I wish I could recall the book that I read that talked about the wisdom of accepting BOTH/AND versus the narrow path of Either/Or. It changed my path to recovery.
B sounds like your present feelings (Anger, pain) and A sounds like your future (" I want to make plans for the future – dream of the holidays we will go on, our retirement, the fun we will have with our grandchildren.")
If you continue on your healing path, BOTH are possible.
Who is your fWH without the A pain and shame?
Who are YOU without the A pain and resentment?