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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 10 more days to court! Those who B T D T ... help!
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Cool  Posted: 10:24 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't believe I have just 10 more days until my court date! For those who have BTDT, please please please share any words of advice on any of these issues.

Background:

1. No custody issues: He wants visitation but has fucked up his relationship with our two children so that will happen under the guidance of each child's therapist. I don't expect any surprise custody issues.

2. Child Support: I'm assuming once the divorce is granted, the child support agency will garnish his paycheck. Due to children's needs, CS will continue until 21. That will give me enough time to look into SSI or other options for DD18.

3. Health Insurance: His position statement says he will cover them under his plan until 26.

4. Uncovered medical expenses: Stbx stopped paying for his half over a year ago and currently owes me over $1,200. Will the judge order him to reimburse me and order him to pay for half? I hope so.

5. Tuition: Both kids have needs (emotional, educational, development, cognitive). Our DS15 is in a private school that provides accommodations, extra attention, and emotional support. Stbx has refused to help towards tuition. Will the judge order him to help pay tuition?

Will the judge order him to reimburse me his half of the past two school years? For one school year, I have a signed agreement that he would be responsible. I'm worried that the judge will say that is for civil court.

6. Credit card debt: Will the judge order him to pay for half?

7. Spousal support: Yah, it would be helpful but I'm not holding my breath. I believe I am asking for $300 or $400 a month for 6 years. I really just need it for 3 years though. We were married for 20 years.

8. Taxes: He screwed me over the first year by claiming both children so I have gone by IRS residency rule since then. I hope the judge doesn't order me to redo my taxes and force me to do it with him.

9. Cars: We have 2. I don't know how this will be split.

10. I am asking that he pay back the money ($16,000) he used from our son's education fund to pay for his vehicle. He was supposed to pay $400 a month until it was paid back but then he left and he now doesn't acknowledge that it was a loan FROM HIS SON'S EDUCATION FUND.

He also filed a false police report (he was a cop) against me saying I stole his fire extinguisher. Because it was a class c felony, I had to hire a criminal defense attorney. Now I have an open file for 3 years. I am asking for him to rescind the report and reimburse for the defense attorney fees.

I feel that the judge will probably say that these two issues are civil court stuff. And I'm trying really hard to accept that possibility. I believe I can accept it but that doesn't mean it won't piss me off.

I know many of you ended up in court with the main issue being custody and/or parenting plan. I know "I" am "lucky" in that sense. Can you tell me how the other issues were settled?

As I've read from many of you who have finalized their divorce, I know I should expect to feel a mix of emotions. Although I feel I have grieved the man I thought I married and grieved the loss of our marriage, who knows if I will feel sad at the official closing of our marriage? Right now, I am excited to finally FINALLY close this chapter of my life.

Thank you for taking the time to read through this loooong post!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Oct 2012
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. No custody issues: He wants visitation but has fucked up his relationship with our two children so that will happen under the guidance of each child's therapist. I don't expect any surprise custody issues.

You are probably right on this.

2. Child Support: I'm assuming once the divorce is granted, the child support agency will garnish his paycheck. Due to children's needs, CS will continue until 21. That will give me enough time to look into SSI or other options for DD18.

Many states won't garnish automatically. I would ask for it based on his history of non-payment that you addressed below

3. Health Insurance: His position statement says he will cover them under his plan until 26.

Good

4. Uncovered medical expenses: Stbx stopped paying for his half over a year ago and currently owes me over $1,200. Will the judge order him to reimburse me and order him to pay for half? I hope so.

His share may not be exactly half. Some states do this as a % of total income. I am assuming you make less b/c you are asking for spousal support therefore 50-50 would be generous offer in many states. In my D, I made 60% of the family income and thus my medical responsibilities for the kids was 60%.

5. Tuition: Both kids have needs (emotional, educational, development, cognitive). Our DS15 is in a private school that provides accommodations, extra attention, and emotional support. Stbx has refused to help towards tuition. Will the judge order him to help pay tuition?

The judge may order this. Make sure you have and paper work showing professional referrals to this program. Or any other paperwork to indicate that standard public schools can't provide for your kids' needs.

Will the judge order him to reimburse me his half of the past two school years? For one school year, I have a signed agreement that he would be responsible. I'm worried that the judge will say that is for civil court.

A judge might if those expenses were incurred during your time of separation, and you proved the NEED for that school

6. Credit card debt: Will the judge order him to pay for half?

Depends on the state and then you may not have the ability to keep collectors off of you if he doesn't pay his half.

7. Spousal support: Yah, it would be helpful but I'm not holding my breath. I believe I am asking for $300 or $400 a month for 6 years. I really just need it for 3 years though. We were married for 20 years.

Depends on the state. My XW made enough $ to support herself so she didn't get any spousal support

8. Taxes: He screwed me over the first year by claiming both children so I have gone by IRS residency rule since then. I hope the judge doesn't order me to redo my taxes and force me to do it with him.

This would be at a judges discretion. Also you need to have your future claiming rights in your settlement. You might be forced to split the kids on the tax returns in your settlement

9. Cars: We have 2. I don't know how this will be split.

Look up on kelly blue book (kbb) or edmunds.com the resale value of each car. Or if your state has a property tax on vehicles then use the state's valuation of each vehicle. A judge should try to balance the values out in other means.

10. I am asking that he pay back the money ($16,000) he used from our son's education fund to pay for his vehicle. He was supposed to pay $400 a month until it was paid back but then he left and he now doesn't acknowledge that it was a loan FROM HIS SON'S EDUCATION FUND.

You might have to look into pressing theft charges against your H. The judge should let you know if he even has jurisdiction to decide anything on this item.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51940 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

4. Uncovered medical expenses: Stbx stopped paying for his half over a year ago and currently owes me over $1,200. Will the judge order him to reimburse me and order him to pay for half? I hope so.

My ex refused to cover those as well during the divorce, no matter how many freakin times I told him he owes half.

What you need to do is scan and email him the receipts showing you paid those expenses and asked for half. You can't just "tell" him what it was. You need to show proof. That's what I did, and he ended up owing me his half of everything I had sent him during our divorce. You just need good record keeping with that one..

As far as a lot of the money ones, credit card debt, cars, etc., it is going to need to end up "equal" or at least close.. So if you want more assets, you take more debt as well, and vice versa. My lawyer had to play around with the numbers until it all came out equal..

For example, your cars, figure out KBB value and then what you owe, determining whether they are a debt or an asset.. Then that is just another piece of the financial puzzle trying to make it even. I kept the car I was driving, which is about $1000 underwater (a debt). He kept his paid-off car that was worth about $1000 (an asset). So then when figuring out other assets and debts, that $2000 difference was taken into account.. Each one you figure out is going to affect the next one until all your assets and debts are equal..

Have you talked to your lawyer about which way you would prefer the debts and assets are distributed?


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2107 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Looks like Moo and BG have you covered here, so I just want to send you mojo and say good luck!!


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MovingUpward ~ Thank you so much for the response! It really was reassuring to read what you wrote. Thank you!

ButterflyGirl ~ Thank you for responding! I have been keeping records of the medical bills but I didn't think of providing the PROOF that it was paid. I will be working on that. Thank you!!

nutmegkitty ~ Thank you for the mojo and luck! I'm going to need it!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 5

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