Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: utterlydone (44718)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: adultery around the world...consequences
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with financial punishment, like a restitution though. If you cheat half of your money is garnished and given to the BS. That way if you do truly want to R the money is staying in the household, and if you want to D you don't feel as trapped by financial reasons.

IMO there are a lot of BSs that try to reconcile just because they have been SAHMs and don't really have any other choice.

In my case I worked when I had too, nights and weekends and then stayed home to help run my WHs business and take care of everything household related. Can I D him? Of course I can, would I lose everything waiting for the settlement that could take months or years? Yes.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got the perfect punishment. They should bring back the ability to sue the AP for interfering in the marriage in every state.
And they should have a section in the news paper called, cheaters and have their pictures posted like dead beat father pictures and this should be charged as a felony.

Anyone agree?


I agree 100%!


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am all for public shaming of unremorseful APs, & also agree that there should be fines for unremorseful AP & WS, as well as a change in the laws to make things easier for the BS to leave the marriage quickly & not have financial hardship after D. That would help discourage cheaters from making that choice so easily.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1355 | Registered: Dec 2012
GotMyLifeBck2013
♂ Member
Member # 40531
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry i didnt finish that post...point is the betrayed continues to eat sh*t sandwiches no matter if you reconcile or divorce, so in my mind the betrayed spouse should get every advantage or consideration when it comes to their life moving forward....exigent circumstances considered of course (drug use, history of physical abuse, proven child abuse, etc)


I define me! I don't just survive, I thrive!!

Me: fBH 46
Her: exWW 42
DDay: Nov 1, 2012
Divorced: September 17, 2013


Posts: 289 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ohio
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GotMyLifeBck2013...


point is the betrayed continues to eat sh*t sandwiches no matter if you reconcile or divorce,

How so? Is my husband eating a shit sandwich because he chose to stay with me? Because he loves me?

I guess I don't understand your comment


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197328 | Registered: May 2002
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't get behind any of these ideas. I think public humilation is nuts. I mean, if you want to out your cheater, by all means, I'm all for it. But as any kind of system of justice, no way. Same goes for fiscal.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only one who suffers with the consequences really is the BS.

The BS gets so called "Reasons" why the affair happens.

The BS is then lead to find out who "OP is". This is very hurtful to the BS, because they could possibly be somehow connected to the BS.

If the WS decides to leave, here is the real kicker. Now the BS is left to defend for them self. Then they have to deal with children if they are involved, and it doesn't matter if they are grown-up or not.

If the WS decides to end the affair and go back to their spouse, in most cases it seems like they think things can go back and be normal. Basically the WS get's walked all over either way.

The consequences that are for WS is nothing compared to BS consequences.

There needs to be some type of consequence for them so they know how real the evil they have committed has destroyed families, friendships and damaged companies even.

NOTE: This reflects un-remorseful WS.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 10:47 AM, May 14th (Wednesday)]


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
GotMyLifeBck2013
♂ Member
Member # 40531
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deeply....

If you stay and reconcile you live and have to accept the knowledge that your trust and love was broken for an affair and the person you are choosing committed this betrayal. Its almost mind numbing that level of generosity when emotionally you are horribly devastated. It takes years to learn to live with it. And thats where people really want to rebuild and have hope of trust again. Ask your husband if hed like a good marriage without the infidelity. And i hope it is a good marriage. But there is almost no way you can understand the emotional shock and severity of betrayal at that scale, even if he loves you and stays, its eating a shit sandwich. On the other hand divorce is just as big a shit burger. Emotional devastation to me is worse than being single or staying married. It changed me permanently...


I define me! I don't just survive, I thrive!!

Me: fBH 46
Her: exWW 42
DDay: Nov 1, 2012
Divorced: September 17, 2013


Posts: 289 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ohio
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gotmylifeback,
I will freely admit to being, not just a madhatter, but a MadHatTrick. (I just made that up) I came to SI as a BW. During the course of my self-work, reading here and doing intensive IC and MC, I recognized that I have also been a WW and an OW.

My pain as a BS was horrible. Devastating.

However, seeing my H go through the work of owning and fixing his crap, recognizing the pain he caused to me and our boys, facing family, friends, church members who all knew exactly what he had done... man, that's pain on a level that I don't ever want to know. I still see it,almost 2 years past our final dday. The other day, we were riding together, and we passed a flea market that JM used to go to frequently when we were S. I found out at some point that the flea market was the high point of his "dates" with OW during our S. He had taken ds there during one of his weekend visitations. DS started talking about going to the flea market and getting some video rocker chairs. He had no idea what the conversation triggered, but I saw it on JM's face.

There's nothing I can do at those times to make it better for him. I rubbed his hand and arm, smiled to let him know I understood and that I love him.

I know as a BS it can be really, really hard to see our WS's pain and empathize. But with a remorseful WS, it is surely there. And nothing I ever want to experience.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2709 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you stay and reconcile you live and have to accept the knowledge that your trust and love was broken for an affair and the person you are choosing committed this betrayal.

Some people 10+ years out know that, and heal from it. Shoot, they even create Infidelity Support websites. *cough* SI *cough*

By your logic, the A defines a person indefinately. How unfortunate. People change. Hurts heal. And relationships rebuild.

You're only 2 years out. Maybe 10 years from now you'll feel differently.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6165 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But there is almost no way you can understand the emotional shock and severity of betrayal at that scale, even if he loves you and stays, its eating a shit sandwich

I wouldn't claim to know what it feels like, but please don't claim to know that my husband is eating a shit sandwich every day because he stayed with me.

I know one thing for sure...he's way strong enough and confident enough to open up the front door and walk out if he felt he was sacrificing or living a shitty life with me.

Our marriage will always have a deep scar from me cheating, but that one chapter does not encompass our entire 20 years together.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197328 | Registered: May 2002
lostinthesouth
♀ Member
Member # 41377
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

no into violence-but after all this A crap-on a bad day I might change my mind I am all for the big ol fat scarlet letter!!! If I knew it wouldn't impact me or the other BS negatively--I would have told every person I ever met and then some.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Nov 2013
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gotmylifeback, I mean this in all sincerity, but how can you know what BS's go through to reconcile if you divorced? I'm 7 years out, and my life and marriage look nothing like thy did 2 years out.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm all for bringing *fault* back into D. I have issues with having to *prove* it though. Sometimes the WS or abusive spouse is too damn good at covering their tracks though so.....I guess status quo.

Yes, I did go through a very contentious D(all the way to the State Supreme court) in a *no fault* state. Her A, in and of itself, had no effect on the custody. The fact that she was willing to drop the kids off at her parents to spend time with OM, did.

Yes, I also was able to prove her infidelity. I don't want to force those without evidence to have to stay in an abusive relationship until they can though.

For those feeling they will be forced to eat the sandwich for the rest of their lives, I'm sorry for you. Yes, I'm only 2 years out(2nd M) and still choking down the vestiges of that sandwich. But, I wouldn't be in R if I wasn't occasionally tasting the champagne and caviar that is to come.

I've been the D route. It gets better. I'm trying the R route this time. Tell you what, with a truly remorseful spouse, I'm looking forward to even better yet!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2725 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TheBestMe, you are so lucky. That should be the case always! WS' do not give their families one thought when they go outside the marriage. Why do they get to take half of everything from the person they destroyed?? I'm stuck staying for as long as I can, because if I D I lose my daughter 50% of the time.

I saw someone post about jail time, and at first I thought that was a little harsh, but then I thought of this:

If we were to assault someone, they could press charges on us and we could wind up doing jail time. Isn't destroying someone to their very core through infidelity essentially assault? Why shouldn't we be automatically compensated?

Not that I want jail time for people...just financial compensation from the WS and AP to the BS.

(That was about $0.10 worth...sorry).


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
GotMyLifeBck2013
♂ Member
Member # 40531
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time to change the site name:

Attackthebetrayedspouse.com

Nice that some people change, and glad some people get to roll right over the guy dealing with a massive gut punch, but all that said, i thought the general forum was not for waywards to come attack betrayed spouses? Right? If you reconciled cool. If your life is grand a decade out, cool. Im not 10 years out and frankly i dont feel like being scolded by waywards about what i should and shouldnt think when im just anpart of a general conversation. I mean wow. Insaid its a shit sandwich people. Some people take years and years to work theough it. If it were easy why would we need a site? And for that i get flamed. Go to the wayward forum if you dont like hearing my perspective. Sheesh. I thought this was safe.


I define me! I don't just survive, I thrive!!

Me: fBH 46
Her: exWW 42
DDay: Nov 1, 2012
Divorced: September 17, 2013


Posts: 289 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ohio
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who attacked you?


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197328 | Registered: May 2002
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i dont feel like being scolded by waywards about what i should and shouldnt think when im just anpart of a general conversation
An opinion from a wayward in a general conversation that doesn't line up with your opinions means they're "scolding"?

You don't know me or my "gut punched" husband. Don't assume all relationships fit in your mold. How is that scolding, attacking, or flaming?

Go to the wayward forum if you dont like hearing my perspective. Sheesh
Skim over my response and ignore if you don't like my perspective. It's really that simple.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6165 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GotMyLifeBck2013, you did get on DS case telling her to ask her H how he felt after you told her what he is going through.

The point is that they started this site - DS and MH - so I'm pretty sure that even though he only appears under circumstances similar to summoning minor deities and greater demons to lay down the ban hammer, they've discussed this and the man knows his mind and shared it with his wife.

You're right, it's a shit sandwich but it doesn't have to last forever.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7431 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a feeling this topic was going to stir up emotions. I know im not a mod but I'd just like to speak for the waywards who posted here. None were rude or even trying to be rude. We know the rules of general very well and will not attack a BS, this is your safe place. However if we have an opinion and it is not a venting thread we will on occasion offer our opinions as respectfully as possible. I've become quite blunt in th past couple of years and this may account for what some see as a harsh tone at times but I am being honest when I state my opinions as are all waywards posting here.

I do however do not think someone's opinion should not be stated because they are differing and a wayward. It was never anyones intention to hurt feelings or scold.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2701 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 58
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.