My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
I ask the same question every time I trigger or every time a random thought pops into my head or a really weird dream occurs.
My IC said "You can control what you want to think about, but you can't control what you think about. You can't control HOW your mind processes information".
I believe in this wholeheartedly - and consider this: This world, especially in this day and age, is HARD-WIRED for everything sex. I didn't read whether his infidelity was E or P, but either way, imagine all the cues that occur in daily life that "remind" you of sex.
Even if you don't think of it, your subconscious has a way of connecting things - even if you don't like it.
A sight, a smell, a sound, anything can trigger memories, and as much as we would like, there is no way to remove certain memories and leave others. The memory of infidelity will ALWAYS be there.
IMO, triggering, although painful, can be beneficial. Even though it kills me to recall what I did, it also helps keep me in check. Lots of people say "I know I'll never cheat again" but they do. I say it, because no matter how hard I try, I will NEVER get the sight, sound, and feel of my wife crying over this out of my head. I will NEVER be able to look at a woman again without thinking of my wife - and, again, IMO, that's a good thing.
I know it's tough - and it's tough for your H too, but if you made it this far - you can make it through the triggers.
Sending you strength!!
DDay1: 7+ years ago
DDay2: 1.5 years ago
"The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable."
Has the affair been dealt with head-on, or did the two of you move past it quickly and sweep it under the rug? Also, have you gone to marriage counseling (MC) and has he had any individual counseling (IC)?
[This message edited by Sal1995 at 7:32 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)]
I can't tell you why - I think because when we reconciled I never dealt with my feelings of betrayal and abandonment. I am now in a calmer place than I have been in a while, and I think because of that I am having to face what happened.
I wish you luck - I am going through the same thing.