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User Topic: allowing myself to be hurt
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I am an idiot.

I had surgery yesterday, personal and not something I wanted to discuss with some people.

I told my mother and mil beforehand and let them know I was not discussing it with others.

Well we all know what happens next. MIL tells husband's side of the family and my mom tells my brother.

I do not have a personal relationship with my brother and I have told my mother that information about my life is not to be shared with him. He is mean and I don't need his toxic "love". I have done a great job setting boundaries with him and SIL.

My MIL can't keep her mouth shut abd thinks it's her business to spread family news.

So my husband was the one to find out from others that word spread. His initial reaction was that family loves me and it's ok they know.

I explained there are people that support me in our family and others that don't. It was my choice wrt who to tell and MIL and my mom broke my trust.

I go back and forth being pissed at myself for trusting them when my gut said not to and at them for being such assholes.

I know the answer is to keep the information to myself next time but every once in a while it would be nice to be able to trust your own mother.

Ugh....my own damn fault.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 7:07 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((karma)))) I'm so sorry they both let you down, honey.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25773 | Registered: Aug 2011
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Respect. That what it boils down to. Lesson learned. So sorry they didn't respect you.

Wishes for a speedy & complete recovery.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6568 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Karma)))))

My H's family is a bunch of blabbermouths. I love them but I cannot believe the personal shit that is shared sometimes, even when asked not to.

I'm sorry that your families didn't respect your boundaries, and I hope that whatever it is isn't too serious and that you heal quickly.

Hugs, my friend.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38079 | Registered: Sep 2007
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys.

I see the lack of respect, and like you AN the in laws like to talk about everyone's business.

I know this and every once in a while I trust again only to be hurt. So I need to go back to knowing the truth of who they are and to not expect someone different.

I have explained my pov to them, but their needs and wants outweigh mine.

I strive to be a better parent. It's all I can do.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand. My MIL turns family members' medical issues into her own personal dramas, and it's really frustrating. It's so disrespectful. I'm sorry they let you down and I hope you're feeling ok today.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some people are so weird about medical stuff too, it is like they think just because it's a medical issue the whole damn family wants to know and needs to know about it.

Sorry they broke your trust. Just wondering did you specifically say please just keep this to yourself? If so then I would be freaking furious, and I would give them a large piece of my mind when I had recovered.

(((and strength and quick healing)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8718 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did ask them not to tell others. Not because I Don't want anyone to know but because I wanted to choose who to discuss it with. Everyone will end up knowing but I have select people I want to discuss it with. .. the others, like my brother, who are not supportive, will not be included in my discussion.

I was angry for a minute. I know they can't keep their mouths shut and want to be the one to talk about their "concern for me" with everyone so I should have known better.

My husband and I have decided, going forward,we will not discuss personal issues with them the future.

There is no need to confront them. .. i have before, They know my feelings. ....They don't get it and I cannot bang my head against the wall with them.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 8

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