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Newest Member: sassylee (45766)

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User Topic: Update Rommates vent
really trying
♀ Member
Member # 5311
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not roommate material, I get it and am okay with it.

To recap, my brother and SIL moved in with me, in our mom's house in January.

No rules or boundaries talked about before hand. and it's been uncomfortable at best since.

They have pretty much taken over the house, I feel pretty lucky to having them let us (my son and I) live here.

My SIL is an alcoholic. This is very trying because she hides her booze and then every once in awhile, I never know when, she beats up on my brother. Then comes the next day and all is good between them. It's just something they do, it's their life, they accept it, it's been going on for years and I don't see any change in the future.

My nephew moved in with us a few weeks ago. I was literally told 2 hours before they brought him here. He's a sweet kid, 23, but doesn't work, tests positive for drugs and got kicked out of the house he was renting a room from. Who does that?

After the last episode of my SIL beating on my brother, I have called our realtor to come tell us what we need to do to the house to put it on the market.

I feel like I'm stuck and need this house in ready to sell condition. I'm done.

We've been going back and forth rather passive aggressively about the windows being left open at night. They leave them open when they go to bed, I close them when I go to bed. Tonight they're like "the windows need to stay open."

I'm not okay with that. Our neighborhood is "safe" but it only takes one person looking for an opportunity and I don't want to be that opportunity. I went with the majority and now the windows will be left open at night to cool the house and closed during the day to keep the house cool and not run the air.

I voted to run the air at night but...

I've asked them to turn off the lights they leave on ALL THE TIME, they called me Dad and continue to leave them on.

They have their stuff all over the kitchen countertops. Mail, cans to recycle. I keep my mail in my room, it's my personal mail, doesn't belong in the common area.

My brother has the sprinklers going on about everyday that I can tell. Different times of course. I mentioned to him that CA is in a drought, (he knew) but our yard looks pretty darn good.

I know nobody can fix this but I don't know how either. I'm miserable.

[This message edited by really trying at 2:09 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]


Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness


Posts: 10397 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: California
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you are in this situation.

I would make a list of what needs to be done to the house to get it ready to sell. Then take this list and organise to meet your brother for a coffee somewhere without the other influences and explain this isn't working. This needs to be done so we can both make a clean break.

Is there any chance your brother & sil can buy your half of the property from you to set you free. Can you move out ? I would be very concerned with my son living in this situation.

Best of luck.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1382 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who owns this house? Who pays the mortgage?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13882 | Registered: Jul 2011
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Next time they get in an altercation call 911. You have a son to watch out for. That kind of behavior is unacceptable. You were there before they moved in, you may have more legal rights than you thought until the house sells, you may want to look into that.

Keep a lock on your bedroom door and ALL valuables in there. With an addict in the house you never know. That includes your phone, laptop/computer, etc. Anything that might store passwords - make sure it's password protected and the passwords are removed. The last thing you will need is identity theft or something.

Get the house on the market ASAP, force their hand legally if you have to.

Why should you feel lucky that they are letting you live there? It sounds like the house should be divided between the two of you, no?


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
really trying
♀ Member
Member # 5311
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, the house is half/half. My son is 28 and has his own stress with looking for fulltime employment in his field, etc. He lived here with my elderly parents while attending college then my dad passed within the year and he was here for our mom for 6 years. Yes, it took him a while to get through college, my mom was hoping he'd finish before his social security kicked in.


I was sarcastic about the being lucky comment, sorry if it wasn't clear.

This is not worth it.

I really wanted my brother to live here, he wants to save money and I've lived here rent free for 18 months but to live under the same roof doesn't seem possible. And of course I can't move out and I don't think I should have to.

Thanks for letting me write it out. I talk about this every day at work, it's consuming me

I feel like this is a power struggle, he's marking his territory with the stuff he's doing.

I'll stop complaining, I do need to do something.


Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness


Posts: 10397 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: California
Topic Posts: 5

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