So I've asked him to get his stuff out by early June, he of course is being cagey about when he will even come because it will be expensive for him to rent a truck and a storage locker, poor thing. The BIG problem that I now have is when I told him I'd pack his stuff up and put it in the garage for moving day he has now responded with saying that he wants to go through the house because it's not reasonable for me to keep everything! Oh hell no.
I fear this is getting ugly, once again.
I kicked him out our last dday and he hasn't been in the house since, it's a massive trigger to have him do so. Question for you all is does he have a right to come back in here to pack up his things and go 'shopping' for whatever else he wants? How did all of you deal with packing especially if you, the BS, are still in the home?
I made sure the children were out all day. I now wish I'd had someone there with me too.
At one point I did lose it: He complained that he wanted some of my personal/gifted books and my new bookcase. I told him no. Then we went into another room and he was annoyed that I wanted to keep 2 books from one whole bookcase (he'd already taken 2 large bookcases worth of books and was emptying a third). So I told him that was what you got from fucking someone else. It's called a consequence, those were joint marital assets and that meant that they had to be divided. And hey, wasn't this what he'd wanted all along? Why was he so unhappy.?!?
I was so hurt/angry. It was very, very hard.
Thanks for the tip about having someone be there with me, I hope it doesn't come to that. Why don't these guys just slink the hell off with their tails between their legs like they should??
FTG. and tons of hugs for you (((((StrongAlone)))))
I would pack his stuff into the garage as you offered, then change the locks to the house. No way should he "go through the house!" FTG.
To protect yourself, take pictures of his stuff in the garage so he can't say you withheld it. Also, make sure he knows that things not picked up by ____ date are abandoned property and will be disposed of.
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.
and that is how I got 'his stuff' out of the house.
I would have his things gathered in one spot. No walk through.
My off-duty policeman was in full uniform and drove his patrol vehicle. FT showed up with two other dudes to do an appraisal and was really surprised/embarrassed/angry. Win for Compartmented!! The other dudes slunk around and looked embarrassed.
We agreed in mediation for him to take his stuff and for me to keep mine but I'm kind of keeping the stuff that was 'ours' because I got rid of all my university stuff and he keep hauling his stupid antiques crap around everywhere. So yes you are all right, I'm going to ask for an itemized list and then pile it all in the basement so that he has a flight of stairs to go up and down.
Then when the day comes I will have my parents and my sister and her husband here to supervise. I'm getting my brother in law to move his dumb ass motorcycle out of the garage where it sits taking up just enough room so I can't park my car in there. What the hell is wrong with these guys?? He's such a giant dick wad.
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs
I edit often for clarity.
My lawyer told me to pack that crap in boxes, being careful not to damage it. Then let her know when the shit will be waiting on the curb a couple of days in advance so that she will have time to notify opposing counsel.
My order gives me "sole ownership, use, and control" of the house and all of it's contents.
SW snuck out in such a hurry that she left a LOT of other stuff here. Sentimental stuff... memories of dead family members and such. I am trying to decide if I want to be the "bigger" person and include that stuff, or assume that she cares about the memories of her family as much as she cares about the memories of our marriage... and just throw that shit away.
But I would say that depending on the conditions of your Order, you can curb his shit.
Justjim...I'd pack up anything of hers that you don't want for her to pick up....think of it as free garbage pick up. You don't want it, you want it out of the house...yeah, she can take it all.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.