DDAY 4/17/2013 my father's anniversary death date.
2013 to present: TT big time
9 more women PAs all of our 17 years of marriage. Never had a clue until TT in the last year. Showe
And please see a lawyer ASAP. You need to protect yourself fiancially.
This. Get the help you need, there's no shame in it. Hopefully once you get that help you can see that this is no way to live. For your own sanity you need to find a way to leave.
[This message edited by needadvise at 1:22 PM, May 16th (Friday)]
Hugs to you (((needadvise))).
He betrayed you, broke you, and is now calling you names and destroying your property? Oh, honey, it is way PAST "that point."
You do not deserve to be treated like this.
Please make an appt with an attorney asap. Even though you are not in a position to leave right now, find out what your rights are.
Your WH should be taking care of you, and he's truly being abusive.
You WILL find the strength somehow, allow your body heal and your mind will follow.
Do you have any family/friends who are nearby to support you or stay with until you are back on your feet? He's losing control, I'm concerned he will eventually get physical with you.
He's losing control, I'm concerned he will eventually get physical with you.
That is the exact same concern that I have.
My WH does at times has trouble controlling his anger, he has never layed a hand on me ever.
Gently, that does not mean it cannot happen. There are things he is doing that he has not done before - name calling, tearing up your stuff...and doing this knowing you are in a vulnerable position, emotionally and physically. That's sick and twisted.
Please at least put a call into a shelter and let them know what is going on. They can help you with resources to get him out of the house if it comes to that being necessary. You will be armed with information before you have to do it because it is an emergency.
How DARE he shift his horrid actions onto you!
If the ADs don't work, ask your doctor about something for anxiety. I think anxiety is a big contributor to your symptoms as well, JMHO. You must feel like you're walking on eggshells, and you feel helpless due to your physical state.
Hugs...please keep posting - we are here for you and we want to know you're safe.
[This message edited by Lalagirl at 2:32 PM, May 16th (Friday)]
Unless he can look himself in the mirror and understand the monstrous acts he has perpetuated on himself, you, and your family, he will never, ever change.
I agree with lalagirl, just because he has not gotten physical in the past doesn't mean he won't in the future. Make that phone call and talk with someone who is experienced in DV.
[This message edited by needadvise at 4:47 PM, May 16th (Friday)]
Antidepressants were a very good thing for me. I hope they are for you, too. I was also mentally where you were, with everything grey, no hope. They helped immensely with that.
I too was very tired when I first started them - a combo I think of all the sleep I lost while depressed and the drugs. I remember my body weighing 1000 tons of tiredness. I talked to my doc and we got things worked out. It got much, much better.
That I'm told by C that I am very toxic due to my pain
I'm sorry that your IC said this. I feel a little angry reading that, like excuse me for going through the deepest hell I knew possible. Do you like your C otherwise?
We're all listening and worried for you. Keep posting.
Now How Come YOU can't do more, and why are you so weak? Because years and years of mental abuse does the same thing as years of physical abuse, it beats you down, takes away your fight, leaves you with no mental strength or energy to fight, and walk away.
Do I think you can R based on what you have shared? NO, Not a chance. He wants to sweep all this neatly under the rug, while keeping his fingers crossed that you don't trip over it later. He is unwilling to own what he did, and he certainly is not doing the work to heal your M. He is still in blame you mode.
Really why would you want to stay, I'm as pro R as they come, but lets look at this for what it is.
He is Mentally abusive.
He is not trustworthy, and in his current frame of thinking never will be.
He has screwed around for most likely your entire relationship. As Dr Phil says the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.
Don't you think you deserve more? You are miserable. You are broken, both mentally and physically right now. You know what though you can heal. You need to heal yourself without his help. You need to understand you can have happy without him. You need to learn that you are pretty awesome, and he is not. He was damn lucky to have you as long as he did, but now it's your turn.
Make you a priority now.
Read up on the 180 with the whole purpose of healing you, not getting him back.
Go ahead and see that lawyer, and start the paperwork to file.
Stop listening to the words coming out of his mouth, and pay attention to his actions. ACTIONS show you what he is willing to do to heal himself, and your M. Which right now is minimizing and blaming.
Take your AD's.
Take time for you.
Do one thing nice for yourself every single day.
Reach out to friends and family, allow them to support you and give you strength.
Show your children that you will no longer be a doormat.
Life is short, very short. You deserve to be happy, but only you can be the one to make you happy.
I still go through the cycles of emotions constantly. Anger hate sadness crying depression. ..etc. ..
Do I wish I was alot stronger? Absolutely.
I also know when it comes to the end, he will be the 1 leaving, not me. He chose to break or family and marriage apart. This is my home with my kids. I'm not leaving.
His willingness to answer questions does NOT mean he is remorseful. His anger, and frustration means he is just sorry he got caught. NOTHING more. For a BS who hasn't seen true remorse it's a hard concept to understand. It looks like trying, but it's more like, "Let me put the minimal effort in, and maybe she will shut the hell up, so I can resume my life the way I wanted."
Keep getting your ducks in a row.
Continue to heal, emotionally and physically (painful injury for sure)
Make sure you are taking time for you.
Don't worry about the future of him seeing you with another, honestly those sound like vengeful thoughts, what you should do is to learn to be happy being you. Then you will never ever tolerate less than you deserve again. Fear of being alone is an oppressive thing until you do it. Then you realize this is actually pretty nice, and I am happy.
Oh and as far as physical healing, make sure you are taking Calcium supplements with Vitamin D, large daily doses will promote that pelvis healing just a titch more quickly.