The question is...Have I completely gone over the edge or is my demand valid? I know my methods are questionable but couldn't find a better way.
Sorry about the impossibly long post but my mind is whirling and my head is exploding.
If the child is yours, you can file for custody but I wouldn't invest anymore time with this woman. Again, I'm only going with what you wrote in your post. IMO, you are in for heartache and pain if you stay with her.
"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person
She has no boundaries in her life at this point
Your thinking is solid and on-track.
My WGF has self-esteem issues, seeks validation externally, fear of intimate relationships, victim of abuse as child, broken family etc., etc.
So what ? There are countless people who have all of these difficulties, and more, in their lives, yet they GROW UP and BECOME ADULTS and SHOULDER ADULT RESPONSIBILITIES.... and HAVE boundaries in their lives.
They choose to be vicTORS, not vicTIMS.
Get loose from her, and get your baby with you.
[This message edited by tfkeel at 11:14 AM, May 18th (Sunday)]
I agree with SadInNC
If the child is yours, you can file for custody but I wouldn't invest anymore time with this woman. Again, I'm only going with what you wrote in your post. IMO, you are in for heartache and pain if you stay with her
My neighbors (in 60's now) had 5 kids. All in 30's-40s+ now. 3 boys and one girl are divorced. Of the 4 boys, 3 had xww's like you're describing, abused and bad home lives. All three boys' divorces had bad involved turbulent endings, really emotionally affected long term. They loved their xws's and hung in there too long.
Please take care of you so you can hopefully get custody of your child. But stay unentangled from wgf. We cannot save everyone from their past and you've already endured some of the worst effects.
[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 11:23 AM, May 18th (Sunday)]
Thank you for your advice. My mind and heart are not in sync at this point. I don't know how to untangle with the child involved. She was already pregnant when I found out about the cheating. The emotional devastation has already been wrought. All cried out at this point. Now just hollow and dead inside. I guess I never realized how low a person could go to satisfy selfish needs. I know now and that depresses the hell out of me.
She's an adult acting like an irresponsible kid. As much as you want to "fix" her, she should have been doing that herself. Get custody and run. She's cheated all through your relationship, both parties have no qualms about doing this and will probably do it again since they probably have kids together, so there will always be contact.
Run, run for the hills!
You do NOT need this woman in your life. Unfortunately, unless she walks completely away from the child you are always going to be tied to her in terms of "parenting." BUT, you do NOT have to stay with a woman that clearly has the problems she has. You will live a life of misery if you stay with her. You might love her but you need to move on - without her!!
she really needs to get some counselling and help for herself. once she has done that then maybe you can get somewhere.
it seems she has had a very tough time, but all the more reason to cherish what you both had.
im probably not best to give advice.im pregnant and just found my husbands had a stupid fling.
my heart is broken also. whatever happens i will be the best mum i can. im sure you too will love your child to the moon and back x
Heal yourself first, take time to absorb and come to terms with this tragedy. Make a rational decision based on reality and fact. Keep in mind that there really is nothing you can do to change her. You cant love, nice, buy her to motivate for change. Right now all you can do is spare yourself further harm. You cant control other peoples actions. But you certainly have control over how you react to them. Don't allow this broken woman to drag you further down the sewer with her. You must make a firm stand right now. You need to outline what it is you require, set a time frame for it to be completed and watch her actions. Her words means nothing as she is a liar and cheat. Her actions will dictate her sincerity. In the meantime you continue building your life back as if she was no longer in it. You do this because its your only insurance should she just say fuck it and balk at your requests. And don't think she wont, because more WS take the cowards way out and bail. Don't think for one second your situation is unique, affairs are very typical in nature. And while it is odd that she was pregnant at the time, the circumstances are nothing more than the usual infidelity bullshit. Welcome Bro !!!! Please keep posting and reading. Things will get worse before they get better. But they will get better sooner or later. The sooner depends on who you proceed in the next few days, weeks and months. Hang in there pal.
[This message edited by stronger08 at 7:45 PM, May 18th (Sunday)]
Protect yourself and your new baby.
Just the fact your lady would mess with her and use her children to lie to you shows how broken she is.
She does not love you.
She does love herself.
And she certainly does not love her children like a mom should.
Think about that and do not rush to any decisions......
Good luck to you.