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knockeddown (original poster member #43090) posted at 10:10 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
This is what she wrote:
"I just wanted to say that (babysitter) told me that you got a dog. You don't need to consult me on your decisions but it would have been nice to have heard it from you especially since DD does go over to your house and that a dog is a big deal and adjustment. When changes happen that will be impacting DD it would be nice to be told from you instead of hearing from others."
My reply options:
A) "You are such a hypocrite talking about decisions that impact DD's life and adjustment"
B) "I can bring the dog over tonight so DD can meet her before DD comes to visit tomorrow."
C) Crickets
D) "Your control over me ended when you began talking to another man confidentially and had sex with him."
So....whaddaya think?
Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 10:14 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
I vote for C. If you think about it, what bugs her the most is that you didn't even consider her opinion when you got a dog. Nor should you have. So bug her even more by not even considering responding to her email. It will be far more effective than any of the other options.
Allornothing ( member #42354) posted at 10:17 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
Definitely C. Don't allow yourself to be dragged into what would essentially be a pointless argument.
I'm pretty sure that DD will be happy to have a new best friend!
Me- BS 44
Him- FWH 44
Married 20 years, Together 27
Kids- 24,23,16,15
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 10:18 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
E. Hey dumb ass, your decision to have an affair certainly impacted DD's life. I don't recall you consulting me before you became his cumdumpster.
Too harsh?
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 10:18 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
yearsofpain25 ( member #42012) posted at 10:19 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
Let her have it with crickets. That will have more of an impact on her
"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll
craig2001 ( member #55) posted at 10:20 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
I would have to get my digs in I think. But I dont know your situation. If it were me, I might have to get a dig in like, well a dog is so trustworthy and faithful.
gutfeeling ( member #41652) posted at 10:20 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
I'd exercise caution since (from my brief review of your profile) she has a history of trying to set you up.
I'd respond something like this:
"I took DD into consideration, as I always do. The dog is very sweet and child friendly. I will handle DD's introduction and don't anticipate an issue. If there is need for input, I will ask for it. At this point, your decision to have an affair means that you no longer control the details of my life. I have always been and will continue to be a loving and responsible parent."
Then probably crickets to anything she spews back with
plainpain ( member #40139) posted at 10:24 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
Crickets. A dog is not an "adjustment" that has anything to do with your child's life with WW, any more than if you buy your child a new bed or take them to the circus. No need to inform her, no need to explain, justify or give account.
I would be SOOOO tempted to say something like, "Your judgement on what sort of actions will impact our child is impaired." But best to go with crickets. Agreed, that will probably bug her more anyway.
Me: Believer, 40s
Him: Liar, 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R. It only hurts now when it rains.
bluewater ( member #9297) posted at 10:25 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
Either this:
"I just wanted to say that no one told me that you got an OM. You didn't need to consult me on your decisions but it would have been nice to have heard it from you especially since DD does go over to your house and that a OM is a big deal and adjustment. When changes happen that will be impacting DD it would be nice to be told from you instead of hearing from others."
Or:
C) Crickets.
Though to be honest crickets is probably the way to go.
knockeddown (original poster member #43090) posted at 10:29 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
Thank you all for your feedback. I really, really like this response:
"I took DD into consideration, as I always do. The dog is very sweet and child friendly. I will handle DD's introduction and don't anticipate an issue. If there is need for input, I will ask for it. At this point, your decision to have an affair means that you no longer control the details of my life. I have always been and will continue to be a loving and responsible parent."
Thanks, gutfeeling!
What do other people think about me texting back this statement then going crickets to anything she responds?
Crickets kind of puts on the whole, "I don't give a f*ck" kind of attitude. I kinda like the idea. 
LivingLearning ( member #42637) posted at 10:31 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
I really Gutfeeling's response:
"I took DD into consideration, as I always do. The dog is very sweet and child friendly. I will handle DD's introduction and don't anticipate an issue. If there is need for input, I will ask for it. At this point, your decision to have an affair means that you no longer control the details of my life. I have always been and will continue to be a loving and responsible parent."
And crickets after she says stupid stuff back.
Living and learning how to move forward
Me: BGf
Him: WBf
Dday: 02/2013
MediumRare ( member #35128) posted at 10:32 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
Crickets.
And if she persists, I might drop a random text about how you can at least get a dog fixed so it wont go fuck the neighbor.
BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 10:34 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
"I took DD into consideration, as I always do. The dog is very sweet and child friendly. I will handle DD's introduction and don't anticipate an issue. If there is need for input, I will ask for it. At this point, your decision to have an affair means that you no longer control the details of my life. I have always been and will continue to be a loving and responsible parent."
I love this response for the most part.
Instead of saying:
to have an affair means that you no longer control the details of my life
I would instead say:
to have an affair means that you are no have any rights to the details of my life
Then go "crickets" on her arse.
She does not, nor will she ever again have any "control" in your life.
[This message edited by GabyBaby at 4:36 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)]
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 10:37 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
The way I see it .... She's looking for a reaction from you. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of taking the bait.
She didn't ask a question. No answer needed.
On to more important stuff. What kind of dog? Pics?
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
twitching ( member #42399) posted at 10:37 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
Quit agonizing over it and pick a choice. Then go walk your dog.
"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont
knockeddown (original poster member #43090) posted at 10:46 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
I responded with
""I took DD into consideration, as I always do. The dog is very sweet and child friendly. I will handle DD's introduction and don't anticipate an issue. If there is need for input, I will ask for it. At this point, your decision to have an affair means that you no longer have any rights to the details of my life. I have always been and will continue to be a loving and responsible parent."
She responded (please read my profile to get the full effect of this comment):
"I am not saying that. I am saying that I should hear these things from you instead of a third party. Your decision to be involved with school more than your family means I don't need your input either however as DD's parents I believe that there are things we should be on the same page about. I thought we agreed on that. As DD's father I consider your input with everything impacting DD. Such as discussing zoo and theme park passes with you which you made a decision on your own about."
[This message edited by knockeddown at 4:49 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)]
veronique12 ( member #42185) posted at 10:52 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
Don't respond now. There's no way out of this one. She's looking for a fight and looking to be right. Don't give her the satisfaction.
BW, D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for 20 years
2 beautiful young kids
Uhtred ( member #40392) posted at 10:53 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
Crickets would be the best bet in my opinion. I wouldn't even respond to it.
Me: BH 38years old DDay 4-29-13Her: FWW 39
gutfeeling ( member #41652) posted at 10:55 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
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