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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why can't I cry?
LivingThroughIt
♀ New Member
Member # 43471
Question  Posted: 6:22 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Basically, I found out that my significant other of 15 years has been sexting with one of our friends. I knew something was going on between the two of them but he has denied it vehemently. The other day I snooped (wrong of me) and found sexting photos from a year ago. He denies it was ever physical. I will do my best to believe him, but my trust is pretty much shattered.

Not only was I betrayed by my WSO, but I was betrayed by someone I thought was my friend. I confronted her, basically blindsiding her. But now I truly believe that OW is crazy. She has led her S to believe that I'm the bad person and that WO is the victim, he doesn't know the truth but won't hear it from me. WO is crazy to the point where I am afraid that she or her S could hurt me. She called WSO and said she wants to jump off a bridge because I might tell her S. Wow. Threats of violence and suicide.

There are other issues with OW. She has no true female friends. I tried to be her friend, to open up to her, confide small things, invited her to breakfast, to do things with the women's group at church.

I also think OW is a sexual predator. I'm not defending WSO, he could have said no. But I've heard from others that my WSO is not the first she has hit on. She has groped me inappropriately on a dance floor, grabbing both my breasts. I've seen her grope men and women. My 19 year old son will leave when she shows up, I've never asked him but I might. She is sick. However, everyone defends her because it's "all in fun"...that's much easier than calling her a predator.

There is obviously a lot more to this story. Maybe I'll write it out and put it on my profile. Not sure yet.

With all this craziness, my WSO is checking out. He has to separate himself from everything in order to process it all (everything from our relationship drifting apart to this new discovery). He has apologized for hurting me so many times. He admitted that his lies have hurt too many people and he can no longer live that way. He has told me that he wants to be a better person and I believe him to be sincere, but can he actually change? Can a leopard change its spots? He said that in order to be a better person he has to be alone and able to work on himself for a while. He has asked for space, time, separation. (We don't live together, no children in common.)

The most important part about all this is that I love him and I know he loves me. Some of you may laugh or think I'm an idiot. Maybe I am...but I do love him. Deep down, he's a good man. I know that just because I love him doesn't mean that I can move forward with him. But how do I figure that out? How do I know if I'm the type of person who can get over this? Time is a very difficult thing for me to endure. I like to fix things. Only he can fix himself and I need to walk away and let him do it, but I feel ripped apart.

I worry that he'll never come back. I wonder if I'm with him or want him because I don't know how to be "single". I don't know if I have the strength to go it alone. Do I want him because I don't want her to have him? Am I afraid that my group of friends (predominantly couples) will no longer include me because I'm only half? All these evil, non-healing thoughts.

This is all the crap that's going on in my head today.

I've got an appointment with a therapist I was seeing a year ago, but that I quit going to because things weren't getting fixed fast enough. Sadly, the appointment isn't for a couple more weeks. Sucks to have a popular therapist. So, I got online and found this site. Thank GOD!

I think the worst part about all this is that I haven't cried yet. I've come close, but the BIG ONE hasn't happened. Can a person be too angry to cry? Why can't I cry? I feel numb.


Me--just turned 50y
Him 50y
Significant other - not married
Together 15+ yrs
Each have 20yr old sons
OW Married sexual predator coworker (5 yrs younger)
DD May 12 2014

Posts: 1 | Registered: May 2014 | From: TN
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the club absolutely no one wants to belong to. Be prepared. There is probably a lot more you do not know. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I am sure there is more to the story than you have been told. I understand your fears. I am with you. I don't want to be alone either. But, I'm starting to think that maybe it's the lesser of two evils. Hang in there. I'm afraid the worse is yet to come we are here if you need us. We are here for you.

Posts: 1223 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Strangefacade
♀ New Member
Member # 43394
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. What you are feeling is absolutely normal. Counseling will help. And time.
Until then, let the ange move you forward.


I'm strong again. That's the only reason you choose me.

Posts: 33 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Mi
Credence
♂ Member
Member # 42682
Default  Posted: 2:02 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He denies it was ever physical. I will do my best to believe him, but my trust is pretty much shattered.
He has given you every reason to distrust him so please don't feel that you should believe him when he denies that it was physical. He lied about the sexting so there is every possibility that he is lying about it being physical. He has betrayed your trust so from here on in it needs to be about his actions and not his words.

Please do some reading in the healing library - there is a wealth of useful information in there.

The OW clearly does have issues but remember that it is her shit not yours. If she ever threatens suicide again, call the police immediately.

Deep down, he's a good man. I know that just because I love him doesn't mean that I can move forward with him. But how do I figure that out? How do I know if I'm the type of person who can get over this? Time is a very difficult thing for me to endure. I like to fix things.
Unfortunately, this will take time. There is no quick fix and there is no easy way. Do as much reading as you can on SI and post here often - you'll get loads of support and advice.


If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you always got

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 4

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