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Newest Member: Puddleoftears (44334)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Feeling Free
DepressedDaddy
♂ Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just have to say that even though I am so far away from wanting to get back in the dating world, it is nice to feel free in some ways. In the last couple weeks I have found that there have been women that have flirted with me and I didn't feel guilty flirting back. I am not flirting because I am interested in pursuing relationships with these people, it just feels good to have someone that shows interest in me. I was in my relationship with my STBXWW for 16 years, so it has been a long time since I have been in this situation.

It makes me feel like there is hope down the line that being back on the market will give me a different feeling of loss and heartache.


Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so. ― Noam Chomsky

Posts: 660 | Registered: Dec 2013
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HA! Yes, no doubt that being back on the market brings different "feelings". I remember thinking that once I was "ready", it would be easy. Two years dating now, and easy hasn't happened for me.

That, in itself, is another form of loss. When you think dating and a new relationship will be easy since it was so easy the "first time". I expected it to be just as easy the "second time" and it was a shock when that was not the case.

BUT, my quality of dating has become better. I am more relaxed and the quality of men I am meeting are great. I just haven't met someone that clicks along in everything. I am still hopeful, though.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4055 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
Smashedat58
♀ Member
Member # 41705
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had one date since I started my separation, 4 1/2 months ago, I have another coming up this weekend. In my limited experience, I go through this emotional bounce of elation, then worry, and feelings of possible rejection. Maybe, I felt those as a younger person, but I can't remember back that far. I also, still go from calm to mad as hell when in mediation with STBXH. I just hope that I get to a stage where I can handle my overwhelming emotion, and not feel like a teenager, again. If I got some flirts from the opposite sex, I don't think I would necessarily feel this need to put myself out there for dating. I just need some reassurance that I am still desirable.
Be glad for the attention, I say, but be prepared for the emotional bounce.

Posts: 162 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Upstate New York
Topic Posts: 3

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