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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Eye Contact
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Try looking at the left eye at first, if you're struggling. In most cases, it's the non-confrontational one.
Weird you say that. I noticed I already look into the left eye when I do make contact. Strong/dominate/aggressive types, shoot no. No eye contact. I look at ears or noses.

The whole NLP thing triggered the crap out of me for a whole 'nother reason. Have no interest in learning. Nor the manipulation game.

Thanks for your input. And JJ-ness.

Glad it's working for you Jovie. Maybe one day I'll get there.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6291 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was something I never considered pre DDay. Post DDay it is something I want very badly with my husband. More intimacy in the bedroom. But he is the one who does not seem to.

I am a peeker. brief looks here and there in the eye. hoping it will become more tolerable to him .


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1992 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made her open her eyes while we were having sex about a month ago(we on the monthly plan). She always keeps them closed the entire time.


ETA=damn jj that brew looks tasty!!

[This message edited by 64fleet at 2:14 PM, May 16th (Friday)]


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5397 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
mindbody
♀ Member
Member # 27941
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really like the eye contact, makes me feel more like we are making love rather than just having sex. The eyes are able to express so much feeling and making love seems like the perfect opportunity.

Years ago, when we started to have sex, he did not make eye contact, although he was the one with a lot more sexual experience. I mentioned that I would like for him to look at me...it really was a new experience for him and he really liked it. I am being honest when I say it would have bothered me and even hurt if he would not have reciprocated.

I just assumed that because he had "been around" surely, intimacy with eye contact would be something he had done. That turned out to be something pretty deep for him then.

This was something I never considered pre DDay. Post DDay it is something I want very badly with my husband.

I can understand that MrsP.

It's obviously not for everyone, but it makes me wonder what the fear is about or what is holding you(anyone) back? As a B, I can understand the safety and trust issues after betrayal inhibiting or restraining eye contact. It seems as though there are a number of Ws here who are not familiar or accustomed to eye contact, just like WSO wasn't in the beginning of our relationship.

I can't imagine having sex with someone I don't feel that I love. That's scary to me. He had sex with many women, just for fun. For us, the eye contact is a choice to be very intimate and close.

Like so many things on a personal level in your M/Relationhip, you don't know until you try it. And what's wrong with gently initiating this with touch, sans words during lovemaking? A gentle touch of your S/SO eyes could open up more intimacy.


Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2010
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems as though there are a number of Ws here who are not familiar or accustomed to eye contact, just like WSO wasn't in the beginning of our relationship.
I dont think its a coincidence. Look at all the flawed/damaged thinking in our forum. There are abuse/dysfunction stories in spades. What about those with distorted/repressed views of intimacy. Maybe a person is taught that intimacy is shameful, their bodies are shamed, and all men are pigs. Add in betraying your BS and the shame/guilt from it. Knowing just how damaged and broken you are and how monumentally you screwed up. Yeah. Eye contact will be tough stuff.

I think for many, the fear is multi-faceted. It is for me anyway. Not going into it here cause I'll be a puddle in the floor and I still have dinner to make. There are some things I just didn't connect the dots to till well, now.

And what's wrong with gently initiating this with touch, sans words during lovemaking?
Cant speak for everyone else, but I honestly never thought about it till this week when I was sitting on a girlfriend's couch and we were chit chatting about random stuff and another equally random thought (eye contact) flew into my mind. Gentle initiation in progress. Its a time thing. Unfortunately.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6291 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
mindbody
♀ Member
Member # 27941
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aubrie,

I came upon this quote that I wanted to share. It's a Buddhist quote from Pema Chodron:

"The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionatley at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes.

Granted, our S/SO are much more than "other people".


Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2010
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for that mindbody. Appreciate it.

Mini update since the thread was bumped. Been making some progress. Its....weird. But an ok weird. It's slightly enjoyable? It's soothing. It's vulnerable.

Fear and self-consciousness are still present but not quite as suffocating. *shrug* But hey, a little progress is better than none eh?


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6291 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
mindbody
♀ Member
Member # 27941
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very understandable progress update Aubrie - even a little progress is making progress.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2010
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