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User Topic: Cheated on me for 10 years..
undertherug
♀ Member
Member # 41580
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

April -- I have been following your thread and hope you are still in the anger phase. Remember if anything were to happen to you, your precious baby boy would probably be raised by those idiots. Stay strong.

Posts: 66 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all-
I had a good weekend. I was pretty occupied. Dinner with my sister on Friday, and the Belmont Stakes on Saturday (too bad it wasn't a triple crown). I was great all weekend, but as soon as Monday comes, I just fall back into my sadness. It takes a lot for my anger to kick back in. Why are the mornings the worst? That's what keeps me hanging on, my son needs me...at this point I dont know if i would still be here if it wasn't for me. He is my angel.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me the mornings were, and still can be, the worst because waking up and realizing this wasn't a nightmare and really did happen to me was a very hard pill to swallow. Hugs and strength. It WILL get better.


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's exactly what it is-- you forget it for a moment, and then BOOM it all hits you!


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That moment in the morning when you remember this is your new reality and it is another day you have to get through.

But you are sounding better, April. Your DS will be showing a little of his personality now. Little bits of a genuine smile and starting to close his fingers round things. Facially responding to your voice and face. Little noises in response to talking to him. A focus for you. Therapy. Healing.

Little by little, day by day, week by week. It will get better. There will be the first really good day. and then you will know you are truly on the road to recovery.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 57 y/o Him, WS, 58 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 19 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3470 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why can't this roller coaster just keep me in the anger? This is so unfair. I want a first good day, because so far they have all been awful. Im just so sad


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
lovedmesomehim
♀ Member
Member # 25743
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi April!

I just wanted to tell you that you will not be sad like this forever. You won't.

Yes, this infidelity ride is scary, rocky and creaky but it does eventually come to a halt. Before you know it, you will be on solid ground again.

It does get better. Just continue to get up, love your new baby and concentrate on your life.

I know this sounds hollow to you right now, but it's the truth. You have a tremendous advantage that many don't, because you are able to financially support yourself and your child.

That is HUGE.

Keep moving and continue to move forward. You can do this, honestly you can.

(((April)))


Lovedmesomehim


Posts: 469 | Registered: Oct 2009
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((APRIL))

It'll get better. I'm almost a year out. I still have some hard days but I mostly have good ones.


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I pray daily for it to get better. I really am truly thankful that I can support myself and the baby. I never knew what a blessing that would turn out to be.
I am going to be going back to work a lot sooner than anticipated because I need to keep my mind busy. I have no downtime at my job, and need that right now. We are allowed to space out our maternity leave, so I will take 2 months later this year when I am in a better place. Ugh.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear it, that sounds like a great plan.

Yes, the mornings were the worst for me, especially if I had normal, "old" dreams...

Have you considered anti-deppresants or sedatives? I've just started and after a rough transition period, they helped a lot.

[This message edited by HobbesTheTiger at 9:50 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)]


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 256 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am on anti-depressants, but they have not kicked in yet. I am back to the sadness. I just left my son and it both angers and saddens me to see him. He is such collateral damage in his father's fucking assholic ways. I really, really would love to punch him... a lot.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once you are settled into a routine with you and your kiddo that NOBODY but you can disrupt you will feel better..Progress will happen by leaps and bounds..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Nov 2011
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's good that you want to punch him, keep focus on that anger (without actually punching that son of a gun!)!

I'm glad you're on antideppresants and I hope they'll kick in soon. I've just started taking them recently and up till yesterday there were lots of side-effects, especially fatigue etc., so I'm waiting for them to kick in as well.

May I ask what have you been doing to pamper yourself, to relax, to exercise and get frustrations out of you? Maybe we can help you come up with a list of things that could make you feel at least temporarily better.

Best wishes


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 256 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmm, that’s a good question, I honestly have been a lunatic. I pretty much just want to sleep, and when I wake up, I just want to drink (I am not), I haven’t exercised much, but I am trying to get back into it because I was an avid runner…I drive. I drive a lot. When I feel so lonely that I could die, I drive—on the road, nobody is ever alone. I like having cars around me and just listening to the radio. Bizarre, I know. lol


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 1:50 AM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi:)

I'm glad you're not drinking, that was a big problem for me. And I totally understand the driving, there was something comforting about that for me, though in hindsight I was probably something of a liability on the road at the time, so be careful about that.

Glad to hear you've been an avid runner, I hope you re-start soon, it will help immensely!

Best wishes


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 256 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H wants 50/50 custody of the baby, and my attorney said they judges would be apt to giving that to him, since they are all about the father's taking responsibility. I literally have NOTHING against my H, except that he committed adultery. In exchange for me giving 50/50, he is willing to buy me out of the house (as long as I do not touch his pension). I have NO clue what to do, and this nightmare is becoming more and more like a fucking neverending saga. The attorney said I cannot put a clause in which prohibits his OW to seeing my kid, as she has no criminal record, has a great job, and it engaged to that dick. O M G


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi.

Don't really know what to say, just wanted to let you know you've been heard and that I strongly empathize and sympathize with you.

One thing though - have you thought about:
1. getting a few 1st (free) visits at some other attorneys, to see what they think?
2. reviewing what the word on the street is about your attorney, how good is he/she?
3. checking whether to see if there are some really good (female) attorneys that fight and take an interest in their clients and are like momma bears, fierce, good and protective? maybe you could switch lawyers and get your retainer back and get a "shark"/momma bear lawyer?

I find it funny and, from the European law perspective, weird that such a woman, who is clearly a source of a danger of parental alienation, would be permitted to have contact with your child?! And yes, "engaged", while he's still married to you?!

FFS. Anyway, as always, SI is here for you!


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 256 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTF? The pension has an ascertain able present value. The house is worth whatever it can sell for minus the mortgage. Whether he buys it or a stranger buys it, your share is the same (less commissions, etc) so ...


I don't think he's offering you anything. Half the house and half the present value of the pension. Talk to your lawyer about this and never verbally agree to any of his offers so he won't be able,to complain that you can't make up your mind. Just tell him I will discuss it with my attorney. And well get back to you.

Pensions are either cash value (401k types) or on some instances a defined benefit plan which pays certain amounts at a certain age . It's easy to figure out what one half of a 401K is worth, less easy with a defined benefit plan. But that's why you have counsel.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hobbes, this lawyer was recommended to me by a friend who also divorced her cheating cop husband, and he comes highly recommended. I guess he's just been through all of this before.
They even recommended annulment since my H had no sound mind, and didn't want to get married from the beginning.
They have been digging for anything on the OW, but they have found nothing. As far as they are concerned, she is pregnant with my sons half siblings, my H's residence is hers, so I am stuck.
The house is paid off as it was given to him as a gift, which is what kind of makes me stuck. We haven't been married for long in the eyes of the law, so pension would probably be nothing in the long run anyway. Why me!!!!


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today I am sad. My sister told me he came to pick the baby up to spend Father's Day with his son. I thought we would have spent it together today and I had fantasies of a great day together. Now he's with the OW, my son and their soon to be born twins. Guess this is how my life will be. Happy Father's Day to all the GREAT dad's out there!!


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
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