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Newest Member: sandihaze (45362)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: T/J on Shelly's phone number question
sadcountryboy
♂ Member
Member # 43058
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah I would consider that as a pretty firm turn down. I wouldn't pursue any farther.


Me: BH 34
Her: WW 30
Lived together 5-1/2 years
Married almost 2 years
D-Day 3/17/14
Affair for 8 months with a married man at her job
I don't even know who she is. Maybe never did.
Separated 3/21/14
headed to D

Posts: 67 | Registered: Apr 2014
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

phone book???? lol.

You have to give guys a bone here.

If you want them to call you, you have to tell them.

And, I just started dating too. I had a short lived 10 day romance. hahaha

But, yes, I met him places. In case I ever wanted to leave and didn't really want him at my place just yet.

Also, I just blocked him from facebook and my phone. So, now, he has absolutely no way to contact me. So, those are the precautions I took. See, you can always block their number. But, your house and work, keep that something for them to work towards if you really like them.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 3:53 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
justastatistic
♂ New Member
Member # 36314
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't understand your logic. As others have pointed out, if you're already in the phone book why wouldn't you give him your number? And I agree with the others that there's a certain amount of game playing going on here. If you're doing it because you think having him look up your number shows you that he's interested, what did you think him asking you for your number in the first place showed?

Personally, (and gently) if I asked a woman for her number and she told me it was in the book, I would assume she wasn't interested and she was nicely trying to let me know. If she later told me she wanted me to show interest by looking it up, I would assume she was a manipulator.


Posts: 37 | Registered: Jul 2012
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies guys.

This is hypothetical. I haven't met anyone where I live that I'm even curious about. I asked the question because one of the books I read about dating used this "if a guy is truly interested and a lady told him her name and said she was in the phone book, he would be more interested because it would fill that "chase" instinct".

And ya'll might laugh at the thought of a phone book, but up here they are still an important part of life.

Interesting comment though about how stressfull it is for a guy to even strike up a conversation with a lady they are interested in. I thought those days were past.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6582 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THe books you're reading about dating were written by assholes. We're people, not Greyhounds.

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"if a guy is truly interested and a lady told him her name and said she was in the phone book, he would be more interested because it would fill that "chase" instinct"

Oh honey! Blech! Which book is this? Did they also tell you to have dinner and a martini ready for him when he comes home??


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20291 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^

You guys are killing me!! Greyhounds and Martinis!!

That really is a terrible piece of advice. I haven't read any dating books but I suspect a majority of them advise game playing tactics such as this.

IMO it just shouldn't be that hard.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did they also tell you to have dinner and a martini ready for him when he comes home?

Wow...kinda seems like with me I was the one doing this for her! And honestly, after a while she didn't seem to appreciate it any more than the stereotypical man did after a while. People are people, regardless of gender.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. Just no.


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
justastatistic
♂ New Member
Member # 36314
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Throw that book away. If it were up to me, most relationship books, and most therapists, would be marooned on a desert island somewhere. On behalf of men everywhere, I am going to tell you what we want....get ready...this is going to be gold....

If you're interested in me, tell me. The less subtly the better. Cause I'm kinda stupid, and maybe a little insecure.

If you're not interested, tell me. Preferably without making reference to the size of my penis or lack of hair. I'm a big boy, I can take it (so long as you leave my penis and bald head out of it).

If you want me to call, give me your number, tell me you think I seem nice and you would love to hear from me and maybe go out sometime. I guarantee you, I will be thrilled even if I'm not interested. And if I'm not interested, I'll tell you.

But mostly, remember that you're asking this on a forum where most guys have been affected by unfaithful SO's. So what most of us are looking for (I think I speak for every man here) is an open, honest, non-manipulative relationship based on mutual respect, affection and commitment. Trying to get us to "chase" you is the opposite of that. If there's attraction combined with openness and honesty, you won't need to get us to chase you, we will do it all on our own. As for me, I bail at the first sign a woman is trying to get me to do what she wants, as opposed to telling me what she wants.


Posts: 37 | Registered: Jul 2012
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But mostly, remember that you're asking this on a forum where most guys have been affected by unfaithful SO's. So what most of us are looking for (I think I speak for every man here) is an open, honest, non-manipulative relationship based on mutual respect, affection and commitment.
I think we can remove gender from this and we'll get an AMEN from the womenz on this site too.


(and by the way, I'm one of the awesome therapists that wont get banished to the deserted island, so I take no offense)


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think we can remove gender from this and we'll get an AMEN from the womenz on this site too.

AMENZ!!!!!!!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
justastatistic
♂ New Member
Member # 36314
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Better4me, I'm sure there are good therapists out there, and that you're one. :-) It's just that I haven't met any.

But then again, when the person they're treating is a compulsive liar, what can I expect. Garbage in, garbage out.


Posts: 37 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 33
Pages: 1 · 2

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