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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Cheated on me for 10 years..
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One minute at a time, knowing that some minutes are better than others....

Baby steps..

It sucks now, but

Life won't always be this way...


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1242 | Registered: Nov 2011
mandolin555
♀ Member
Member # 42476
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh.... I despise that feeling. It's a blacked out, cold world that only outsiders can see the outcome of. Trust me...you'll not only survive but you will thrive! You have abused and unappreciated for 10 years by a douche canoe. Your life will bloom with possibilities soon.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Feb 2014
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just want them out of my life and thoughts. Let them be happy if that's the way it's going to be. I don't know how else to work through this.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
mandolin555
♀ Member
Member # 42476
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eat. Take breaths. Look on Pinterest for inspiration. Stop comparing yourself to her RIGHT now!!!!! You are a gem and she is a pile of garbage. You have a child....and that means you WILL be tough...and brave! You will hold your head high...knowing your worth is not measured by this situation. Be the classiest version of yourself. Be graceful and calm. Step lightly and take in the beauty of the world around you. NEVER let him see the hurt you feel. Stop pain shopping by re-reading her messages to you. Delete that poison from your life...but save it for the proof you'll need when he comes crawling back...he will come crawling back. Be prepared by building up your spirit to the point that you simply feel indifferent about him.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Feb 2014
mandolin555
♀ Member
Member # 42476
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just looked over your original post. 3 weeks post partum? Hmmm...you need to call your OB/GYN ASAP and get meds for depression. Like NOW. Call after hours if you must. Please remember that although your feelings are real and raw...they are a million times worse with all that excess Estrogen running through your body. What a pathetic, worthless piece of shit sorry excuse for a dumb fucking son of a bitch!!!!!!??????!!!! I am soooooooooooo pissed off for you!!!!!! Girl....listen to me...don't you waste even one more second of sadness on that garbage. What the fuck??!!!!

Posts: 102 | Registered: Feb 2014
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My sister mentioned the post partum. I'm susceptible to depression and bad thoughts so I'm definitely going to need meds. He won't come back. He already contacted lawyers too. He wanted her, he got her. I am only remaining strong for the baby, if I didn't have him, I'd be done. I had a meltdown over dinner and had to leave. This is not easy. Thank you ALL for your kind kind words. It is helping so much.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad you have your sister with you..Meltdowns are normal you have been extremely traumatized..

I was 3 months post partum when shit hit the fan in our house (first D-day)..Even after 3 months a new mom is super sensitive and susceptible to depression..Keep your beloved sister and friends around you...

[This message edited by doggiediva at 9:08 PM, May 17th (Saturday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1242 | Registered: Nov 2011
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My sister mentioned the post partum. I'm susceptible to depression and bad thoughts so I'm definitely going to need meds. He won't come back. He already contacted lawyers too. He wanted her, he got her. I am only remaining strong for the baby, if I didn't have him, I'd be done. I had a meltdown over dinner and had to leave. This is not easy. Thank you ALL for your kind kind words. It is helping so much.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
Fireflies
♀ Member
Member # 40210
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

April,

I'm sorry you had to find this place, but it's a place full of wonderful people. I haven't posted in a while, but when I saw your story, I had to reach out. I, too, have a pos WH that started cheating before marriage (also a cop). It's fucking crazy making. Why go through the wedding, the kids, the pretense of building a life together? I've asked myself those questions so many times. All I can conclude is that there is broken and there is a fucking insane crazy level of fucked up broken that defines our WH's.

I only skimmed the thread, but I'm sure others have told you to take care of yourself. Please, do that. His level of fucked up has nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, the repercussions have all too much to do with you and your kid(s). I'm so sorry for that. Nothing you did or didn't do made him the colossal asshole he is. There are a few of us on here with similar situations. I just wanted to make sure you knew you weren't alone. I was 7.5 mos pregnant when I found out and it was a fucking nightmare. I'm so happy you have your sis and bff to talk to to. Feel free to pm me anytime.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but it will be okay. You will be okay. Sending you strength.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Go your way,
I'll take the long way 'round,
I'll find my own way down,
As I should.

Posts: 79 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Grr Argh
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bank account is secured, my money is out, and his money that he used to buy her expensive gifts still remains

I am going to start on a practical note. Where I live money taken out of the marital estate to buy gifts/vacations during an affair is called dissipation of assets. You are entitled to that money. If the OW sent you proof bring that to the lawyer's attention.

On an emotional note: I want you to know that I am so sorry. Keep your family and friends near you. Take care of yourself. This is not about some shortcoming within you. This is about the deep moral deficit/defect in them.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Mar 2004
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fireflies, thank you. I honestly hate to put cops in the category of cheaters, but it's just all too easy for them. I am sorry for your pain as well. Exactly! ! Why marry me?! I honestly didn't need him to marry me, I would have been fine. He was literally never happy with me, and now I know why. He got everything he needed from her and only a house from me. He worked constantly and I barely saw him anyway. PM me, I am still not allowed to initiate pms. Thanks!


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rising from ashes, thank you so much. I am still waiting from calls from the lawyers and now he already has his lawyers, so I can only hope mine are better than his. From what she's told me, he has spend about 10k on her. Nice. This needs to get better


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
Fireflies
♀ Member
Member # 40210
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

April,
It doesn't make sense to us because we're normal people who wouldn't do something so utterly horrible. It will never make sense to us. You're applying your normal person morals to a narcissistic shithead. Not gonna work. I'll pm you in case you want to talk. Again, you will be okay.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Go your way,
I'll take the long way 'round,
I'll find my own way down,
As I should.

Posts: 79 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Grr Argh
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

10 years...It was more than that.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Mar 2004
Fireflies
♀ Member
Member # 40210
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PM sent, mama.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Go your way,
I'll take the long way 'round,
I'll find my own way down,
As I should.

Posts: 79 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Grr Argh
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This needs to get better...I'm so much worse today. I'm afraid of how I will be when I hit rock bottom.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
evephoebe1
♀ Member
Member # 36923
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((April)))

Hang in there, it does eventually get better.

You're in the fresh, raw state right now and I remember how the pain is almost unbearable. Keep family and friends close.


Me: Survivor! BS (47)
Him: WH (45)
2 awesome kids, 13 & 16

Posts: 92 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: evephoebe1
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just skimmed through this and all I can say is that I'm sorry this has happened to you. Life can be so unfair and cruel. Your husband is not a man but a mouse. He's a coward, totally spineless, and doesn't deserve you.

I'm happy you are taking a stand for yourself and kicking this guy to the curb. You mentioned that he is a cop. Perhaps did he use his time during his shift to see her? Maybe you can make a report to internal affairs just because and in the mean time let those two have each other.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 616 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. No he isn't a man, and hearing that from another man makes it that more real. From what she described he would "work" midnight but take the night off so he could be with her. I hope papers will be able to be served tomorrow!


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
April3216
♀ Member
Member # 43453
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Papers are being drawn up today...my heart is in pieces.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married: 4.5 years
1ds: 4 weeks
Dday: 5/14
OW told me/cheated for ten years with her

No R. D FILED.


Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Northeast
Topic Posts: 249
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