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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: interesting saying I heard
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I heard this yesterday and have heard it before, but it is sticking with me now:

If it hurts too much to stay, then you need to go
.

I see the point of it, but also see the other side that if you persevere it can be good again. Side note: we are in the same home still, but I chickened out of meeting my attorney to start D yesterday. I think I need to file and maybe see how it goes. I don't like limbo (no one does) and feel I need to do something! Any thoughts on the hurting too much saying? I am on the fence on that one.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 900 | Registered: Dec 2013
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it hurts a lot whatever fork in the road you choose, at least for a while.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4777 | Registered: Dec 2010
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it depends. Why are you in limbo? Is it because he refuses to step up and do what is necessary?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4759 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tired girl, he does try hard, but I really just think it was a deal breaker. It doesn't matter how hard he tries to me; he can't take it back. I am in limbo mainly because of financial reasons. I can't afford to leave and we just bought our house last year, before I knew! We only rented before that. I could have left easier then. Also our kids have blended and became a family. This is my other reason. Basically, we live together, he tries, I don't care, and I spend my time working towards becoming able to support my kids and myself. A small part of me wants R, but I don't know if it's want or being afraid of all the D process. We are also expecting in early Dec. so trying to navigate this before divorce becomes harder.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 900 | Registered: Dec 2013
PollyA
♀ Member
Member # 40567
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

deena, what it's the" pro" of divorcing various the baby is born?

imo, you sound ambivalent about a decision. why not decide not to decide?

For me it's been empowering. I offer to do nothing, but will listen if he wants to offer something. I promise him nothing.

it's been pretty good so far.


BW - 2 x's ( once before married, got therapy, thought we'd both moved forward)
WH - SA? Probably not. Just a Selfish ASS
DD1 - 4/2001 - 1 OW, left, returned, therapy, thought he'd "gotten it". I was wrong.
DD2 - 8/2013 -

Posts: 105 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: PollyA
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are also expecting in early Dec. so trying to navigate this before divorce becomes harder.


wow, just wow. I'm so sorry. Are you in IC? They would help manage this?


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4777 | Registered: Dec 2010
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all! For me, limbo feels worse than just making a leap one way or the other. I want to feel whole again; not in pieces. I was to file yesterday, but didn't. I moved my appt basically because I chickened out. I want to file to start because I think limbo is not for me. He doesn't want me to and continues to quietly try so hard, but I want out before baby mainly because we have a blended family and this would be our first together. Therefore, right now it's 90 days to final with no kids of marriage. With kids, more complicated!


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 900 | Registered: Dec 2013
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get limbo, I do.

IMO if you wanted to D you would have gone to the attorney appointment.

You didn't, I think that's telling.

We all want the answer, now. But sometimes the right answer takes time. Do you want to hurry a divorce before baby just so it's easier?

Is that a good enough reason to put the nail in the coffin?

Jump when you are sure you are ready. Heal yourself and take care of you. When you are really
clear and not indecisive then the direction to jump and in what direction,is clear.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 6:07 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 8

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