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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: *His* interpretation of our *RoFR clause (*w.t.f.?*).....
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So yep. DS#1 has been home all of 48 hours and DramaKing-stbx has already started his summertime shenanigans. (stbx has signed DS up to *help* out with the 2 younger kids this summer).

For context: Stbx has *kid time* from 3pm today until 3pm Wednesday. Our ROFR kicks in if childcare is needed for 6 hours or more.

Sooooooo. I get an email from DramaKing this morning that says DS#1 is going to be watching the other 2 from Tues morning until Weds morning. But I can have them if I want.

I told him that he was required to offer that time to me first before he made other arrangements. (you know, right of FIRST refusal and all )
Apparently him informing me of his plan (less than 24 hours before it is to be implemented) is HIS idea of an *offer*. (more ) And asks if I want them or not.
I tell him that his Tues morning until Weds morning is too vague and he needs to be more specific.

Turns out that he is flying out Tues morning a couple of hours before they leave for school and not returning until Wednesday night. (so oldest is supposedly *on the clock* only until Weds morning. Who in the hell is supposed to be *in charge* from *morning* until 3pm? Oh, wait. That's right, they're in school, so NO ONE needs to be *responsible* for them, right????)

Oh, but wait. There's more......

I tell him to bring them to me tonight at bedtime or drop them off in the morning when he leaves.
He says no, that I can just get them off the bus tomorrow after school.
I told him that *my* time would begin when he left.

Nope. *His* interpretation of the ROFR clause is that he can make other arrangements for the first 6 hours and THEN *my* time starts.

I have heard very little that is as ridiculous as this. Some of my brain cells died.

I was so stunned by the pettiness and stupidity that I didn't even bother to argue with him. What in the everloving fuck is wrong with this guy? I just told him that the 6 hours was not a *grace period* and I dropped it.

It is ALWAYS some-ridiculous-thing with this DramaKing. Cheese and crackers.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's high.

That's one of the most f-ed up, delusional, crack-pipe crazy things I've heard in a long time.

How old is your oldest? And did he agree to be a de-facto parent?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, No. If you know when stbx is leaving for the airport, that is when you pickup your kids. End of story. What an idiot.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1954 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oldest is almost 20, so that's not an issue with me. Heck, I probably would have agreed to let oldest put them on the bus in the morning if stbx had not tried to do an end-around on me and then played *stupid*.

I thought we had this ROFR shit worked out after what happened last summer. He had told me that he was going to be gone Mon-Wed and I didn't get back to him soon enough or something, so he sent me a text telling me to "forget it. I have it handled." He had signed oldest DS up to *help* with the other 2. Caused a bit of a problem because stbx was offering CASH to DS to do it -- so DS was miffed when I said "wait a freakin' minute! This ain't happening."

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 6:29 PM, May 19th (Monday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he has you on a technicality but I'd talk to your L. You'd only need to get him spanked once. Make sure that you are happy to comply with it too.

My FRR is for ANY amount of time with the exception of up to 48 hours if in the care of a family member. So this lower muppet has his 17 y/o niece look after them. Unbelieveable. I wish I had stipulated a list of family members.

I don't know that is is a hill I'd die on. It is annoying but my view is as long as I'm happy with the situation in reverse then I won't battle over it.

It sounds like this is causing a rift between you and DS. I'd personally sort out the parameters of ROFR before getting into it with him.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5656 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he has you on a technicality

No technicality.
If his need for childcare exceeds 6 hours, then he asks me first. Period.


What is happening is not a situation where he *thought* he'd be under the 6 hours and something came up and he went over the limit. His planned absence is for 36ish hours. <--That triggers the clause. If I accept responsibility for the kids during his absence, then the decisions about where they are and who they are with rest with me. Not him.

Asking my oldest to *help* me by watching his brothers for 1, 2, or 3 nights isn't even in my vocabulary and wouldn't happen unless there was some type of dire emergency. If I am gone overnight, it's on nights that stbx has the kids. And if the kids require childcare for longer than 6 hours, he gets first dibs before I make *other* arrangements -- because them's the rules (but that has never happened because I plan my life around my kids, not my kids around my life).

I was serious when I said that I dropped it. I wasn't in the mood for his immature drama. I've made a *note* of it and if it becomes a recurring issue with him -- THEN I'll address it.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with you gonna as that is clearly what the intention but these things are open to interpretation and you know he is going to twist it anyway he can. Does it state explicit language like "if care exceeds 6 hours"?

How much notice does the decree require?


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5656 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you know he is going to twist it anyway he can.

Oh, ya think??? I take my kids to a potluck hosted by a classmate and he morphs it into me taking the kids to a college drinking party.

Does it state explicit language like "if care exceeds 6 hours"?

"If either party needs a babysitter for more than 6 hours . . . the other party will be offered the chance to provide child care. If that parent cannot provide child care, the party whose original period of placement it is must arrange the children's care."

There's no notice requirement included in this clause. The mediator was a nice lady who probably assumed that we were both reasonable people who would *follow* the intent of the agreement. I can't fault her for that because I never dreamed that DramaKing would turn into the JAMF nightmare he's become......

eta: Free tip from Gonna. Read your agreements. Replace any *will* with either *shall/must* or *may*. *Will* is not a good word choice to use in a contract......

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 9:14 PM, May 19th (Monday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh FFS. That is explicit. What a fuckwit.

That's a good tip. Also have specific times set so if you can't agree there is a clear time - and notice periods!

Not that there's any huge penalty for not following the decree. I always thought you could call the cops and have them enforce it. Seems like that isn't the case.

It works unless you have a PD on your hands who thinks they are above the law. I'm in a handshake agreement with a man without honour or integrity.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5656 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh FFS. That is explicit. What a fuckwit.

Yep. Not ambiguous at all.

DramaKing sees DS#1's agreement to *help* him out this summer as his free pass to come and go as he pleases. So I have informed DS#1 that if stbx asks him to watch his brothers for any time period that exceeds 6 hours to tell his dad to talk to and work it out with me first. How pathetic is it that a child is tasked with taking on the *adult's* responsibility? I honestly believe that ALL of my children (even my disabled guy) are more emotionally adept than stbx is......

Stupid fucker and his triangulational bullshit.
I apologized to DS#1 for being put in the middle of this shit. I really wish DramaKing would stop involving the kids in things that aren't their *things* to deal with.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The mediator was a nice lady who probably assumed that we were both reasonable people who would *follow* the intent of the agreement

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 1:06 AM, May 20th (Tuesday)]


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(and PS. Fix your quote box, NG. It's messing with my sense of orderliness.....)


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your wish is my command. I live to serve...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your wish is my command. I live to serve...

I love you, NG. Thank you for fixing that. ( I SO feel like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory right now....) I could *read* it correctly, but it just wasn't right, kwim?......ugh. I know that I'm annoying when I am annoying even myself.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it wrong of me to hope his plane crashes and he's the only casualty?


Posts: 3423 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even if ^^^^^^^ is wrong... A girl can hold out hope. Right along side you itainteasy.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5528 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 16

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