I think you are right and your IC is wrong in her opinion about you giving OW too much headspace. Like any of us choose that. When a WH is basically saying you might as well watch out for more contact or at the very least, attention paid to OW in the form of "looking her up", obviously you are going to be vigilant about OW. Just what is your IC recommendation for skipping along in your day with no thought of OW in a situation like this?
Is he in recovery? What active steps is he taking to keep himself accountable?
I have asked him to go see an IC for himself, again, to figure out why he is telling me this crap. He said yes. So that is a good thing in itself.
"...but, uh, if you make this too difficult or leave me, then I'll go back to the OW who helped me stab you in the heart and blow up your world. Just sayin."
[This message edited by AmberDust at 10:24 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]
When my WH was deep in the fog I can't tell you how many times he told me that he had strong feelings for OW, strong feelings that wouldn't go away ( his words were NEVER) .. it hurt like hell to hear that.. especially when he did break NC ( once) & went to meet her , the pull was just that strong..
BUT once he came out of the fog & committed to the M he had many chances to break NC (co workers trying to get him to talk to OW, OW fishing etc) he NEVER broke NC & made sure I was aware of all of these fishing attempts..