I notice you don't mention kids? Personally I think if you don't have kids don't even bother.

I don't swallow the whole SA thing. I can't help but notice this one glaring fact. Why so many male SA's MARRIED??? Why not just be single? Bang a different woman every night? No need to play hide and seek, set up rendevous? Have all the sex you want!
And not just married but to a woman who reflects on them in a nice respectable way. It's almost like... they're actually just narcissists who think it's ok to use women.

As painful as it is to be used for sex I cannot imagine how painful it is to be used as a mommy-wife when you thought you had signed on for a soulmate.

Best wishes, take care of yourself

The realization that ultimately they made a self serving decision so risky that was so far out there is too much to accept. I get the whole addiction thing and FOO but I agree having the thoughts is one thing but acting them out is a choice. I had moments of sympathy. But honestly, the lying never stops.

Absolut, your are right. Why bring decent women into the picture when all they want are whores. They still need us to help raise their kids (as in my case) keep a nice home and give the perception of having of normal life. After all, it's all about them so they can pursue their deviant lifestyle. My boyfriend's last text to me yesterday was He was broken hearted that he caused so much damage to our family and our lives together. He said he was getting help and should have a long time ago but he was selfish. I think it's more about being selfish than addiction at times. He said those same words the first time he was busted. So sad that we try to have so much hope and love for them when they show so very little for us.

I like your attitude. I often say that he may have an addiction. Doesn't mean he wasn't also an asshole.

Please do post your story in ICR. We all vent there frequently.

Just being able to talk here has helped so much. At the end of the day I am a writer, not a verbaliser, so this is therapy as well. I know you are all real people with good minds, experience to share, wise counsel and hearts that genuinely care. I have also, after many years of being quiet about my feelings and having difficulty discussing difficult emotional things, or saying anything that would "rock the boat" found my voice. And thus my user name, QuietNoMore This new dimension of me, my verbal voice, needed to be found, and she has been: her unveiling is, at the very least, one positive thing I have received from this. No more will I keep silent, regardless of outcome. I will strive to be kind and gentle and diplomatic with him. But I won't mince the truth. The squelching is finished.

I do love him. At least I love the man that I thought I married. That is a man who meets me at the airport with flowers, booked a surprise trip to Greece for my birthday last year. A man who sends me love notes and beautiful cards with loving words for non occasions. A man who has never raised his voice at me, never sworn at me and is patient with MY shortcomings. That is a man who is a tender considerate lover. That is a man who has jewellery made at a specialist jeweller each year for our anniversary. A man who tells me he loves me every day and that I am the most beautiful person he has ever known. A man who doesn't question my purchases. A man who trusts me and isn't insanely jealous like my ex. A man who apart from this mess, treats me like gold. If THAT man is real, and I believe he is, then he is in there with the monster that is addicted to porn, hired whores, cheated on me with them, broke our marriage vows and destroyed something so beautiful for his own selfish needs. If all of the above is true, then he is also a selfish man and obviously has some serious psychological.

I am going to give him the opportunity to turn this around. I left my country, my friends and family and a job I loved (how rare is that!) to move back to his country with him. I went for broke and put all my eggs in his basket. I love my new country and I love the man who brought me here. If he is genuinely in there, living parallel alongside the selfish "gravy-sucking pig" (as NeverAgain2013 put it so aptly thank-you for that one Never LOL ) then there is hope. So far he is doing everything right and he seems determined to face and beat this monster. Time will tell, and my gut will know if the changes and progress are real, and I will have a fork in the road in my future. I am doing all I can to ensure I am prepared and strong for either direction.

Okay, off to post in ICR. Thank-you all for the care you have shown in writing. You don't know what strength I have drawn from this, but you feel like the group of girlfriends that I lack over here in my new country.

Of course I love him or none of this would matter. Truth is, for all the kindnesses he did for me and there were many, He did the unthinkable again. It's not the first time, or second time....I told him the last time I would help him if he felt it were a problem he couldn't handle. I would be there for him. I'm just not sure how much as women and partners, we are supposed to endure, and for what? A lifetime of looking over our shoulders. I admire everyone here putting it all on the line and being strong for the person they love. I just hope they get what they deserve from all this hard work and therapy. Who knows, I may change my mind but right now I'm happy being separated from him. Sad and lost as I may be right now, something tells me I just dodged a bullet

Quiet, very well written post. Your humour in there gave me a little chuckle as well, gravy-sucking pig. Too funny. Thank God for this site is all I can say :-)