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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I need help
CantSeeInTheDark
♀ Member
Member # 43231
Exclaimation  Posted: 1:34 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I've just found sex photos from today on his laptop of OW. They made me physically sick. He was supposed to be looking after our DS.

I'm freaking out and I need to calm down before he gets home.

Help.


Me 35y
Him 48y
1 Awesome son 3y

DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014

Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little


Posts: 110 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Gloucestershire
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Cantsee))))

Stop. Take a deep breath. Are they new? Or from prior to Dday? If they are new I would encourage you to have a hefty bag of his necessities on the front stoop, and tell him he needs to find someplace else to spend the night.

Hang in there. You will get through this.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8789 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Mercilesslynuked
♂ Member
Member # 42997
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for your pain, I don't have any great advice but I am sure those much wiser than I will be along shortly to give support. I just wanted you to know you've been heard and are in our thoughts and prayers.


Never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them.

D-day 1/6/2014-1/23/2014


Posts: 174 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Colorado
CantSeeInTheDark
♀ Member
Member # 43231
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They are from today when he was looking after DS. Google hangouts; so it was real time.


Me 35y
Him 48y
1 Awesome son 3y

DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014

Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little


Posts: 110 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Gloucestershire
Junebug0525
♀ Member
Member # 29142
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long do you have til he's home? Do you want him out of the house? Can you call someone to come over? Just take some deep breaths.

Personally, I'd follow tush's advice and tell him to sleep elsewhere tonight. At least give yourself the night to collect yourself. Or, if you really want to, call him and tell him to just keep driving to a hotel, not to bother coming home. You need the space.


Me: BS
Him: WXH DDay-11/22/2009~ D~ 10/25/10
OWhore: Co-worker (7 years younger)
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." AND THEY DID!!!

Posts: 1141 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Maryland
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey there CantSeeInTheDark. It's almost 9 over there. What's going on? Can you get him out of the house? Or do you have a place to go with your DS?


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2351 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you had to see that. YUCK!!!
Now I would definitely send him packing. Tonight for sure, forever, eh maybe.

How horribly disrespectful.

....And the Father of the year award goes to....
NOT. Get angry, it will give you strength.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8789 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
hurting mom
♀ Member
Member # 12869
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take the hard drive or laptop and store it somewhere safe ( friend's house). You may need the evidence in a custody fight. He was having sex while looking after your kid? Neglect.

Posts: 51 | Registered: Dec 2006
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gross as they are, they are LEVERAGE - and huge leverage at that!!

Get copies of ALL the pictures - including the time stamps on them. The day may very well come when you're going to need a little cooperation from her and there's NOTHING like having the upper hand with pictures she'd rather DIE than have her family and friends see.

Seriously - swallow the tears for 5 minutes and get copies NOW!!!


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
meplusfour
♀ Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((CSITD))

I second NeverAgain's advice~preserve the evidence, namely the photos with the time records. You are likely to need this in the future, either as a bargaining chip against your WH and OW. It can be argued that a father who would engage in live sexting whilst caring for his son, is exhibiting poor judgment that should be taken into consideration in any custody or access dispute.

I know it hurts, but set aside your pain for a few minutes so that you can protect yourself and your son.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 392 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((CantSee))))

In my opinion, you should kick him out/lock him out and see a lawyer to file tomorrow if you can. You deserve sooooo much better than this shitty treatment! I'm sorry


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm worried that CantSeeInTheDark, has gone dark. Something's not right here.

Check in when you can CSITD.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2351 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure the shit is hitting the fan.
Please check in when you can. My heart breaks for you & I'd like to hear back that your are ok.
Huge hugs headed your way.


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry CantSeeInTheDark!!! I can't imagine how hard that would be to see that. What an idiot he is to do that!!! Keep the evidence but kick him out for a night or two so you can get yourself together and plan how you want to move forward. Keep posting and let us know how things are going!!


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
CantSeeInTheDark
♀ Member
Member # 43231
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone.
He came home just after I posted.


Me 35y
Him 48y
1 Awesome son 3y

DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014

Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little


Posts: 110 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Gloucestershire
gutfeeling
♀ Member
Member # 41652
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What happened?

Posts: 155 | Registered: Dec 2013
betrayedpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i'm so sorry... it's hard to stay calm i know when you want to explode

Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CantSee - please check in. I'm sending good thoughts to you and tons of strength!!


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
ambush
♂ New Member
Member # 43387
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. I know exactly what you are going through. Like previous posters have said, back up the photos before he destroys it. I know they are disgusting, but you may need them for evidence.

Stay cool and focus on yourself and your child. Keep checking in and posting.


Posts: 26 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Texas
saveus
♂ Member
Member # 43251
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't add much but I am very, very sorry... Thinking of you too.


Me: BS/39
Her: WS/37
Together: 15 years
Married: 7 years
1 amazing little boy, 5, the love of our lives
D-Day 1: 14/4/2014 (EA/one night PA)
D-Day 2: 30/4/2014 (sexting/PA longer & ongoing)
D-Day 3: 4/5/2014 (earlier PA, another OM)

Posts: 260 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 36
Pages: 1 · 2

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