can I be a bitch and specifically ask reasonable requests in order to see if we can R?
^^^I don't think you are being a bitch. You should ask for anything and everything that you feel will lead you to successful R. If he is 100% committed to R he will willingly work to meet your needs.
Hopefully, your WH will own up to his fault as it will make change easier/permanent.
ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.