The lying, even lying by omission just drives me crazy. My spouse has handeled this with classic "trickle truths" and "gaslighting".
I'm feeling betrayed and I've lost all trust. I'm embarrassed and humiliated. And I feel like there hasn't been a lot of respect for our marriage. Our kids are grown but I still feel a divorced will hit them hard. But at this point, I don't think I want to stay in this marriage. I thought my spouse was my best friend and life partner. I was wrong.
[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 10:19 PM, May 17th (Saturday)]
It hit me really hard the first time. Now I'm just trying to accept the fact that I was wrong about her and she's not who I thought she was in many, but not all, ways. It's just a struggle at the moment.
I know those just found out are often told to wait before making any big decisions. I tend to agree, but only where you have a remorseful WS. With an unremorseful repeat cheater I can just as easily support getting out of that M. Do what you need to do for your own healing and peace of mind since your WW isn't.
Please see a lawyer and figure out how to protect yourself should you choose D. Don't give your WW any warning if you do decide to do that. She didn't give you "fair warning".
Have you ever thought about asking your wife to take a polygraph? You know of two affairs, the poly might force her to come clean about everything. Unfortunately, most waywards don't admit to too much unless we throw solid evidence at them....and sometimes, even then, they deny.
Is your wife doing anything to repair the damage she has done....counseling, reading books, giving you access to all of her social media including phone, email, facebook, linkedin, etc.
Accountability for her whereabouts at all times.
Cheaters lie and lie and lie by omission. They either try to protect themselves, minimize the situation, don't want to hurt the BS, or possibly sweep the A under the rug.
Only you know what is best for you. I suggest you meet with an attorney, not to file, but as a consultation to help you understand your rights if you go the D route.
You WILL get through this, take one day at a time, take time for yourself doing things you enjoy doing...walks, runs, fishing, golfing, anything to give you some peace within this mess.
Take care of yourself
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."
Do the 180 ASAP. Her reaction to that will speak volumes. You deserve an honest spouse. If she cannot or will not be that person:
"Good-bye, that's all he wrote."
"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person