Not like that anymore, at all!! It is the job that's the trigger, without a doubt.
Without question, it could happen anywhere. And he's probably safer where he's at because his chain if command all know what happened, people know me, everything is monitored, etc.
But there is a ton of freedom in the job and things that I would have no way of validating. Plus it's a good ole boys club and they absolutely cover for each other. Part of the taking a bullet for each other I guess. And yes, that's painting with a broad brush and no I don't think he would but...you get what I mean.
It's not just a job. It's a lifestyle and a community. In which, many people know our business and I hate that too. It's very incestual. I hate, hate, hate it.
So here we are. Love him, tolerate his job.
And yes. I hate that he doesn't hurt as bad. Because all of the "why's" for why he allowed himself to cheat lead back to FOO, CSA, poor coping mechanisms, depression, etc. things that had nothing to do with me but I'm the one he hurt the most.
I wanted him to hurt in return but it never came close. And now he's moved passes my indiscretion like it was a momentary lapse in sanity.
Like he never has to worry about me being with someone else because why would I want anyone but him??
I mean, of course he never says any of that. And will tell me he doesn't feel that way at all once he reads this. And then he will say a bunch of other really healthy shit.
It's all a bit maddening for me.