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User Topic: Serious Question..tmi
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double post... sorry.

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 8:03 AM, May 19th (Monday)]


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it really depends on the relationship, and what your comfort levels are.

Masturbation in and of itself is a healthy outlet, and yes while we all prefer our partner over it (in a healthy relationship) at times that just isn't possible. Travel, Work, Kids, etc all get in the way. But a 5 minute break with BOB may get the job done, and make you feel a little less up tight, and allow a release.

Porn is really something the couple has to work through together, if you have a spouse that is SA, then obviously it's off the table. Looking at porn because your spouse doesn't want to be adventurous isn't ok either.

You have to have healthy agreed upon boundaries in any relationship.
Personally I was never one to consider masturbation until I was in my late 20's. My H and I were very sexually active, and I never "saw the need" but then life got busy. I enjoy my toys now. I see no shame in using them, and I also see no shame in my H choosing to take an extra long shower in the morning because we were too tired the night before, as long as it doesn't prevent us from being intimate later, no problem.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8422 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The goal of sex with a committed partner in my mind is to build a bond of specialness that exists between nobody else but these two partners..
BOB, dancing cuddling, intercourse, it doesn't matter as long as the two partners enjoy themselves and their time together bonds them closer..
I think masturbation and BOB (without partner) I would associate with my solitary pleasures and stress relief..Like going to Message Envy and having a message or eating chocolate and/ or drinking good wine lol...


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1179 | Registered: Nov 2011
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stop going solo. Many of us had husbands going solo, telling us they had a high sex drive, but the funny thing was most nights they were "tired". Turns out they had already taken care of business and we were left out.

That's not all of us. My wife knows I'm really, really sick or really, really upset because that's how often I turn down sex.

The big problem with this is the idea that one size fits all, pun intended. The answers to these questions are as varied as the individuals they apply to.

eta:

Also, while I have an amazing range of abilities with my mouth and tongue, my dick can't spin at high velocities, extend antennae, swap out head attachments or shift speed from 0-60 with a click of a button anymore. I mean when I was 20, sure. It made a lightsaber vooosh noise and everything.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 2:13 PM, May 19th (Monday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7444 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with still going...One size doesn't fit all..It is very very individual in how people crave sex or kill the mood for sex...
Sexy is the partner who expresses a genuine desire to know the other partner's needs and feelings and boundaries and is honest about whether or not he or she can meet those needs...


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1179 | Registered: Nov 2011
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


.
I mean when I was 20, sure. It made a lightsaber vooosh noise and everything.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8422 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Slight t/j

Thanks for clarifying what a BOB is. I keep seeing it mentioned on SI and thought that's what it might be, but glad to have it confirmed

End t/j


Me 44 (BS)
Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
Children - two, mine from my previous marriage
Final straw 6/6/14

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies


Posts: 195 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7444 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2575 | Registered: Aug 2012
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1179 | Registered: Nov 2011
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ooooh I see! And there was me thinking it was a vibe. Guh!


Me 44 (BS)
Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
Children - two, mine from my previous marriage
Final straw 6/6/14

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies


Posts: 195 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
Topic Posts: 51
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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