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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Cheated on me for 10 years..
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey :) This site is great, I never knew it existed. Thank you for the recommendation. Exactly, I wish he told me I was in a competition. I would have bowed out... They do deserve each other, I hope they are very miserable together once they realize there is no more thrill... I need to just get him out of my life.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is a great attitude - you're light years ahead of where I was when I first found out!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6921 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's the anger speaking, lol. I have a great sister and she already threatened to kill him, lol. There honestly is no forgiving here though... THEN i would be an idiot i feel


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
JT4588
♀ Member
Member # 42971
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

April3216,

You are NOT pathetic - HE is. 10 years of lying, cheating, and living two different lives???? He is a loser that doesn't deserve you! YOU are an amazing woman that gave everything to a man that appears to be sociopathic. Of course she is the love of his life - he's living in fantasyland!! Everything is fantastic in fantasyland. If he had to live with her every day she wouldn't look so damned good. And let me tell you, he wouldn't look good to her either. At some point she would have to face the fact that he lied to and cheated on his wife. Yeah, she'd think he would never do that to her but guess what? He would and if they end up together he WILL!!!

I'm new to this forum really and am going through my own Hell but your story literally took away my breath. Your heart is broken in a billion pieces but you WILL survive this! You are better off without him - I promise you that. You are not financially dependent on him, you have a beautiful baby, it sounds like you have a great family for support.

You made the absolute right decision to kick his ass to the curb. Leave him there and when he comes crawling back on his hands and knees, kick him to the curb again. Keep kicking until you are free of him.

Protect yourself at all costs. Get on-line and find an attorney in your area. Do that this weekend so you can call their office first thing on Monday morning. If you have joint banking accounts, get to the bank first thing tomorrow (presumably tomorrow is Saturday where you are), take the money out, and open your own account. Do it before he can. If you think he won't you are wrong! He will.

Since I am new here I hesitate to even say this but in your case I have to say it: divorce him NOW!!! You are in for a lifetime of hurt if you stay with him. If he would cheat like that for 10 years he's capable of much more than you know. Again, this is only my opinion. Others who have been here may advise differently. But, from where I'm sitting you have nothing to gain and everything to lose by staying with him.

You are young, you are beautiful, you are strong!!! As others say here, put on your bitch boots and show this guy those boots were made for walking.

Many, many prayers for you!

[This message edited by JT4588 at 7:56 PM, May 16th (Friday)]


Posts: 72 | Registered: Apr 2014
Mom-of-4
♀ Member
Member # 29927
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please go to "The Healing Library" and read about the 180.

Please make an appointment with a lawyer NOW!

Do NOT have sex with him no matter what!

Visit your OB/GYN for STD testing as soon as possible (sorry).

Go somewhere safe or have friends/sister/other family stay with you until you can begin to sort things out.

I am sorry you are here.

I didn't find this site until after 1 year of my Dday and I wish I would have. I definitely would have done things differently.

Hugs


Me- BS 42
WH-43-5 month PA- outed when I was 28 weeks pregnant with baby #4
Married-13 yrs
Children- 5 children under the age of 10
OW- his boss' wife, a "friend"

*Winners never cheat and cheaters never win*


Posts: 213 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: The South
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Divorce is the only option here. I mean, there is really nothing he can do to make this better, like 1/2 the time he has known me he has been with her. That in itself is hard to grasp. Knowing they have literally been in a relationship where he referred to her as his GF, and has said he loved her is enough. He never could have loved me, no human would do that to someone else.

I have a great support system, and I am truly thankful for that. I would be probably on the floor if I didnt have my sister. My sister is researching everything for me, because I barely have any brain capacity right now.

I dont think he will even want to come back, I think he wanted someone else to do the hard part for him because he is a coward. I wish I knew all of this before I got pregnant (it was an accident), and knowing she was pregnant twice with his baby is so much worse.

Bank account is secured, my money is out, and his money that he used to buy her expensive gifts still remains. I never wish people harm, but I wish them a lifetime of misery. I pray I can survive this...

I am sorry you are going through hell as well, it's so awful to think of other females suffering right now.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
Mom-of-4
♀ Member
Member # 29927
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I try not to shout divorce to anyone when they join SI, but I def see how you don't see any other option. If I were in your shoes I would def file divorce papers asap. I'm so glad you have your sister. Prayers for you. You will survive this! You and your precious baby! Take care of yourself! HUGS!!!


Me- BS 42
WH-43-5 month PA- outed when I was 28 weeks pregnant with baby #4
Married-13 yrs
Children- 5 children under the age of 10
OW- his boss' wife, a "friend"

*Winners never cheat and cheaters never win*


Posts: 213 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: The South
Mom-of-4
♀ Member
Member # 29927
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I try not to shout divorce to anyone when they join SI, but I def see how you don't see any other option. If I were in your shoes I would def file divorce papers asap. I'm so glad you have your sister. Prayers for you. You will survive this! You and your precious baby! Take care of yourself! HUGS!!!


Me- BS 42
WH-43-5 month PA- outed when I was 28 weeks pregnant with baby #4
Married-13 yrs
Children- 5 children under the age of 10
OW- his boss' wife, a "friend"

*Winners never cheat and cheaters never win*


Posts: 213 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: The South
Tren0R201
♂ Member
Member # 39633
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So he was doing you a favor huh?
Or was it the ego of having his cake and eating it.
Callous is not merely cheating, but also bringing children into the world with the potential atom bomb of discovery and the wreckage that it could cause hanging over everyone's head.

So sorry for what you are going through, although you might not feel it at the moment, you are entirely innocent in all this.

They've had their fun, the excitement of running around under the cover of darkness, using his job as an excuse, the thrill of being covert. That all ends.
The light now shines firmly on them, you keep your head held high, you be strong. She had to bring it out into the open because he was never going to leave you.

Give it time and watch it implode but always remain with your head held high.


Posts: 244 | Registered: Jun 2013
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope-- like I said, it wasnt once, it wasnt a drunken mistake, it was a decade of lies and deceit. And what kind of MAN tells a women to get an abortion. I have a heart, and if this OW wanted her baby, then who the fuck is he to take away that right?? POS!


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi April3216.

What he has done is appalling and the so called "friends" or work colleagues that knew all about it are despicable for encouraging it all while you remained oblivious. I can never understand that. He is a cop? He doesn't do his profession any justice does he?

Anyway I am so glad you have found this site. Even though you feel you are turning to dust inside, your true strength is showing through from the things you have wrote here. I applaud you for letting someone else mind the baby in the short term while you give yourself time to get your head together. You also sound like you have a great support network involving people of substance instead of the idiot accomplices your WH associates with. You will get stronger with time. Allow your present anger to drive you forward and get things done. Sometimes fear is the greatest motivator - use it to your advantage.

Don't be fooled into thinking that it was all hearts and flowers between them either. If it was all so fabulous and she was "the love of his life" why not make life easier and ask you for a divorce 10 years ago especially before you had a child to consider? He is romanticising it to you now because he has to justify it somehow. He is as deluded as she is. She would not have taken the desperate step she has if she was totally secure in this so called "relationship". It is absolutely pathetic. What a tragic waste of 10 years of HER life including the loss of the babies she could have had. Even if he trots off into the sunset with her, how on earth are either of them ever going to feel secure with each other? That is how you have to look at it.

I don't know how you could ever feel secure enough to forgive him for this but only you can decide. It would be the end for me I'm afraid.

Get your ducks in order and be thankful that you are in a position of independence so that you have choices for you and your child. DO NOT let him or his piece of TRASH see your insecurities. Stay strong, keep posting and gather everyone around you for support.

You will get through this and come out looking like the winner you are. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

Sending you hugs.


Ellejay x


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1096 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hon, don't fool yourself. How much can he love her if he married you and talked her into aborting their child, twice. What kind of sick relationship could they possibly have. They can write sweet words to each other all day long, however, in the end during the real times he dumped all over her. Don't envy their luuuuuve. What they have isn't even close to real love.

[This message edited by momentintime at 10:29 PM, May 16th (Friday)]


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 3004 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
Gotmegood
♀ Member
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You called him a coward. You are right on the money. And I'll bet she didn't send you any tapes of the arguments they've had that led to her stepping up to the plate and mailing all her momentos to you. She may be tall, slim and stunning, but for what it's worth, what kind of self-esteem do you think she's got to knowingly screw a married guy. She knew he came home to you every night...musta made her feel pretty unloved at times, wouldn't you think? Don't put yourself down. He's the low-life coward. Now is the time to focus on your child and yourself. You deserve it.


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 527 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
nolight
♀ Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got the same crap from my ex H, he loved her more then he ever loved me, he married me because he felt I deserved it..well fuck him and fuck your husband.

Like other posters I don't usually say divorce the prick but in this instance it's warranted. If you stay with him you will die inside, your self esteem and worth will be ruined and you deserve so much more then this and your baby deserves a happy, healthy and strong mother.

Their relation-shit is built on drama, they are two fucked up people clinging to a train wreck. Believe me Hun if he made her get rid of her baby and stayed with you for so long I don't believe for a second that they have a healthy relationship.

It sounds like she pulls away and he suddenly freaks out and wants her, typical unavailable (read emotionally messed up) behaviour. Just wait for this one to implode when they have to face an actual life together. My guess is it won't last the year.

Like my idiot ex H he will probably try and come back, don't let him you are so much better then this.

Edited to add obviously my exH and the slunt didn't last, just had the most up and down, on again off again relationship I've ever observed for years. now I wish they had remained together they really deserve each other!

[This message edited by nolight at 1:45 AM, May 17th (Saturday)]


Posts: 517 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This all has really hit me today. I woke up in a panic, with my heart racinng and my hands extremely shaky. I do not know how I am ever going to get by. I can get over him, I am not so sure I can get over this betrayal, and being taken for such a fool. I want to reach out to his friends that knew, but that would undoubtedly cause more drama than its worth. I know their relationshit (i like that) is probably not as great as it seemed on paper, but nevertheless he risked everything for her, knowing that she could have turned around at anytime and called him out on everything. I dont the strength to even stand up right now.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

April

I am so sorry this happened.

Yes, find the meanest atty you can and divorce, ASAP.

I have more I want to say but for now, think of this:

This whore aborted the child they made together No man can "force" a woman to do that. If she has any conscience at all, it will eat at her forever.

That is so wrong on so many levels . . . and he wanted her to do it. What a wonderful experience to share together.

No one had a gun to his head to stay with you. He did it because he is a cake eater. He wanted it all. POS

Hold. Your. Head. High. Go dark, NC with him except for $ and kids.

You are in shock now, it's hell on a person, be with family, lean on them.

Expose them. Let everyone know what they did, abortions and all.

People will know who was the honest, loyal, good person in all this.

YOU.

[This message edited by shiloe at 6:54 AM, May 17th (Saturday)]


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 631 | Registered: Mar 2003
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He must have been pretty convincing in making her have them. I am sure if she really wanted them she will never forgive herself.

I just dont see how this is going to get better. He wrote once in a text to her that he almost broke down crying because he felt he was losing her. I remember that day, and he was so withdrawn and depressed, I asked if he wanted a divorce...now it all makes sense. Everything is linking up.

I want to stay in bed all day and cry, I cant face this.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi April3216. I'm very sorry you are here but happy you found us. You are in a terrible situation that this emotional terrorist has put you in. 10 years? WTF!! An epic emotional terrorist.

I read through your thread and I don't have much more to offer in terms of advice than what's already been said above. Wanted you to know that we are here listening. Continue to lean on your family for support and having a IC appt for today is good.

I want you to know that you did absolutely nothing wrong here. You are going to have many different feelings and you are now on the roller coaster from hell. Just know that we have all been there and it will get better. Even the shame and embarrassment will get better once you realize you have done nothing wrong. I get those feelings as I have BTDT and bought the t shirt. Honestly those "Friends" were clearly not friends to your marriage or your family.

You have my deepest empathy. Keep reading. Keep posting. Even if it's just to vent how you feel. We are here.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2351 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Guinness23
♀ Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

O....M....G!!!!!!!!!

There is a real SPECIAL place in hell for this bastard!!!

((((April and son))))

I cant believe that I have been so foolish for ten years. She literally covered all her bases so he wouldnt be able to lie his way out of this. What kind of person does this to someone? She is gorgeous too. I am a simple girl, she is stunning, tall, thin, just stunning

DO NOT...I REPEAT, DO NOT GO DOWN THIS ROAD

What you have here is a crown jewel in your mind that turned out to be a cubic zirconia fake. WHO knew??? NO ONE of us can actually BELIEVE we are stupid for not "knowing." These anti-human devilish people have the upper hand. Pat yourself on the back and feel good about yourself on that alone.

This has NOTHING to do with you except the fact that the prick wasted 10years of your life. BUT he gave you a little human being to care about. This ass IMO has NO right to be "a dad." All he did was stick his dick into you...the same dick that went into her. Difference is YOU didn't abort your gift. I would move heaven and earth to get ALL parental rights wiped from him. I wouldn't want my son to be in the same store with him on opposite ends yet alone have visitation!!!

GET yourself tested for a full panel of STDS like yesterday!

I know you are in shock right now. I know your whole life just crumbled. It is horribly unfair and awful PLEASE do NOT second guess your worth or stack yourself up to her. There is SO MUCH MORE value in being a good person than any physical trait you can isolate with her.

Be glad that you only lost 10 years NOT 30. The VERY GOOD thing you have on your side is that you are not financially tied to him. Use that to your advantage by getting a good lawyer and moving on without ever looking back.


Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23


Posts: 686 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh April... This is just awful. They are VERY sick people. She aborted two kids with the so called love of her life?? And how stupid is she for even getting pregnant?! She is no prize. She's a corpse, that's it.

I would move heaven and earth to get ALL parental rights wiped from him. I wouldn't want my son to be in the same store with him on opposite ends yet alone have visitation!!!

This is exactly what I was thinking. He's told you he never wanted your child? Can you support your family on your own? I would want to be rid of this guy and would not want to risk the emotional damage he could bring into my child's life. If I were you I might want to throw the option out there. Sign over parental rights, get the F out of our lives. If he accepts that you'll know you've done the right thing.

What a freaking sick sociopath!

P.S. Always remember the saying - If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat ON you. I highly doubt he's been the only one for her ten years and I doubt they'll be together in six months. Even if they are, chances of one of them cheating on the other is pretty much 100%.

Hugs to you...


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 270 | Registered: Mar 2013
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