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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: T/J on Shelly's phone number question
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK....here's a question for the menz here or just anyone in general.

I'm really, really uneasy about giving my number out to people I barely know.

If a guy is interested in contacting me, I'm listed in the phone book for heaven's sake and all they would need to do is make the effort to look in the book and call me.

So...my question is this:

If some guy asks me for my phone number and I tell him it's in the phone book do guys consider this a turn down or a turn off?


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6579 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ummm…my first response…do they still make phone books?

I haven't given my number out to a complete stranger, but on OLD, I at least Googled the guys before I gave them my number. I figured I could always block them if I needed to. It just didn't worry me that much.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4180 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard that most women if asked either give the phone number of google voice or some number that can't be linked to their personal phone or the majority ask for a card from the guy to contact.

I wouldn't want the person to know my information enough to find me in a phone book but I am probably very private.

I would consider that I am not that interested. If you ask for their card then you are showing a bit of interest otherwise you would say I don't give out my number.


Posts: 1004 | Registered: Jul 2012
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with cmego, I do remember looking up numbers in the phone book but gosh, if I heard this (not a menz and younger) it would sound like a brush-off.

Kind of curious, if anyone can look yup up anyway, why does giving your number out seem risky? Because really everyone has access to it already in this scenario!

But maybe you just need to meet people who are friends of friends and already vetted?


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would consider someone was interested if they made the effort to find me in the phone book verses just giving them my number.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6579 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't realize they still made phonebooks either.

I haven't seen one in years.


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1043 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This might help answer your question:

You attended an event for something that is your number one hobby. You met a lady about your age and you had lunch or just chatted for the afternoon.

When it came time to leave you asked for her contact info because you thought it would be fun to get together for this hobby ex antique shopping etc.

She said my number is in the phone book. What would you think?

I would think if she was interested in becoming a new friend she would give me her number. That is just me.

These days I wouldn't want a complete stranger female or male to have my info to look me up in the first place- phone book, local directory, Facebook etc.

[This message edited by fireproof at 10:03 PM, May 19th (Monday)]


Posts: 1004 | Registered: Jul 2012
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, I would feel like it's a brush off. If she really wanted me to call then she would have just given me the number.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Huge turn off. Like you can't go out of your little way to just give me your number? Or worse you already sound stuck up. No...you're going to make me feel creepy having to look for it online, like I'm stalking you...next.

The majority of women have zero clue how hard it is in the first place for men to outright ask you for your number. The rejection is horrendous and we dread having to ask. If you would like him to call you when he asks, do us a favor and try this. Suggest he hand you his phone and you put it in his contacts for him. Or...ask him for his number and dial it. Then say.."There now you have it on your caller ID!" That alone makes a guy feel special and its very flirty to us. I guaranty that in doing one of those two he can't wait to call you.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, that would be pretty bad. To me, that would sound like you were saying "Go ahead and call me if you want me to tell everyone I know that you're a stalker."

Frankly, I don't think I would be interested in getting to know anybody better who said that to me.

[This message edited by h0peless at 10:19 PM, May 19th (Monday)]


Posts: 1727 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Red Sox Nation
♂ Member
Member # 26358
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a turn-down. But a firm turn-down. I wouldn't bother following up.

However, don't do the napkin thing... the brusque phone-book response might be a firm turn-down, but the third-party napkin thing is a complete turn-off.


When someone tells you who she is, listen; when someone shows you who she is, listen carefully.

Posts: 1894 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your number is in the PUBLIC phone book. Why would it bother you to actually give it out to someone in whom you were interested??

It sounds too much like game playing to me.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20273 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell this to the guys that do NOT interest you. Maybe if they put in the extra effort of looking you up in the phone book, you'll give them another chance.

If you find the guy interesting, then explain that you are uncomfortable giving your number out to people that you don't know and ask for his number with the caveat that you will call them to set up a future encounter.....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you're that worried about it, set up a second phone number that you use for new contacts..

I have one. It works fine. I have met guys that wind up texting me 10 times within the first 24 hours of meeting me and I'm glad they don't have my real number. And yes, I just block them anyway so it's not the end of the world.

I think any man that would actually follow up on such a firm "no"...going out of his way to get your number after you refuse to give it to him... is probably crazy.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't given anyone but my bank and doctor my home number since about 1997.

I give out my mobile (cell).

Sean has spilled my top secret move!!

I'd be kind of offended of anyone told me to look them up rather than just give me their number. Romantic or not. You're saying your last name and 5 other words. In
Australia that's only 4 less words than my mobile number.

If certainly see it as a turn down. I don't know how you could even explain that "oh I'm uncomfortable about giving my number out so I'll give you my surname and my suburb so you can find my number AND my home address which are both publicly available."

If you're uncomfortable about the whole being asked/giving the number ritual then you just say you don't give your number out then either take theirs or hope they'll be relentless and look you up anyway. I've had relentless - he's the guy that brought me to SI. I'm leery of relentless as there was a reason I didn't want to give him my number. That reason flew out the window with love bombing.

If I'm not interested I'll say I don't give my number out. If pushed I'll say I'm not interested (waaaaay too young guys seem perplexed, I think sharing numbers to anyone is a
Gen Y thing). I've had a young guy ask me for my Twitter handle like it was the most natural thing in the world. That was new.

I wouldn't like it if someone looked me up and just called me at home without asking me for it first.

Having said that I've met guys where I've mentioned where
I work during the conversation and they've looked it up and called me. That doesn't creep me out - home phone does.

I prefer to be asked in person. I've never asked for a number myself but I have handed my business card out a few times if they seem shy. I'm digging the quiet ones these days. No more Jazz Hands guys for me.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Artemisia
♀ Member
Member # 40564
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would consider it a huge brushoff if a guy did the phone book thing. I would not follow up, and would actually feel a little bit bad, like I must have been strongly misreading cues.

My 2cents.

Now, onto this:

No more Jazz Hands guys for me.

Love it, love it, ha ha ha! SBB, you are amazing. And sounds like you're out there doing it UP!


Posts: 117 | Registered: Sep 2013
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If certainly see it as a turn down. I don't know how you could even explain that "oh I'm uncomfortable about giving my number out so I'll give you my surname and my suburb so you can find my number AND my home address which are both publicly available."

^^^ This. You have information readily available, but you won't share it; you might as well say, "I wouldn't give you the time of day."

Have you had any good results with this method or is it hypothetical?

I suppose if you were suddenly in a rush and they asked to call and you just said, "that would be great, please look me up" it would be acceptable.


Posts: 3441 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds too much like game playing to me.

^^THIS. I've actually heard a story where a bartender would tell guys to look her up in the phone book if they were truly interested because she was used to being hit on by drunk guys wearing their beer goggles all the time. I can see where the "extra effort" may elude to them being truly interested but I would also take it as a brush off. I figure, it should be black and white....you either want me to call you or you don't. Period. I prefer no grey area. But, that's just me.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would consider it a brush off, definitely.


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rule #1 don't give out your address till you are sure the potential date is NOT a crazy murderous stalker. Give a cell phone.

Rule #2. Don't have them pick you up from your home until after you feel secure in having this person in your home.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5256 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 33
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