Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: feelostandlonely (45327)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Cheated on me for 10 years..
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mandolin, thank you. I miss him, but I go down to see him once a day, he's a cutie.

He gave us both crumbs essentially. But his fairytale ending will happen (if she even takes him back), and I guess i'll just have to find my own. :(


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
mandolin555
♀ Member
Member # 42476
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. Remember that's the version your hurt ego is painting. He was with you WAY too long to not be hurting over you right now. That's how it works. Once he's with her..you'll be on his mind. Who cares though. This would/should be a deal breaker. No take backs.

Oh...and tell your sister in law she's a trifling bitch if she speaks to you again.


Posts: 102 | Registered: Feb 2014
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

haha! that she is. She clearly likes the OW, so now they can go be BFF's.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
mandolin555
♀ Member
Member # 42476
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a new poster on here that is in a similar situation. Her dickhead left her 4 days post partum. Real time. WTF do these men hatch from? Spider eggs?!

Posts: 102 | Registered: Feb 2014
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HAHAHAHAH!!! Spider eggs... more like shit--they hatch from actual live shit.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


April, you're going to be fine.
You're going to take whatever time you need to fully heal & be away from this sociopathic feces-child...
Your new life will be great when it's unburdened by deceit and lies, you will see - you will be so happy!

Another thing to learn is 'reframing' - you'll get good at that too, & I think you'll be funny and epic with it.

e.g.:
Do you know what being "2nd best" to a sociopath is called?
.
.
.
.
Dodging a bullet.

Take care dear April, you're funny and bright.
It shines through!


Posts: 6644 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
JT4588
♀ Member
Member # 42971
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been following your story. I am just so sad for you but I want to say you are in the right place to get all the help you need to make it through this. You have everything to live for and your new life will be free from lies, deceit,and betrayal. You didn't deserve this and karma is a bitch. It will bite him eventually. Stay strong and tell you SIL to kiss your butt!!! What a bitch!

Posts: 71 | Registered: Apr 2014
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you both!! And I am laughing at the feces child. Lol. Humor is the only thing I have at this point. I feel like I should be on Jerry Springer...OW is 14 weeks pregnant with H's kid. Fuck facebook and me and my fucking stalking ways. At least she left that part out of her letter. He liked the status and commented "love you and my soon to be baby" guess she took him back. This hurt doesn't stop, does it.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It does stop dear April, it does.
Turn away from all that toxic *outside* stuff.
Turn *inside* to you.
You are the true thing here.
You are the prize.
There's your value.
*Inside*

Posts: 6644 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
JT4588
♀ Member
Member # 42971
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

April,

Send her a "Thank You" card for saving you from this asshole. Seriously, I just read on here somewhere that someone did that. I think you should! Thank God she saved you from further lies and deception from this scum of the earth asshole!!


Posts: 71 | Registered: Apr 2014
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No April, send her nothing. I know that you may have so much you would like to say to her and to him, but don't. Shut them out of your life now. They are toxic people. Your baby son is forever. He will love you forever. Be strong for him and gain your strength from him.

I really do know what it is like to have your life turned upside down. My husband cheated on me for over half of our 25 year marriage. I found out 2 1/2 years ago. I was 53. We are trying to reconcile and I think we will get there, but our relationship will never be what it could have been without the betrayal. There will always be that black cloud over us. The pain is not as intense now, but it will always be there.

If I had found out when I was in my 30's, I would have left him and begun a new and authentic life. I would have had a second chance to find happiness. And now, so do you.

I know that trying to understand how someone we love can lead a double life and hurt us so deeply can take up a lot of space in our heads. Don't even try. There is no understanding it.

Yes it hurts, but it will get better. It will take awhile, but it really will. And one day, you will be able to feel happiness again.

You have a chance for a new beginning with your baby. Seize it. One day you will see that even though this is a terribly painful experience, it is like a rebirth.

Leave those poisonous people far behind you. You can be free of them.

As Truly said:

"You have had a lucky escape. Congratulations. Wipe the shite off your dress and dance into your future. Kiss your beautiful baby, you really are going to be fine. There is a man out there that epitomises those values and he will love you and your child with his whole heart."

She is so right!


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 783 | Registered: Feb 2012
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She did save me from a complete monster, but it's just so hard to accept that she is now having a baby with him. A baby that he isn't "forcing" her to keep, and a baby that is going to have a father present. My son will have a half sibling (which is perfectly fine as I adore my half sister), but it's just all too much, too soon. Today is one week, and I dont consider myself any better-- in fact, i believe i am getting worse.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Fighting back said..I am nearing 60, (38 year marriage) and my timeline is similar to hers with regards to my most recent (2nd) D day..

Talk about turning a person's life upside down, lol..

No possibility of R here...Instead, I get to split a portion of my retirement with WH and un retire so that I can survive on my own after D...

One can understand why I am taking my sweet time before I file..

Maybe my WH will drop dead first (JK)

It will take time, but you will do fine in getting out of your situation...

Please, please, PLEASE, when you remarry or enter another long term relationship someday, make sure that you are fully protected financially, no joint finances or accounts with new partner...Any joint venture must have you fully protected legally and in writing..You must BE ABLE to walk away immediately if you need to...This is how I am gonna plan my new life when I get out of my situation..

No more having our livelihoods turned upside down along with our emotions when/if a relationship or marriage partner becomes our worst enemy..

A decent partner will understand that this need to protect ourselves is the baggage that we will carry lifelong as a scar of infidelity

[This message edited by doggiediva at 10:35 AM, May 23rd (Friday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1246 | Registered: Nov 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh sweetheart,
I read this post and my heart actually aches for you! Nothing I say will make the pain go away, only time will (I hate that).
Please know you were not a mistake or second EVER! He is! If you were given the information 10 years ago, you would not have dated, married or had a son with this assclown.
He is such a fucking low life PRICK!

How someone can do this to another human being is insane and that is what he is. He is a monster. He may be with her but she will get to see the real him soon enough.

You hold your beautiful head high and KNOW that you are better inside and out and it is his loss.

I am so so so sorry... No one should have to deal with this shit!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2780 | Registered: Aug 2011
lovedmesomehim
♀ Member
Member # 25743
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi April!

You are not second best and I do want you to know that. Believe it. Know it to be the absolute truth.

Earlier, you said that your WH cannot be alone.

That's just it in a nutshell. This man will always manage to be in a warm, drama-filled bed. Of course he had to go back to the OW. What else could he do? I mean, SOMEBODY has to take him, right?

Love your new, baby boy. Don't concern yourself with the SIL, OW, or anyone else who is not in your support framework. Your baby is your paramount concern and you need all of your energy for him.

As I live and breathe, I really do believe you will be just fine.

Lovedmesomehim



Posts: 466 | Registered: Oct 2009
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you don't feel strong, but honey you are. I have so much respect for the way you're handling this. ((HUGS))


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6808 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd kinda like to strangle all involved---but he's not worth jail time.

Okay, this is totally petty to say, but I hope they have an ugly kid. O


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lol, their kiddo will need all of the help her or she can get to get our of their ugly influence..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1246 | Registered: Nov 2011
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a little over a week out, and I just feel like giving up. I've cried all weekend while with my family. I still can't laugh or smile. The sights of happy couples bring me to my knees. Last year we were bbq hopping and having a blast. Now he's doing all of that with her.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
angerisme
♀ Member
Member # 37672
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She sent these things to you because the relationship with him is breaking down. She is in panic mode. If you have noticed no change in the way he is acting then this is 100% her on manic grab to get "her man" back.

Rule #1 DO NOT RESPOND TO HER AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!

She has one goal...destroy your family.
You need a therapist TODAY.
Can you get a friend to come stay with you for a few days?
Make sure you are sleeping and eating
Focus on that sweet baby because in truth nothing else matters!!!

You WILL survive this and SI can offer big support for you.


Posts: 174 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 249
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.