believe that cutting ties with offending parties is important and I would support my friend who was cheated on by keeping the cheating friend out of our circle.

I wonder what type of woman still wants to be friends with her?

What does it say about the friends who still want to be friends?



The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2014
MissMovingOn
♀ Member
Member # 30720
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have struggled with this because one of WH's OWs was a (former, obviously) very good friend of mine. Both she and my WH are still "in the circle" (although she's in the circle from a distance as she and her BS moved far away) but don't have any contact with each other. Part of me wishes they would have cut her out but at the same I wouldn't wish that for my WH.

What really chaps my ass in that situation is that somehow *I*, as one of the BSs, ended up losing those friends because of it. I just keep reminding myself that anyone that would choose her over me isn't someone I want to be friends with. And I've asked WH to distance himself as well because I no longer consider those people friends of the marriage.


Me: BS, 34
Him: (SA/NPD)WH, 31
Multiple ddays since 2010 (Latest January 15th 2013) - not counting anymore!

Posts: 367 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: West Coast Canada
Allornothing
♀ Member
Member # 42354
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, but HELL NO!

If one of my GF's destroyed another GF's safety, security and sanity by being a selfish, broken, homewrecking troll, then It would no longer be any friend of mine.


Me- BS 42
Him- FWH 42
Married 19 years, Together 25
Kids- 23,21,15,14
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant

Posts: 158 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
Gman1
♂ Member
Member # 40879
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWW confided in one of her girlfriends about her feelings during the EA and told her that they were going to meet on a weekend. It was a long distance EA that turned into a weekend PA. After D-day, I found texts between my WW and her girlfriend that made me realize that her friend had knowledge of the relationship and actually seemed like she was her cheering squad on the sideline. This could not stand with me. I confronted her friend through an email and asked her why she didn't tell me about the EA. This girlfriend was the only person in the world who could have talked some since into my wife and talked her out of proceeding to allow the OM's advances. But she did nothing and that was wrong. In her texts, she told my WW that she wanted to have an A also. To me, the friend was morally bankrupt and I let her know exactly what I thought. She did not appreciate me accusing her of anything and my FWW and her do not speak any longer.

I think you are either a friend of the marriage or not. And if you are not a friend of the marriage then there is no room in my life for these type people. Some choices are not easy in life but they are the right choices. I was very happy that my WW realized that her friend was poison and does not have anything to do with her any longer.


Posts: 161 | Registered: Oct 2013
Secrets Kept
♀ Member
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I second "allornothing". Word for word!!!


Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
2 sons together-28 & 23
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
WW with H#2 =BH-44
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 198 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
PollyA
♀ Member
Member # 40567
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"What does it say about a person who still wants to remain friends?"

I'm not sure in that sentence who cheated, and who is cheated on...but...

Someone who says infidelity is OK, by doing it, or by knowing it is happening, but not speaking out, I have no time for them.

If you don't want to tell the betrayed, then let the betrayer know that you will tell the betrayed unless the betrayer takes care of it in the next (whatever) time frame.

I have always felt this way, even when my very best friend cheated on her husband in a ONS. Her husband was a jerk, even so, he deserves her to consider his health and her commitment. Get a divorce if it's so bad.

I felt this way LONG before I was cheated ON!


BW - 2 x's ( once before married, got therapy, thought we'd both moved forward)
WH - SA? Probably not. Just a Selfish ASS
DD1 - 4/2001 - 1 OW, left, returned, therapy, thought he'd "gotten it". I was wrong.
DD2 - 8/2013 -

Posts: 105 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: PollyA
mozzchops
♂ Member
Member # 42896
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"What does it say about a person who still wants to remain friends?"
I'm not sure in that sentence who cheated, and who is cheated on...but...

If one of your friends cheated with the spouse of another friend (within the same friend group) would you remain friends with that friend?

And if so what does it say about you?



The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2014
hopefullromantic
♀ Member
Member # 16652
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Out with the friend. No vows there.


It's not really a fairy tale 'till the witch is deposed and a few dragons are slain

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Oct 2007
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A friend of mine was sleeping with a married man. Her best friend's H. No, she's not my friend, anymore. I didn't know that friend or her H... But she LOVED that friend... How can I even consider trusting her?

We had a friend, and through that friend, we developed a whole new circle of friends. He had an A with one of the new friends' wife. And tried his hardest to break them up. He's no longer in the circle...


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2212 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dumped my best friend from childhood who was also one of my bridesmaids, after she told me she was trying very hard to seduce a married man with two kids. She had been trying for YEARS, and she confessed that he had finally kissed her. She was unashamed, and wanted my sympathy because his wife wasn't good enough for him and he was with her for the kids and blah blahbbity blah. I gave her crap, and that was it. Not a friend I want in my life. I was in my early 20s at the time. It makes me feel proud of my young self.

I guarantee you, I know for a fact that if I ever cheated on my WH, my friends would give me crap and probably give me 24 hours to inform him. That is why they are my friends.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2013
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The AP in our situation was a friend. Of two mutual friends I have told, one is still friends with her. (The other one would like to rip out her hair and slash her tires.)

The AP doesn't know that the still-friend person knows, so she is not a close friend of hers. This friend is a very libertarian, live and let live kind of person. So, while it hurts sometimes, I didn't really expect anything different from her. She claims to understand the type of person AP is, and keeps her at arm's length. There are kids involved, etc. So, I don't think it is that easy.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1738 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 16

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