It's obviouse to me that you're a very strong woman. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I see a woman who is doing the best she can during a very dark time in her life. You are grieving the end of your marriage. And as if that weren't enough you're dealing with postpartum. None of these things you asked for. You WILL make it through this. When you're ready then you can begin to bond with your baby. Just keep seeing your IC and continue going through the motions. You really will be ok. You're going to come out of this dark time a better friend, companion and mom.
I am only thankful for her in that she told me, because he was NEVER going to. Fucker
No R. D FILED.
You are going to be an amazing mother, you are going to be happy. Your son is going to be happy and love you so much.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
I agree-- it was actually a co-worker. She was like omg you have a new baby, you can't get divorced
You know reading your post it is obvious the OW is damaged. The rape, the bad M, the two abortions, the need to send you all that info so he would leave and fulfill his promises. She may be beautiful on the outside, but she is very insecure. He sounds like a KISA and is truly a coward. He could have faced you and acted like a man and told you he needed a divorce for whatever reasons. But no, I think he like having your both.
Find your new normal, you will recover and be a stronger person. It will take time, it always does, but it will happen for you. You must believe us. Recovery may be slow but it happens, almost without you realizing it at times.
Don't be envious of them. Look what she had to do to you to get her supposed "happiness". Also the pregnancy is a means to try and hold them together. As you know from experience, having a baby for him is meaningless. He is simply a sperm donor. I don't foresee happy ever after for them. The fantasy of being together full time is just that a fantasy. Reality will be their downfall. Happily when that happens you will be on the mend, moving on to bright days with a beautiful son. (And when you look at your son, see the parts of YOU in him, don't dwell on the poor father he has).
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl
He knew this girl was damaged, and he took advantage of that and came to her "rescue", and now she is clearly damaged again. It's just a very sad situation for all involved.
Honey, make your own life now. As you say, people do NOT know your situation and certainly have no business making crass comments. Things are so very raw for you at the moment and you will be hurt by the things people say. And remarks that are not intended to cause you pain will do. Try to keep to family and those you trust to look after you and your son. You will survive this. Take each day at a time. As the legal wheels begin to turn, you will find a way to emotionally divorce your WH too. And one day, they won’t matter anymore.
I am praying for the day he doesn't occupy my every thought from morning until night because right now, it's sheer torture.
So terribly sorry to hear what that piece of moving sh-t has done to you and your dear baby. I cannot express how furious reading your thread me and how I can feel hate towards him.
I completely agree that divorcing such a sociopath is by far the best thing you can do for yourself and for your son! Honestly, that way you're giving yourself and your son the best odds to truly be happy again soon.
And while the betrayal I suffered was in different circumstances, in my experience it gets better. I thought I would never come close to being happy again, I was a zombie, I started drinking, I often broke down on crowded streets to cry, could barely function at work etc. But with time, it got better, I started to enjoy life again, I even fell in love again (she didn't reciprocate, but it felt great to be in love with someone new, someone much more normal than my ex:)), I worked on my childhood issues and all in all I grew a lot.
I don't know you, but from what you've written here, you seem very smart, tough (to be functioning and writing here and still fighting for yourself and your boy), very funny (I laughed at what you've written in some posts),..., and I'm very optimistic that in due time, you will be much happier than you ever were before, enjoying life with your son, family and friends. And in due time, you will be ready to cautiously open your heart to someone new. And considering your good qualities that are immediately visible from your posts here to all of us, a lot of normal/good guys will be happy for a chance of dating you. But whether you'll meet someone new or not, you will be much much much happier in life than you've ever been without that anchor made out of feces hung around your neck.
He's a monster. Hopefully, he will soon be preoccupied with his new victims and he will leave you and your son alone, so he will pay the CS, but leave you alone. And you will learn how to protect yourself from ever being hurt by him, and you will never ever have to directly exchange another word with him (maybe have your sister act as the middle person for any messages from and to him).
I can only imagine how hard it is for you. But right now you've been metaphorically punched and are struggling to get off the ground. But you are fighting, you are getting back on your feet. And we're all so proud of you for doing so great!
And don't feel bad about not spending a lot of time with your boy now - as long as your family can help you with him, take this time to get back on your feet, and then you will do a great job of being with him more often. And even now, all that you're doing now, is helping your son! You are taking care of yourself, you're coping with trauma in a healthy manner, and that's the best thing you can do for your son at this moment.
Hope to hear lots more from you! Best wishes
Not sure you feel it yet but I can tell you're starting to get past your soon to be exWH. Keep writing and dealing with your pain. The sooner you get past this drama the sooner you'll get to live life you were meant to live. If you need to FB stalk then stalk. I did the same thing trying to see exactly what my WW saw in the OM. The only thing I saw was the huge nose on the end of his bitter beer face lol! But I found that after awhile I got tired of the negative feelings and depression. It's almost as if you're desensitizing yourself of the trauma.
I encourage you to keep posting and getting the anger out and in the open. Keep seeing your IC. One day you're going to wake up and realize this is all behind you and you'll realize you can be happy again.
They're engaged already? And twins?? Yeah, that will most likely throw their little fantasyland relationship right into the real world. Nothing like 2 screaming babies all night to shake up their "perfect" world. Sit back and grab the popcorn.
Your baby is going to grow up feeling so much love. Your family has been helping you take care of your little one and no doubt they will continue to be a big part of your child's life.
Maybe it's a good thing that he wants to get this over as quickly as possible. It seems like he won't fight you over stuff so use it to your advantage and try to get as much out of the divorce as possible.
You are a beautiful, smart, and strong woman. You will come out of this and things will be better. It will take time, yes, but you have so much going for you. I imagine a great future for you and your baby.
I'm pretty sure most of us do the FB stalking thing, especially in the beginning. If that's what you need right now than do it.
D-Day #1 March 2002- 4 month EA and PA with co -worker
D-Day #2 March 2012 - inappropriate relationship with co-worker
I am so sorry.
You are in shock.
Can you call a counselor for someone to talk to. Or a pastor or someone who can offer objective advice.
Also, please see an attorney pronto. You need to lock down your bank accounts.
Theroadahead; Yup! I guess his SIL was right when she told me they were going to get engaged. I have a giant tub-sized cosco popcorn and I can sit back and watch, but something tells me they are going to be happy. I was never meant to be with him, he always wanted her… I hate social media! BUT without it I wouldn’t have been able to receive such evidence against my H. Oh well. He will fight me over his pension, and frankly, he can have it. I don’t need anything from him but CS. I don’t even want this stupid house.
Seethelight: Hi, yes I am in IC and the divorce has already been filed. We are now in the “waiting period” ONLY 10 MORE WEEKS TO GO. Ugh.
I know it's always easier to be the one to hand our the advice. Just keep moving forward. Keep posting here on SI. Adventually you'll get to a place where you'll be sick and tired of letting WH have any more control over your life. That day is coming soon I promise you. Are you still seeing IC?