There was no drama, but it is just so odd to sit across the table from the woman I spent so many years with, who is behaving like the woman I used to know. It felt like an alternate reality, where the woman who was possessed by those plant things in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, is all of a sudden no longer possessed.
I had to keep reminding myself what she did, and what she continues to harbor inside of her. This wasn't really a trigger, just a weird feeling. It's easier to picture them as monsters that you only text or email with.
That's it. Just musings. Back to reality.
My DS10 has severe autism. I recently had the joy of attending a team meeting (called by stbxww), regarding his case. Not much came out of it, but she kept emphasizing what a good mother she was. Bizarre indeed.
No RO in my case, but that's because I saw a L and he advised me to move out of the house. The OM in my sich went to jail due to DV (on his own ex) and then sent threats from jail, so my L said essentially (I'm paraphrasing) "whether that case is true or not, DV and abuse is "in the air" so it's best you move out and only contact her through email or text."
Best advice I ever got. It's helped detach (though it's still very hard), and there's no need or reason for her to get a RO or anything. In the meantime, supposedly she broke it off with OM and he's stalking her (and was harassing me for a bit). I can feel comfortable with the judge looking at my entire text history if this ever went to trial (in the meantime, she has "lost all the messages on her phone" twice in three months). I'm hoping it doesn't go to trial, but I have sent the affair+harassing evidence to my L. In CA it's not actionable, but me staying detached and them behaving that way can only help me if it did.
I don't think of her as a monster, but I think she is a very ill individual (they say our character is a combination of the 5 people closest to us - for some people that is clearly the case). It's tragic, but I have to protect my kids, who come first and before her in my priority list after what she did. There's no telling where this would be if I hadn't enforced strong boundaries early on.
Hoping for the best, kg201. Remember, no drama. Email and text. Businesslike.
The sad clowns first name here was monster. I had him listed as such in my contacts and that's what I called him IRL. The monster walking around in my husbands skin.
It is weird at first but you do get used to it. I remind myself that the guy I used to see glimpses of under that mask and that I told myself were aberrations is actually the guy I now deal with. He IS the aberration.
It's unnerving. Kind of like seeing your Prime Minister in Speedo's (aka Budgie Smugglers). Except that I don't think I'll ever get used to this.
It's easier to picture them as monsters that you only text or email with.
I hear ya. It's very hard when my STBX actually behaves like the H I thought I had. Really messes with my head. I also completely agree with the "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" reference, because he looks like my H, sounds like my H, but there's just something horribly off about it. The worst is when I relax my guard for a moment and forget what's happened. For a moment I think it's my H again, but then I remember it's not.
We also had an IEP meeting (a.k.a. team meeting) for our daughter when she changed schools in November. It's kinda funny seeing him act like he is an involved parent and know what's best for his kid. He's never really understood DD, and spends less than 20% of the time with her now. The only reason he knows what's going on with her is because I tell him.
So yeah. I understand where you're coming from. Keep strong.
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.
when my STBX actually behaves like the H I thought I had. Really messes with my head
Ya - Mr. Prime Minister would fair better in the Jammers the boys wear for swim team here - they look like bike shorts
Isn't it strange how, after so many years of this person being our best friend, it all comes to this weird...I don't know...nothingness?
Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller
I don't know...it makes me think of The fable about the scorpion and the frog. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scorpion_and_the_Frog