Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: new2this2 (45757)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Cheated on me for 10 years..
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, the trembling and all the other fun things are because you're in shock. The initial few weeks are when you're hit hard both physically and emotionally. Don't read more into it other than it being your body's response to a severe trauma.

If you're pathetic, then so am I and countless others. I'm sure you don't see others in that light. Don't cast it on yourself.

Whatever so called "beauty" this AP has is canceled out by her ugly soul. Let her have him and see how this Shakespearean romance does when she's washing the skid marks out of his boxers.

I am sorry that you're dealing with this, but I'm glad that you found SI. It's so much easier once you see that you're far from alone.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Mar 2012
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This shaking is terrible. I'm trying my best to eat but that's not working well. I want to contact her and wish her the best of luck with him. From what I gathered she was under the impression he was divorcing me. He has destroyed me and I'm afraid I'll never find happiness again. I cannot function. He has ruined me. I hope he dies alone


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((April))) I am so sorry. I wish I was there IRL because I just want to hug you and tell you it will be alright, you will be alright. I know that is hard to believe, but there are thousands of us here that prove that point.

In regards to the "stunning" OW. The packaging maybe "gorgeous" but what it is hiding is so ugly so EVIL, I hardly have words. Who the fuck sends such hurtful stuff to someone (you) who is so innocent in their fucking drama and just had a brand new baby? To blow up your world in such a manner is despicable. The level of cruelty of this fucking slunt is unfathomable. That anyone can find "beauty" in someone so disgusting is beyond me. OW wanted to hurt you, destroy you. That is not a stunning or lovely woman. That is one sick, evil twat. Gawd, I want to throat punch her for you!

Have you tried sipping on milkshakes? That was something I was able to get down, albeit slowly.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H's AP threatened to do exactly the same thing when my H refused to leave me for her. Exactly. At that point in the relationship, he had become afraid of her and was hoping for a way out that would not involve hurting me. That's the good part of receiving a pile of trash like she sent you. It probably means He is not giving her what she wants and he is determined to stay with you.

All that aside, I can only imagine how awful this must be for you. As painful as it is going to be, you need to sit down with your H and show him what you received. I don't know what you will choose to do - I know there are a million things going through your mind right now, and several directions you can see yourself going with all this. I am so, so sorry this happened to you.

Like someone else said, I can't believe stuff like this happens - that there are people in this world who would stoop that low to get what they want, who would just purposely hurt another person so deeply out of their sheer selfishness.

Please let us know what you decide to do and know that we care for you and are here for you!


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 447 | Registered: May 2014
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't understand. Why didn't he ask her to marry him instead of you? If you've been married 4.5 years and he knew her for 10 years. I. Don't. Get. It.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to hurt her, but since I'm a nice person and from reading these texts over and over again he is such a manipulator. She did try to leave and he forced her to stay. I'm not defending her, but I think the real problem is him and his sociopathic ways. Our marriage wasn't great from the beginning and he should have divorced me then. Unfortunately there is no resolving this. I will never trust him again. Every time he goes to work I will doubt him.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately I think she sent me this stuff so she could be done with him. He was never leaving her either... ugh


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really admire you having some compassion for this OW, but, you don't try to destroy someone else so you can get out of something. That is extremely selfish and, once again, EVIL.

I am glad you are placing the responsibility for your WH's choices on him, though.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's the only way I can survive. To blame him for everything. He's ruined so many lives. Mine, my childs, hers all bc he wasn't man enough to either end it with her or me. In some twisted way I'm thankful she told me and very thankful it wasn't while I was pregnant. God knows how much longer this would have lasted. This all may be my defense mechanisms as well.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW had choices, April. WH didn't force her to do anything, she had and made choices. If she truly didn't know about you at first, then as soon as she did find out she had a choice and she chose selfishly. Please don't forget that fact. This OW is selfish and she doesn't have your best interests in her thoughts at all, it is all about her. OW is not your friend.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:08 AM, May 17th (Saturday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for knocking some sense in to me. I just don't know how I am going to get by. This hurts so bad.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand your perspective in that you can get over and move on from this POS WH overnight..It is the fact that there was a 10 year betrayal going on unbeknownst to you that you have difficulty wrapping your head around...This situation would traumatize anybody and everybody who I know..
I am glad you are in counseling...Focus on you, and your baby, screw him....I hope your time is being spent with a GOOD counselor..
Always know you can trust yourself in your actions once you become aware of problems or situations..
The pain and panic you feel, just know that it will come and go in waves until it completely fades with time..No harm is seeing a doctor if you need something to help you eat or sleep..
You are not a fool..He is...Some people are so extreme, and in that your WH takes the cake..

(((April)))

[This message edited by doggiediva at 11:21 AM, May 17th (Saturday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1356 | Registered: Nov 2011
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's exactly what it is! The 10 years of betrayal that I cannot grasp. Our entire relationship was literally a complete lie. Every moment together. He was miserable when he was not talking to her. She may very well be the right one for him, I just wish I knew. I honestly would have left. Maybe I would have been with a better man right now. I'm going to need some heavy meds I know that for sure.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweetie,

Get a lawyer, pronto. I know this hurts but they are BAD people. She knows you just had a baby and to do this is just inhuman. For him to love someone who would hurt someone else the way she did is just further proof that he's worse than she is. There are many times on here where I believe that the betrayer had a lapse of judgment (or several) and can be redeemed. This isn't one of them. He has been deliberately and cruelly deceiving you and flaunting it all over the place. He's just a terrible person who belongs with a terrible person. Let them have each other. The flames when that one blows up are going to be a mile high and you don't want to be a part of it.

While you are meeting with lawyers, get yourself some Boost or Ensure so you can keep something down. You need the nutrition. Focus on getting yourself better so you can be a mom to your new baby. Don't let your husband and that bitch steal the joy of a new baby from you. They've taken enough.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4276 | Registered: Sep 2005
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with my best friend and sister now and they have already lined up lawyers and told me not to even think about being with him. He consciously knew what he was doing and knew that any woman who was told promises was eventually going to go after me. Something tells me he wanted it that way. Just a guy feeling. I'm sure he is with her now, having cocktails on this beautiful new England day, while the only thing I can do is cry. They are taking me out to dinner tonight and dancing. Fortunately with the no eating I'm back down to my pre pregnancy weight lol.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
Mindset
♂ New Member
Member # 42251
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel very sorry for you there is nothing worse than being betrayed by a partner or spouse. Your story has a lot of similarities with mine. For the time being you need to be selfish and think about yourself and not worry about things that you cannot control. 10 years is a very long time but she probably made you a big favour by telling you now rather than you finding out let say in 20 years time. Please do not forget it is never too late to build a new life

[This message edited by Mindset at 4:57 PM, May 17th (Saturday)]


Posts: 14 | Registered: Jan 2014
mandolin555
♀ Member
Member # 42476
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are painting unrealistic pictures in your mind right now! Believe me, they aren't the couple you imagine them to be. The lights are on in their world now...all the ugly realities of a REAL relationship are setting in. She's just accidentally farted around him and he's trying to suck in his stomach. There's NO love involved. Just lust and lust dies when the light hits it.

Have you ever wondered what the dog does when it finally catches the car it's chasing? It does nothing. It turns and walks away. He's the dog. She's the car.

Drink an ensure. Fix your hair and makeup and remind yourself that you have every right to feel beautiful to yourself!! You say you're simple? You sound STRONG and FUNNY...and I bet he's already missing you. Who cares?! Fuck him!!! Not literally. DO NOT!


Posts: 102 | Registered: Feb 2014
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That made me lol. Thank you for that. I know I'm painting this crazy picture of their relationship but he risked everything for her. According to his friend who told his wife (who called me) he has been planning to propose to her as soon as our divorce is finalized. Wow. It hasn't even started yet. I hope they are divorced in a month. She didn't call to hurt me I don't thinj, I think she called me to ensure that I divorce him or something. I'm glad she didn't have the guts to tell me. Backstabbing bitches


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
mandolin555
♀ Member
Member # 42476
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you can still laugh! I'd be chin deep in some Ben and Jerry. I really don't need an excuse though.

Here's the thing...cheaters compartmentalize. He wasn't risking anything in his mind. You two were in separate realities. Now he FINALLY realizes what's he has lost. Don't for a second believe that shit about him wanting to propose to her. Remember that even if this wife who called you is a "friend"...and I doubt that since she's most likely known for some time...my guess is that she's a drama llama. Avoid those at all costs!!! They love to find out a scrap of info...grossly blow it out of proportion...then tell the person who is hurting for some sick satisfaction.


Posts: 102 | Registered: Feb 2014
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm actually slowly dying. I'm just trying to keep talking so I don't lose my mind. I can't grasp that this actually happened to me. I'm so fucking angry. I have no idea how I'll survive.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
Topic Posts: 249
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.