6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay
[This message edited by MadOldBat at 6:38 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]
the other half thinks that I may only have 20 active, healthy years left and do I want to spend the rest of my life with this creep?
MOB, it all boils down to what do YOU need to do to regain your self-respect.
It took me six months after discovery to decide. I turned 55 that year. I'm 61 this year and life is good.
It's been a painful ride in places, but way less painful than dealing with the uncertainty of *always* wondering if they're at it again.
At least if you're on your own, YOU control your environment and your life.
I can't tell you the relief that comes from disengaging from the drama. If I never have another relationship I'm OK with that.
There is a richness to my life now that wasn't there before.
Big hugs. This shit is hard.
[This message edited by FaithFool at 7:12 AM, August 1st (Friday)]
sodamnlost, I'm so sorry you and your DD are going through this!
[This message edited by MadOldBat at 6:45 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]
"wow, that's really compulsive"
[This message edited by MadOldBat at 6:40 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]
He's been sober for 75 days, but claims all his infidelities were because of his alcoholism. Is this true? Because I don't buy it one bit.
So what is the context of his proclamation? Is he hoping this will make you stop being devastated?
My h tried to say the same thing until I pointed out the escort appointments made during work hours. Sometimes he'd call in the morning before work to try to set something up for the ride home. It's true that alcohol seemed to make it easier for him to act out, but the SA preceded the alcohol issues by almost a year. I'd be sure to verify as much as possible. At the least you need access to all the financials and phone records.Remember to check his credit report for secret lines of credit.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 3:58 PM, August 1st (Friday)]
I would only entertain the idea IF he was drunk every time.
Also, does it really even matter? If he's an alcoholic and only cheats when he's drunk... does it make you feel better?
My H usually combines the two and it makes a perfect storm. When he drinks scotch, he usually doesn't care at all about what I want and has no self control. I think they are both issues so I'm not letting one be an excuse for the other.
NatureGirl, thank you for the the drive by post in a place that really needs your hard-earned wisdom. A long time ago, we had a popular post here that listed all the behaviors that were unacceptable - do you remember it? It was awesome.
And my all-time favorite quote: He may be a sex addict, but he's also an ASSHOLE. All too often, the two go together.
Holding everyone here in the light this weekend.
The nightmare I briefly lived this week due to my ex's porn habits and his utter sloppiness in keeping the kids unaware of his habits has me so concerned for everyone who has children with a sex addict. Even after divorce, the danger to our children remains. Our children are in danger no matter what, though. There is no amount of micromanaging the situation/environment to adequately protect the children. The truth always comes out eventually.
Even after divorce, the danger to our children remains. Our children are in danger no matter what, though. There is no amount of micromanaging the situation/environment to adequately protect the children. The truth always comes out eventua
I'm living through this right now too, though not quite as dramatically as you, NG. But I'm about year behind you in terms of my divorce being finalized and visitation beginning.
Everyone, my formerly "perfect" SAH, fought me for three years in court over visitation. I refused to give him overnights because I was so scared of what might happen. He protected my children (and so did I) during that time, not even letting them know why we were getting divorced or even that an OW existed.
Well, two days after the end of the grueling three-day trial, he introduced my children to her. A SA OW who invites people over to her home for group sex. S&M group sex.
On my EX's very first weekend overnight visitation with his children in three years, he invited OW to spend the day with my babies, even over their objections.
THIS is the stuff that Sex Addicts do if they do not successfully continue treatment. I hope some people here read my story and can use it to plan ahead to protect their children somehow.