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User Topic: Paying the price as a b.s. - further down the road
♂ Member
Member # 28618
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

-I just don't give a crap about anything, in general.
-I don't trust women with my feelings.
-I become angered more quickly.
-I feel emasculated.

Posts: 357 | Registered: May 2010
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ten years out - D - and my life is pretty darned good! I went through all the phases of grief (some more than once), but I was determined not to get stuck there.

I am happy. I still take ADs - probably will for life, but that was something that was diagnosed long before the A. I have found out who I am after compromising for 26 years with XWH. I like myself.

I never liked big crowds, and I don't feel guilty about it. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing.

You don't have to let this be a permanent scar. You can work through it with the help of a good IC, and any other (healthy) thing that you can find to give you relief. Proper diet, exercise, and sleep all come to mind. Try new things - you may be surprised by finding new hobbies to enjoy.

Sending strength and peace.


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7786 | Registered: Aug 2005
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reading this thread makes me realize how very healed I am. Very little of this bothers me any more. And I used to feel like I was walking around with no skin on my body, leaving bloody footprints everywhere I went. No longer.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6643 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like Acer0112, I am pretty new to this, but I have found that I also:

1.) Can't watch movies about infidelity
2.) Can only read books about healing from infidelity (and I, too, was an avid reader)
3.) Can't find joy when I am out with my friends - feel like I am always ready to cry just under the surface
4.) Can't look my H in the eye without thinking about what he did
5.) Am drinking every day - just a glass or 2 of wine, but still...
6.) Spend a lot of time alone - by choice (and I was a social animal!)
7.) I avoid phone calls

I am so sad to see that so many of you out there still feel these types of things after years have gone by. I guess betrayal by the one you love the most is really about as crappy as it gets. I mean, I get it. I have had cancer twice and finding out about his AP was worse than either of those 2 experiences. I got over the cancer and made very positive changes to my life - eating better and exercising every day that have helped me to feel and look better than ever. But there seems to be no remedy for a broken heart.

Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 445 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I was reading this thread I thought to myself, "Wow I never had that reaction" and the I remembered that I did. I did have problems reading, I did become agoraphobic and PTSD for awhile. I did stop interacting with my friends, family and with life. Now I am coming up on 3 years after D and I FORGOT THAT PART OF MY PAST. How kinda awesome is that?

Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1800 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm about 7 years out... I'm pretty much just rolling along and living life... I've always been optimistic and always will be...

I don't read books often anymore but if I find something I'm really interested in I'll read it...

I don't play my musical instruments as much but that's like riding a bike... 3-5 minutes and I'm back playing like was before the slowdown...

I roll with different friends more now and I now have two places I split my time between... I travel pretty much the same amount just not with the ex...

Over all... I'm pretty damn pleased how my life has progressed...

Don't let yesterday be today and tomorrow's prison...


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor

Posts: 5997 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am almost 3 years out.

I have completely lost the ability to generally assume the best about people who I don't know. At best, I see a stranger and feel complete indifference. At worst, I see a stranger as a selfish asshole who is out to get me. It sucks. I miss loving mankind.

Loss of faith. I used to go to church. Between the infidelity and my son's death- yeah, God can kiss my ass at this point. Not only did I lose faith in God, but also in mankind as a whole. I'm learning how to have faith in myself again.

Patience. I have zero. Ever. I am an impatient asshole.

People zap the energy out of me. I can go to a big party or social gathering and be fine around tons of people. But I'm EXHAUSTED afterwards.

Still with the depression. Every single time I try and go without my antidepressants, I make it for about a year and hit a wall and bad shit starts happening. It's been 5 years, I found a great med and dose that works for me, but I miss being a person who didn't need to take medication everyday.

I think I am asexual. I am not attracted sexually to men, or to women. I am not attracted to my husband in a sexual way. I used to recognize "hot" people, but I don't anymore. I have been unable to orgasm, and while I remain married and get frustrated at a lack of sex between me and my husband, it is frustration about not connecting on an emotional level and not feeling wanted in that way by him. Physically, nothing really happens for me anymore.

I'm sure there are more.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things are pretty good for me two years out BUT I still can't look at our old family photos (from the affair period), I have anxiety about our future and whether I want to quit work early to retire with him b/c I don't want to be dependent on him. I still don't entirely trust him. One day our housekeeper came on a different date and I came home to work early to see her car (she was driving a new car unbeknownst to me) in our driveway and I had that panicky feeling that he was cheating again. It was just her alone at the house but still, I'll always be a little suspicious of him.

Posts: 643 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 28
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